Wife Won’t Let Me Buy a Motorbike!

TLDR; preferably after advice from married women. Help me understand the mentality behind this. My wife won’t let me buy a motorbike because she says she doesn’t want me to die in an accident and leave her and child behind.

Before getting married, from the age of 18 - 22 I used to commute to the city on a sports bike for uni and work. I have been a mountain biker for the better part of 15 years and I mainly ride down hill and enduro, for those who know this is largely very technical high speed and dangerous riding that I do almost every weekend of the year unless it’s raining. I also used to cycle using a road bike and I did this for 5 years but since stopped as I didn’t enjoy as much as dirt plus it committed a lot more time.

Recently I have rekindled my desire to get a motorbike again, so I am looking at buying a trail / dirt bike to head into the bush to ride.

It’s a bit of a natural progression for me and I love riding so it’s just an extension of the leisure I already undertake.

My wife who is normally very accommodating, flexible and understanding of my antics (whether it is going away for camping trips, boys weekends, or spending money on hobbies) has put her foot down on this in a big way and completely against it.

She is making statements like;

‘I would be extremely let down if you go ahead with this’

‘This is very selfish, if you died you would leave me behind to deal with everything’

‘I won’t stand by if you buy a motorbike and let it happen’

‘Don’t think you can just do this’

Really really strong language is used when the topic is brought up. Similarly I do not ever bring it up, I love watching the stuff on YouTube and usually then she raises it and makes a comment. Likewise if she sees somebody on a motorbike next to us while we are driving she’ll just randomly say stuff like ‘don’t think you can do something like that person’ - almost like she is trying to stamp out the thought so the action doesn’t follow.

For me it’s just a natural progression two wheels have always been a part of my life. So buying a dirt bike feels very normal and I am very confused with all this.

Likewise I don’t do do anything else that one would consider a vice - clean as a whistle (no drinking, smoking, drugs, infidelity, gambling, reckless spending, selfish spending, dishonesty, mistreatment, absenteeism) nothing. I spend a lot of time with my son, so I’m not an absent father either. I spend a lot of time with her so I’m not an absent husband.

I work extremely hard, I’m an adult and I take care of my family and make sure I always do my best so I don’t see why I can’t make a decision like this if I want too.

From my own reflection there are 3 incidents which I feel have shaped her mentality to date but this is just based on my own internal reflection - I could be wrong which is why I’m asking for advice as I can be WAY OFF.

1 - I usually go hard on everything. When I mountain bike, I ride hard, when I start a new hobby I research everything from top to bottom, when I work I really put it in. She may think that once I have a bike things will get out of hand based on my personality? I’ll ride hard, have a big accident and hurt myself.

2 - I had a road cycling accident, no broken bones, just a broken ego and smashed up body and some stitches. I fell off at speed on concrete and had to sit on the side of the path until she could come and pick me up to go to the doctors. She freaked out and tried to ban me from riding a bicycle again.

3 - She had a cousin die in a motor vehicle accident. At the time she was a baby so I don’t think they were very close but it occurred in her life so she may remember it or at least remember the impact on the families.

I would love to hear the mindset of some women who might feel the same or differently so I can gather a better understanding of this situation. She is an amazing woman and the above is not reflective of her personality which is why I am so confused because I can almost do anything with impunity and no oversight, but not this. If I said I’m going on a holiday with my mates for a week next month, she will just say ok have fun.

I would love to figure out how I can make the experience less stressful on her but also make it enjoyable for me and get a bike.

There is also the possibility to never buy a bike and just listen. But then what is the purpose of anything if you can’t do the things you enjoy. We live in an age of decadence, once we stopped working to survive we started working to create enjoyment.

Comments

        • +1 vote

          Any advice?

          Firstly, thank you for correct spelling.

          I suggest you:
          * get your bike licence with an accredited rider training school for good foundation training
          * Never ride a road bike on the road because that sh!t is dangerous
          * Purchase an underpowered secondhand trail bike like a klx250 or equivalent in your preferred brand. Just get rec reg and trailer to riding locations
          * Purchase decent quality safety gear in particular helmet, boots and gloves
          * Research nearby trails that have easy tracks (may need to join local Facebook groups or even your local motocross club may have one - plenty of riders do multiple disciplines)
          * Practice, practice, practice by taking it very easy, but not too slow because that makes riding more difficult
          * There are accredited motocross instructors for lessons on both flat and jumps (if in VIC PM for details) to upgrade your skills and techniques
          * As you improve ditch the underpowered heap of junk and get yourself a 250 motocross bike YZ250F, KX250F etc and improve your skills further while enjoying all the new power
          * As you improve and want a change of riding style ditch the 250 four stroke and get yourself a 2 stroker (250-350) KTM, Beta, Yamaha etc
          * As you improve ditch the motocross 2 stroke and get yourself a 450F and start having some serious fun with all that bottom end power
          * Always stay safe, be alert and have fun

  • +3 votes

    Instead of a full on Dirt Bike what about easing in to it with a trials bike? This will massively improve your Dirt and Enduro riding if you can transition to a dirt bike eventually.

    •  

      Yeah fantastic suggestion. Electric trials bike would be prime in the backyard as well under the wife's supervision.

      •  

        Lol. Preferably with St John's on standby in the driveway.

  • -1 vote

    I hope you don't mean public dirt roads? They are the ones that all the drunk drivers around these parts use to evade RBT.

    •  

      You live in suburban Sydney don't you? This is the most I'll informed comment in this thread and trust me there are heaps of them.

      •  

        And not only that, I guarantee you will regularly see large road kill.

  • +1 vote

    God you're insufferable. Just get in a car you muppet.

  •  

    Wow what a hot topic!

    As a fellow MTB rider, motorbike rider (1000cc roadbike) and husband (although no children) you are very well aware of the stats and risks. Enduro is some pretty serious stuff and not just taking a leisurely ride on a flat track and is likely more akin to an injury. That being said you come off your MTB and you will have cuts, bruises and maybe a break. come off your motorbike even with all the gear and you may not come back at all (or likely to be para/quadriplegic)

    if its a dirt bike on trails i dont see the issue as to how different this is to enduro (apart from the speed). you dont have the other road users to worry about either!

    That being said i have had many close calls on the Motorbike (mostly not at fault) and the danger is that you overestimate your skill set and get into trouble.

    I get the point of taking additional risks and putting yourself in danger, however i would rather live a life of excitement and some risks than stay at home in a bubble.

    I say go for it, explain that its a dirt bike and you will have all the gear to take as many precautions as you can. it may be a fun thing you and your children do together in the future???

  •  

    I've analysed this phenomenon in my life, most of the people that I know over the age of 35 who ride motorbikes have not stopped riding since they begun in their early 20's.
    The one person i know that started riding again after the age of 35 used the excuse "I have to commute across town, I wont be traveling very fast - its unlikely that i'll die if i fall off, having a motorbike will allow me to spend an extra hour a day with my family instead of being stuck in traffic".

    I've had motorbikes for about 8 years now, current bike is a DR650 - you're right, its fairly unlikely that you'll die trail riding. Biggest risk of being in the bush is having something go wrong and not being able to call for help. EPIRB or equivalent will help, but it'd be best to ride with someone else.

    Also, I'm a bit surprised at all of the comments about deadly situations on bikes. I get that they are known as death machines, but I've done about 110,000km - mainly on road, i've come off once at very low speed because I locked up the rear brake in the wet, I got up and rode away without injury. I rarely face major issues with other drivers. I see crap drivers all of the time, but I just keep away. I'm probably the most defensive rider ever though - think 90 year old rolling around a country town in an old corolla.

    I've come off a bunch offroad but that's all a part of the fun, my top 10 injuries still involve bicycles, not motorbikes.

    My suggestion would be to raise your life insurance and do some defensive riding courses - and tell her that you want to do this because it will make you happy. Happiness is the most important thing in life.

    •  

      @ rambutann

      but I've done about 110,000km - mainly on road, i've come off once at very low speed because I locked up the rear brake in the wet

      Your anecdote does not equal data.

      But the quoted statisitcs in this thread: that per km motorcyclists are about thirty times more likely to die in a crash than car drivers, do not lie.

      You are no doubt a wonderful and almost-perfect motorcycle rider. But the other 99.999% of riders world-wide are not so perfect.

  • +3 votes

    The bike should be bought by the one who wears the pants

    • +1 vote

      So true, I mean, he can't even moan to his wife, he has to come to OzB and create a thread about it

      •  

        I'm going to tell her tonight… If I don't buy a bike I'll become an internet pansy

  •  

    Seriously man just think about what happens to your wife and child if you get crippled in a motorbike accident.

  • +1 vote

    Your wife is correct there. You really don't want her to become a widow / sole parent, and you don't want your child to grow up without a father!
    In addition to never riding a motorbike; if you haven't already, look into life insurance. I went with $1 million for myself. Get your wife to do the same.

  • +2 votes

    I had a bike for 10 yrs before getting my first car, raced for years, rode on the road for 30 odd years and having been in a few minor accidents but the last one Ive lost partial use of my left arm, right leg is (profanity), 2 fingers sewn back on, shattered dislocation of left elbow, and more 3mths in and out of a coma, 12 mths in hospital, lost count at 52 operations, learning to walk again, add to that the attitude of cage pilots these days, sadly with everyone in such a hurry to get nowhere in cars - I agree with her. Oh an my son was born a month and a day after my accident.

  • +1 vote

    Your chances of crashing or dying are extremely high. In the last 3 months in Brisbane I've heard and witnessed 4 accidents including my own (I was run over by a ute cross the road - driver did not see me). NONE of the accidents were the rider/cyclist's fault. In each instance the cyclist/motorbike rider had been obeying road rules and a driver in a truck/ute/car had not seen the rider. The worst one is a friend of a friend who is dead and his wife is now in a wheelchair for life. Husband riding, wife on the back, they entered a round-about - car pulled out in front failing to give way as they didn't see the motorbike. They have two young kids 3 and 5.

    • +1 vote

      Hyperbole much? The OP is looking to ride off road. There's not a lot of traffic in the Bush, the most likely offenders are wildlife or a rider coming the other way (if it's public property).

  • +2 votes

    Get a huge insurance policy and leave it on the dining table. Two weeks should be long enough for her to start researching and suggesting which model to buy.

  • +1 vote

    Settle with a trike then?
    But so expensive, harvey ones are 50k, old vw bettle ones are 20k.

    •  

      The big four stopped making ATV trikes decades ago. They're collectibles now, but still under 10K.

  •  

    I've been through the motorbike phase several times myself, currently don't have one, but often yearn to ride one again. I have to remind myself how dangerous it is especially with Australian drivers whose only goal when driving is to be able to prove an accident wasn't their fault rather than avoiding it in the first place.

    Sounds like it will cause a lot of grief with your missus… If it's worth the grief then just increase your life and disability insurance so she'll be comfortable at least.

  •  

    It is unsafe, but not illegal. You have to live a little.

    Maybe get a trail bike with recreational rego. Explain to her that you are only going to use it on the trails and that's really where your only allowed to anyway.

  • +1 vote

    The very first online search result for 'off road motorcycle deaths', (https://www.vicroads.vic.gov.au/-/media/files/documents/safe...) provides some very interesting reading, even though the study was from the early 2000's.

    About 14% of all motorcycle deaths were off-road.
    About 45% of all motorcyle hospital admissions were off-road.

    The article is long, and I couldn't be arsed going any further than these salient points.

    It would be reasonable to suggest that the annual number of kilometres covered by off-road motorcyclists would be vastly less than that covered by their paved-road brethren (and occasional sistren). Which makes these figures even more alarming.

    So much for how safe off-road dirt biking is. How wonderful and careful and skillful, and well-protected the practicioners are. Yes, all of the off road bikers responding to this thread are excellent exponents of their skill; the fact they they still survive to tell that tale is proof. Perhaps their maimed/para/quadroplegic/deceased fellow riders are not reading and replying?

    It actually seems that off road motorcycling may well be one of the very most dangerous hobby pursuits that one can actually do legally.

    •  

      From their definition of off Road: "Off-road: injuries incurred by motorcyclists from a non-traffic accident."

      Does that mean they are including road bikers colliding with inanimate objects? I would really like to understand their definition properly.

      I purposely didn't answer that survey because I think they just want to paint it in a negative light.

      There is a HUGE difference between dirt biking on a small bike and adventure riding/touring as well. As I have mentioned my average speed dirt biking is 15 Kp/h. Adventure biking is much faster and they cover much more distance and this is considered off road riding as well. The spectrum is so broad it is important to define what sort of off-road riding you crash doing, so basically that study is complete and utter bullocks.

      Dirt biking on a little bike on single track could be one of the safest hobbies out there. Much safer than contact sports

  • +5 votes

    I am not a married woman, but I believe this situation is not gender related. I'd like to show you the other side of the coin to give you a different perspective.

    Context: I am risk-averse and extremely rational. Working in preventive medicine, I've learned that one of the easiest things in the world is to die; therefore, as a rule, I avoid situations that I consider dangerous, or that would increase my chances of an accidental (unnecessary? stupid?) death or incapacitating injuries. That doesn't mean that I don't travel, drive, or that I don't walk on the streets at night. Again, is my interpretation of the risks that count for my decisions; most of them evidence based.

    If my partner were a risk taker when we first met, I can say that we wouldn't be partners as I wouldn't start a relationship with a risk taker.
    If my partner became a risk taker today, I'd be extremely frustrated and would try to use all my reasoning to block any dangerous behaviours, including partner buying a motorbike. I tolerate bicycle rides on bike lanes quite well but wouldn't be able to relax every time my partner went for a ride with the motorbike.

    I perfectly understand that this is my personality and risk-aversion, and I could eventually get used to some things as I am used to many "risky situations" that I don't even think about (bicycle, car, etc.).

    My point is that you have to understand that it is incredibly stressful and anxiety provoking for your wife to even consider that she might lose you. It's not only about practical problems such as raising children or lower income; I have no idea about your wife's losses, but what seems to be her trying to control you might be her terrified of losing someone she loves.

    • +1 vote

      Great response, and absolutely the truth.

    • +1 vote

      I was going to write something along the opposite line as this.

      I am more risk tolerant than my wife, not just in life and death situations, but also in other areas. One day I suggested looking into getting a motorbike, she was completely against the idea. I'm sure two things that doesn't help: She's extremely accident prone (We bought pushbikes. She didn't get to the end of the driveway before having an accident)… and a good friend of ours died in a motorbike accident.

      We're in a partnership. We have to be mindful of each others position, temperment and feelings and understand there has to be some give and take. Communication is key. I'm sure if getting a motorbike ment a lot to me (it didn't), we'd work out a way where she could live with the decision.

  •  

    My guess is that the safest way to motorbike is with the thunderous roar of 20 Harleys alerting semi conscious car drivers of your presence and fear keeping them a good distance away. So become an outlaw biker..

    • +1 vote

      Then I can render my services to Ozbargain to mediate Gumtree purchases

  • +2 votes

    since the year began more people died of motorbike accidents than corona virus.
    If you insist on riding a bike meet your wife halfway and agree to only ride it on a race track with full safety gear. Yes its a hassle and a pain but less hassle/pain than a funeral.
    Riskiest sport is mountain climbing high peaks, be glad that's not your vice.

    •  

      Agreed this is what I do. It's much cheaper too, my bike is 3k and gear about the same.
      No excuses if you live in Sydney too, I'm in Newcastle and it's 2hrs to smsp and 5 to Wakefield and worth it.
      I'd rather have a few track days a year than a year's worth of dodging commuters and playing roulette in the hills. Ever had someone come wide in the opposite direction on a twisty back road? I have and it's no fun.
      Not to mention the roo's 🤬

  • +1 vote

    I had a neighbour for years who just didn't get it, after he'd been away from work several months at a time due to simple motorcycle accidents (surgeries and broken bones)…I thought surely by the 3rd accident, Auspost would have booted him from his job, but last I knew he still had it.

  • +1 vote

    My dad came off his dirt bike and was in a wheelchair for a significant period of time. My grandad came off his and they told him (wrongly, luckily) he wouldn't walk again.

    I could definitely understand it if my husband didn't want me getting a bike.

  • +2 votes

    As a 40yo male with a 1000cc sports bike, even though the OP asked for married women to chime in, I read comments for a different perspective.
    Quite interesting the takes of people, and probably a little eye opening.

    Families do complicate things and I can understand that, so it definitely has to be taken in to account.
    But I know myself well enough, that if a woman didn't support what I enjoyed, then that woman won't be a part of my life, and would have to be said well and truly before any seriousness was presented in to a relationship, such as an engagement.

    •  

      What if the tables were reversed? That the woman you loved enjoyed risky activities that could leave her as a vegetable, and/or you as a single parent?

      • +3 votes

        A relationship should be positive and supportive, doing things together as well as following your own hobbies.
        My personal opinion is that no one has the right to tell another person what they can and can not do, at all, when it comes to what gives them enjoyment.

        At the end of the day, no "activity" is safe or free from death or serious injury. A plane could fall out of the sky and crash on my house whilst I work from home during lockdown.
        Walking on the footpath, a car could jump the curb and hit me.
        Travelling overseas, the plane I'm on could crash.

        We normalise a lot of the common day to day activities as if they are safe, when they in fact, are not.
        So to turn around and stop someone from doing a hobby they enjoy, is not on.

        If someone I loved wanted to do something, like mountain climbing, visiting dangerous countries, riding motorcycles, or anything else, then it's my job as a partner to support them.

        I've been riding for 20 years. I'm well aware of the risks, been in accidents, and not naïve to the dangers.
        But I enjoy it. So I do it. And if my partner said the same thing, I'd support them, just like I'd expect them to support me.

        Being a parent automatically assumes the responsibility that if something happens to your partner, then your role is to raise your child to the best of your ability, as a single parent.
        There's plenty of single parents already due to divorce. Or low life dads out of the picture. Or from people dying from cancer. Etc., etc. Take your pick.

        Life is way too short to be miserable and resentful. Do what you enjoy.

        • -2 votes

          It's rare to find someone who will support you in everything that makes you happy, even in gambling and drug use. Life's too short, have fun.

          • +2 votes

            @Ughhh: Using drug use and gambling as examples is taking it to the extreme, and you know that's not what I meant.

  • +5 votes

    Alot of snowflakes giving you advice because they think MC are dangerous. Yes they are if you do stupid things like doing 270km/h on the public road. I've ridden through Simpson desert on a MC and ridden from Europe to China on a MC adventure. You haven't lived life until you know you might die any time you make a mistake or get robbed on the way.
    Hell crossing the road and someone drives through a red light is dangerous. Some ICE up addict with a knife is dangerous.
    Pick your posion.

    • +1 vote

      Yeah a lot of risk adverse people here. I get told I don’t ride enough as the Mrs knows it’s a good way for me to clear my head. Hitting some dirt tracks in regional Vic is awesome and I take it pretty easy.

      If you haven’t get the bike to Tasmania as the roads both on and off are mint. Best place in Australia for riding imho.

    •  

      Living life on the edge there bud. Good for you. Not so good for those around you, though.

    •  

      I've ridden through Simpson desert

      Honestly this is a dream of mine.

      Cape York
      Fraser Island
      The Simpson

      Truck the bike most of the way then hit the trail.

      In my 30's right now so I feel like it is possible, but in my 50's or 60's health issues might not permit it.

  • +4 votes

    Hey OP, have you sat down and had a conversation with her about her fears and concerns? It sounds like you've got a good relationship, and up until now things have been going pretty good. Tell your wife you want to understand her side a bit better, and talk through it with her (DO NOT TRY TO PROBLEM SOLVE, JUST LISTEN AND SHOW YOU UNDERSTAND HER FEARS!). Once you understand her fears you might have a better understanding of how to help her overcome them.

    If its safety concerns you can invest heavily in protective gear (it wont be a cure all, but top tier offroad crash gear will leave you better off than cheap protection). This might help allay some of the fears. Do the same of training courses for both learning to ride to get your license, but also to push your abilities with defensive riding courses and advanced offroad safety courses. Heck, get life insurance with coverage for motorbike accidents so if the worst happens you're not putting your family out. Start out slow with things like beginner group offroad rides so you're not left to your own devices where you might decide to try something a bit out of your skill range.

    Show your wife that you take her concerns seriously, and that you are doing everything you can to protect yourself and your family while enjoying your hobby.

    I think your wife just wants the best for you and is scared you'll hurt yourself and she'll have to look after you. Thats a fairly reasonable outlook IMHO. Talk to her, understand the fears, work together to figure out ways to manage those fears and risks, and then put them into action.

  •  

    Married, independence is gone. Your body and soul is not yours anymore, it belongs to those that you care the most.

    •  

      Eneloops? Eneloops.

  •  

    Have an affair. End the affair and buy a motorbike.

  •  

    Get an E-MTB, you can generally go a lot more places than a dirtbike can. They can go 30 kmh+ enough for you to seriously injure yourself if so desired.

    •  

      Not very ozbargain friendly though, could buy multiple bikes for the price of an emtb!

  •  

    Take something your wife enjoys and use the same language on her - shopping, clothes, handbags etc.

    ‘I would be extremely let down if you go ahead with this’

    ‘This is very selfish, if you died you would leave me behind to deal with everything’

    ‘I won’t stand by if you buy a XXX and let it happen’

    ‘Don’t think you can just do this’

    • +1 vote

      Can you die from shopping, buying/trying on clothes and handbags?

      I guess if the dress is too long or fancy, you could suffocate or strangle yourself in it.

  •  

    I dunno, have you tried asking her why she is so convinced you will die if you get one? She may have some misconceptions about bikes, she may be genuinely worried that you won't be responsible. It could just be an irrational fear. It is, after all, a legitimate thing to want your spouse and the father of your child to live for a while longer. If it were my husband laying the law of the land, I would be asking for specific reasons why, especially if I had a hand in earning the money I wanted to spend.

  •  

    here's a lesser story - for keyboard warriors …

    I taught IT - one student was a qualified Filipina architect - she told me she would never ride a motorbike because too many of her friends had had motorbike accidents - breaking their wrists (as did both of mine in my major crash - not my fault - caused by idiot car driver doing a totally illegal u-turn over the blind crest of a hill in an 80kph zone)

    after which they could no longer work as computer programmers - as the resultant carpal tunnel nerve injury (mine was the other side - radial tunnel) meant lots of keyboard use became too difficult - a reason I quit being a programmer - shooting pains in my right forearm.

    my father's brother was killed on a motorbike at 23yo leaving a young wife and infant daughter - his best mate promptly took responsibility and married the wife and her daughter grew up never knowing of her cousins - the good story is that the mate then built up a large company worth multi-millions and my cousin since inherited a share where I was told their biggest problem is the ATO demanding $2M in back tax in cash they just don't have - ah, problems …

    so - short answer - if you're killed in a motorbike crash you won't have to worry - but any dependents could suffer for the rest of their lives - and more likely, permanent injuries from your soft body hitting hard surfaces at speed could leave you in a wheelchair as a paraplegic for the rest of your life as a burden to anyone who cares to stay around you - just imagine how happy your wife would be looking after you as a paraplegic - after she strongly advised you NOT to ride a motorbike … ?

    Guessing she wouldn't stay around - so there you would be - on your lonesome … with plenty of time to regret …

    •  

      with plenty of time to regret …

      Why "regret"?
      That assumes being free is bad.

      Better alone and free then slaved.
      Unless the chains feel safe and comfy. Personal values indeed.

  • +1 vote

    Ask your wife not to do something she wants "tell her no" as she is doing to you.
    This will tell you if the relationship is worth keeping, or one-sided.
    If it's a one-sided relationship, further action is up to you.
    If you do nothing, then you only have yourself to blame.
    If the shoe were on the other foot - you'd pretty soon find yourself divorced.

  •  

    Getting a dirt bike was one of the best decisions I ever made. Far safer than a road bike.

    The wifey might have some other thing she is upset about as is often the case. Sometimes it's left up to the bloke to mind read although I couldn't tell you one way or another. Good luck.

  •  

    Bikies solve all OzBargain problems.
    Whether it's a first or last resort. Hopefully they can help you too.

  •  

    Couldn’t you fly a kite or something?

  • +1 vote

    Do not bow down to wife's pressure….
    Your wife is being selfish here, everyone has an expiry date, for all you know, you could die in your sleep….infact we do every time we sleep…

  •  

    My BIL bought the bike.

    It was his "dream" and he went on and on about how amazing it was while the rest of us rolled our eyes behind his back.

    My SIL just insisted he wear proper safety gear which he did spend a fortune on.

    After he drove it for a few weeks (suburban and inner city traffic), suddenly the next thing we knew he'd sold it and we never heard about it again.

    Suffice to say I think he had enough close calls in those few weeks that he realised it just wasn't worth it.

  • +1 vote

    For context, I was very much into my bicycles in my early 20s and commuted to work every day on my bike. Kept commuting after my first was born until I got swiped off my bike by a bus that didn't see me while it was changing lanes. Nothing serious apart from a few scratches but I decided it just wasn't worth it any more.

    In any relationships, there are dealbreakers. Sometimes you find out before you get into a relationship, and sometimes you find out after. It's your choice whether you get a bike or not, but if you do you'll have to live with the consequences.

    At the end of the day which is more important? Only you can make that call.

  •  

    Not a married woman nor even a woman, but my advice nonetheless:

    1. From your description, wife worries about her and baby and not you. You dying. Or becoming a vegetable. IF there is a serious accident.
      From that fact (her financial security and not love for you) perhaps offer her a huge life insurance to satisfy her needs when/if you are gone.

    2. Evaluate what is more important for you, your freedom to choose your own life or accepting someones orders/advice. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
      Today is a bike.What will be next?
      "We need to move for the children to have a better life!"
      "No, we cannot move, the children are settled here!"
      (Whose judgment?)

    Not sure how real, as in "real life" your questioning is.
    A married man will by now have decided what to do.

    Being like a puppy dog is cute, smooth and easy but not very invigorating.

    Your life, your move.

    •  

      Maybe you've struck a good balance, have a hell of a good life insurance policy, and accident/injury insurance of 80% income for your 'chosen/working profession' and not 'any occupation', where people lose their battles with insurance providers when they least need the trouble.

      Not to forget TPD!

  • +1 vote

    I agree with your wife.

    My wife and parents are against me riding on a motorcycle so I just ride a road bicycle when I want.

    Motorbikes are exponentially more dangerous, everything much quicker with no safety.

    The two times I had an incident only 4 years of motorbike riding:
    1. A police car ran a red light when it forgot to turn its lights and sirens on in north Sydney. Nearly killed side on but I accelerated so they just missed.
    2. I went over a crest on parramatta road and some idiot had lost his payload of bricks stretching some 10-20 meters. I came off after sliding around on my bike for 50 meters. I rode home and was otherwise ok but had my balance not been so good I could have gone into the light pole next to me or the semi that was in the other lane.

    That last one was a wake up call for me. It’s literally not about your own skill most of the time but the lack of others general care.

    And we’ve all heard the horror stories. One of my good friends cousins died riding.

    Listen to wifiey.

  • +1 vote

    Anecdotally, I have never known anyone personally who was killed or seriously injured in a car crash. On the other hand, I have known a lot less motorbike riders, and all of them have had some near misses of fatal/serious accidents, not necessarily through fault of their own. I also know several people that have almost died or been seriously injured due to road bike accidents.

    The problem with anything that involves roads is even if you are an excellent/safe driver, you are always at the mercy of the other drivers on the roads, and there's a lot of really bad drivers out there. And you've got far better chances of survival in a car than on a motorbike.

  •  

    Buy a low powered dual sport/adventure/dirt bike and spend thousands buying bleeding edge protection tech. Not much else you can do, assuming she'd let you ride on a non-powered machine I don't really see the difference.

  • +1 vote

    Hi I don't normally comment but I think I have a useful perspective here.
    When my wife and I met I had various roadbikes, every used them daily to commute etc.
    I think she liked that about me, she even got her own bike before kids came along.

    Now we have two kids (4 &5yr old) and only last year I started getting back to the track on my cbr400rr. Recently sold it and upgraded to cbr600rr.
    My approach is to go 70% most of the time at a track day (still bloody quick), if I'm feeling it and traffic allows I try a few hard laps.
    There are no oncoming cars, no telegraph poles and usually a very predictable surface.

    I broke my back when I was 20 spearheading a ford laser, not at fault but couldn't work for 3months and had a goldfish memory for at least a couple of weeks. I couldn't do that to her and the kids, but the track is a good compromise.

    People there are cool, lots of them are returning riders and you can rent everything. Not like group rides on the road, everyone just wants to progress their skills and have a good time.

  • +1 vote

    Grow a pair!

  • -2 votes

    Just factor into the cost of the bike a life insurance policy that pays out $10 million and make sure it doesn't exclude death by stupidity. You'll also want to factor in the cost of permanent disability insurance for $20 milion so that in the less palatable alternative that you don't actually die and just make yourself a permanent invalid, it won't be up to your wife and child to pay the price for your selfish behaviour and provide you 24/7 care.

    When you chose to have a child you took on the responsibility of raising that child. That requires you to put their well being ahead of yours. Grow up and have a standard mid life crisis and buy a Porsche.

  • +1 vote

    Asking here is a waste of time. The only 2 people that matter in this are you and her.

    You are not owned, and cannot let yourself be owned. You are an adult that gets to make his own decisions. BUT those decisions affect your family and you have to consider them. You need to find a compromise. That compromise may or may not include you riding a dirt bike and no one here can dicate that. Keep talking to your wife. Tell her you understand her point of view but are disappointed that she won't allow discussion. Tell her it's not a slippery slope if you're sure you are just interested in buying a dirt bike. Be nice about it, and don't let it turn into a heated argument. Keep calm and your voice calm. But in the end you WILL have to make compromises to accomdate her and your children. No doubt you already have.

    If she's nice to you in other ways it sounds like she's actually afraid to lose you, rather than just the income stream. Particularly since she's lost a cousin. That's actually priceless. Hold onto a partner that still cares about you.

    To be honest, in your shoes, I'd just find a different hobby. It's not worth the trouble. But then, I don't love bikes, do I.

  •  

    I tend to agree with wife only because you have a very happy marriage and life and this one thing could cause a riff. Tell her you decided on hang gliding instead as there is no danger of cars, yes, rocks etc… She clearly cares to 6 much about you and that is something to be treasured. Pick another interest just for the sake of it.

    Another issue is the 'don't carry your coffee like that you'll spill it' syndrome… You'll spill it. The Chinese call it a black tongue I believe, if she tells you you will have an accident….

  •  
  • +4 votes

    Been through the same situation about 15 years ago. Been a rider with 6 years experience, commuting, "spirited" twistys days and track days. Worked my way up from 250->400->600, 400 2Strokes MX/Tourers.

    My GF back then (now wife) had the same issue. I could never understand or empathize with the whole "I get worried about you / what if you died-get injured". My answer would be always I am always a defensive rider and confident in my handling skills. Never had an accident, just close calls.

    So when we couldn't agree to this point for almost 2 years into the relationship. I thought it would work itself out (get my way). But I found out she got her pre-learners then her Ls, and then it got real when she got small 125R bike. Initially it was great, with her being a competent rider, we could enjoy the same hobby, go on trips together.

    But then when she started hitting the trails, roads and twistys, it hit me really hard. Finally felt the "worry" every time she commuted herself, arrived late down a set of twistys, didn't pick up the call right away. I tried to "fix it" with things like kitting her up with top of the range helmets, full leathers, back protectors, boots, gps trackers, etc.. So I remember that "feeling" being excruciating.

    Short story is that we both agreed to stop riding. This is how it ended for me. But every relationship is different. I chose to end the worry by "trading" something I enjoy doing. Looking back, not sure why it was so hard to give up as being in a cage is so comfortable now.

    •  

      Very interesting story ! I kind of feel that as well… we have a bit of a double standard in our worry for people.

  • +1 vote

    [decided not to participate in this conversation and deleted my comment]

  • +1 vote

    Sounds like she actually loves you. xx

  •  

    I've ridden motorbikes my whole life, i still have one. People on the road are idiots, we can be idiots at times too. I don't know you at all but i would prefer that you lived as long as possible.

    • +1 vote

      So many comments here are from people who've never ridden a bike and show preconceived prejudices.

      I've also ridden most of my life.

      Marriage isn't about one party 'ruling' the other. Whilst I can understand the wife's attitude it appears she isn't giving OP any credit for common sense. Sounds like he loves both the wife and child so it's doubtful he would go too silly in the dirt.

      Thankfully, in my case, such conversations occurred before commitment. I went out a few times with a girl before she told me if we 'got together' she'd expect me to sell my motorcycle…. so that was "bye bye" from me. I met another girl who appeared interested in having a pillion ride on my bike… we've now been married for 3 decades. We also have a son in his mid-twenties. Never at any stage did Mrs. StingyBritches 'insist' I give up riding.

      And before anyone asks (for full disclosure) I've had two large 'incidents' on bikes, and one on a pushbike. The last was multiple ribs (and other fun stuff) after a large rut 'got' me trail riding. These things happen. I'm still here and love riding. Of course, my wife worries and always tells me to be careful riding. I also want to have a long life and see my son grow older so, like the OP, I have a personal stake in sticking around.

      I'd say to OP's wife: cut him some slack. I think he knows your concerns and should be smart/adult enough to behave accordingly on a bike.

  • +3 votes

    Up your life and TPD insurance to $3M she will force you to buy a bike.

    •  

      Is it through your super fund?

  •  

    Just change wife -> Problem solved

    •  

      It will be a very expensive swap

  •  

    Ease her mind by telling her you'll get this:

    https://youtu.be/N2jZryt607U

    Now go ahead and spend your hard earned money.

  • +5 votes

    I know this is a forum, for all to share their wisdom, but…

    He wants to put a traily in his ute, drive to the bush and trail ride.

    All these road trauma stories are irrelevant!

  •  

    I'm a male rider and she has a point. I suggest getting yourself a rec reg dirt bike and learning dirt bike riding.

    As a mountain biker it's a much more natural progression. You are also statistically far less likely to die on a dirt bike (although likely have more chance of an injury like a broken leg / rib / arm).

    • +4 votes

      I suggest getting yourself a rec reg dirt bike and learning dirt bike riding.

      Jesus christ people, that's exactly what he's trying to do!

  • -1 vote

    If she doesnt want you to buy a bike , dont buy it . We have 2 regular customers who carry the sadness and hollowness of their lives as husband decided to buy a bike and both passed away in road accidents , both not at fault once car driver couldnt see and one truck driver couldnt sight bikes on the road.

    Even if you do everything right there are more chances of you being dead on a bike than a car or a truck driver.

    I do understand there are risks in everything we do but in this instance listen to her , she loves you and doesnt want to loose you and cannot stand the thought of loosing you.

  • -1 vote

    I had a similar story, my mum didnt want me to die because my dad rode on the road for 20 years and never got close to being in danger until aus started letting people with licenses from other countries drive normally ans then he got wiped out. Lucky to be alive and walking. I ended up buying a dirt bike and a used ninja 300 for track use. Riding on the road is a real shit show. Race track and dirt tracks have a tonne of area for you to fall off and slide/slow down before you hit something hard usually so thry are a lot safer.

  •  

    Don't buy.

  •  

    I can swing by later and help her see it your way if you'd like. I can be… Very convincing

  •  

    A wife that doesn't want you to die. You poor man

    • +1 vote

      To be fair it seems like we're trying to talk to a man-child here.

  •  

    You chose to get married and have a kid. Your in this together. Your wife is right to be concerned as motobikes are dangerous.
    I personally went through the urge to buy a bike at one time in my life too. I'm not married with a kid though.
    I decided against as a friend died on a motorbike a few days before I went to buy one. That was my 2nd friend to die in a motorbike accident and I also know a few people who had some major skin grafts after accidents too. That was it for me.
    Good luck though, maybe your wife will let you get a jetski or something else instead.. not sure if they are safer.

  •  

    Time to negotiate, I'd suggest.

  •  

    How did you know your wife is not reading this right now?

  •  

    I've seen two people die in my 40 years. Both of those people were on motorbikes.

    Won't catch me on one

  • +2 votes

    Lol, a lot of posters in here need to grow a pair.

    Negotiate with your wife like an adult. It is your life. You share your lives together, granted, but if it's important to you then you need to find a solution that you both can accept.

    If that fails, randomly book her a nice spa weekend with her friends, then buy a bike and leave it in the driveway for when she returns.

  •  

    When I did placements in a neuro ward. I was told the 2 biggest causes of traumatic brain injuries are horse riding and motorbike accidents.

  •  

    Your wife has all the right reasons to be concerned about your safety.
    If she sees this link, she will never come to terms when you do get the bike.
    https://youtu.be/GtX1Bef46GA