TLDR; preferably after advice from married women. Help me understand the mentality behind this. My wife won’t let me buy a motorbike because she says she doesn’t want me to die in an accident and leave her and child behind.
Before getting married, from the age of 18 - 22 I used to commute to the city on a sports bike for uni and work. I have been a mountain biker for the better part of 15 years and I mainly ride down hill and enduro, for those who know this is largely very technical high speed and dangerous riding that I do almost every weekend of the year unless it’s raining. I also used to cycle using a road bike and I did this for 5 years but since stopped as I didn’t enjoy as much as dirt plus it committed a lot more time.
Recently I have rekindled my desire to get a motorbike again, so I am looking at buying a trail / dirt bike to head into the bush to ride.
It’s a bit of a natural progression for me and I love riding so it’s just an extension of the leisure I already undertake.
My wife who is normally very accommodating, flexible and understanding of my antics (whether it is going away for camping trips, boys weekends, or spending money on hobbies) has put her foot down on this in a big way and completely against it.
She is making statements like;
‘I would be extremely let down if you go ahead with this’
‘This is very selfish, if you died you would leave me behind to deal with everything’
‘I won’t stand by if you buy a motorbike and let it happen’
‘Don’t think you can just do this’
Really really strong language is used when the topic is brought up. Similarly I do not ever bring it up, I love watching the stuff on YouTube and usually then she raises it and makes a comment. Likewise if she sees somebody on a motorbike next to us while we are driving she’ll just randomly say stuff like ‘don’t think you can do something like that person’ - almost like she is trying to stamp out the thought so the action doesn’t follow.
For me it’s just a natural progression two wheels have always been a part of my life. So buying a dirt bike feels very normal and I am very confused with all this.
Likewise I don’t do do anything else that one would consider a vice - clean as a whistle (no drinking, smoking, drugs, infidelity, gambling, reckless spending, selfish spending, dishonesty, mistreatment, absenteeism) nothing. I spend a lot of time with my son, so I’m not an absent father either. I spend a lot of time with her so I’m not an absent husband.
I work extremely hard, I’m an adult and I take care of my family and make sure I always do my best so I don’t see why I can’t make a decision like this if I want too.
From my own reflection there are 3 incidents which I feel have shaped her mentality to date but this is just based on my own internal reflection - I could be wrong which is why I’m asking for advice as I can be WAY OFF.
1 - I usually go hard on everything. When I mountain bike, I ride hard, when I start a new hobby I research everything from top to bottom, when I work I really put it in. She may think that once I have a bike things will get out of hand based on my personality? I’ll ride hard, have a big accident and hurt myself.
2 - I had a road cycling accident, no broken bones, just a broken ego and smashed up body and some stitches. I fell off at speed on concrete and had to sit on the side of the path until she could come and pick me up to go to the doctors. She freaked out and tried to ban me from riding a bicycle again.
3 - She had a cousin die in a motor vehicle accident. At the time she was a baby so I don’t think they were very close but it occurred in her life so she may remember it or at least remember the impact on the families.
I would love to hear the mindset of some women who might feel the same or differently so I can gather a better understanding of this situation. She is an amazing woman and the above is not reflective of her personality which is why I am so confused because I can almost do anything with impunity and no oversight, but not this. If I said I’m going on a holiday with my mates for a week next month, she will just say ok have fun.
I would love to figure out how I can make the experience less stressful on her but also make it enjoyable for me and get a bike.
There is also the possibility to never buy a bike and just listen. But then what is the purpose of anything if you can’t do the things you enjoy. We live in an age of decadence, once we stopped working to survive we started working to create enjoyment.
Firstly, thank you for correct spelling.
I suggest you:
* get your bike licence with an accredited rider training school for good foundation training
* Never ride a road bike on the road because that sh!t is dangerous
* Purchase an underpowered secondhand trail bike like a klx250 or equivalent in your preferred brand. Just get rec reg and trailer to riding locations
* Purchase decent quality safety gear in particular helmet, boots and gloves
* Research nearby trails that have easy tracks (may need to join local Facebook groups or even your local motocross club may have one - plenty of riders do multiple disciplines)
* Practice, practice, practice by taking it very easy, but not too slow because that makes riding more difficult
* There are accredited motocross instructors for lessons on both flat and jumps (if in VIC PM for details) to upgrade your skills and techniques
* As you improve ditch the underpowered heap of junk and get yourself a 250 motocross bike YZ250F, KX250F etc and improve your skills further while enjoying all the new power
* As you improve and want a change of riding style ditch the 250 four stroke and get yourself a 2 stroker (250-350) KTM, Beta, Yamaha etc
* As you improve ditch the motocross 2 stroke and get yourself a 450F and start having some serious fun with all that bottom end power
* Always stay safe, be alert and have fun