What to Do with Bullying?

My Y2 son is suffering from being bullied by his 4-5 classmates weeks and bullies don’t let him tell teachers. I’ll update some details soon.

My son wrote "X did it a week ago he did ponching kicking squeezing my neck and scratching me and last but certainly not the least he kicked me on the peanus and nearly took my clothes of!😢"

What and how can I do to solve this?

UPDATE 11/6/21:

I had a catchup with the principal. She and the room teacher did the initial investigation. It was a game cop/prisoner but became rough later. She talked with all related children and they apologized to my son. The game is not allowed anymore. Their parents will get notified as well. We booked a follow-up catchup the week after. Thanks for all your comments.

Comments

        • Judo or BJJ is the best for kids imho. Self defence is the focus, young kids don't need to be learning any striking.

  • +1

    Raze hell util your kid isn't bullied any more.

  • +1

    This bully needs to be punished

  • +2

    Went through a similar situation where my kids were being bullied - it was handled so abysmally that we pulled them out of the school and put them in a catholic school (not everyone is lucky enough to have this option).

    My suggestions:
    - Keep a log of every bullying incident - our last school tried to tell us that 18mths of physical assault was not considered bullying
    - Don't blame your child for not reporting every incident….they probably don't feel like they are in a safe space, or they know nothing will come of their complaint
    - encourage your child to report every incident (if they are able to), otherwise do it for them. The school may say that they can't do anything if the child doesn't report it, which your reply should be that your child doesn't feel safe enough to report these incidents, or that they feel that are not being heard
    - Teachers are probably aware, but are unlikely to do anything (from my experience)
    - Email your communications to the school to keep a paper trail (even if they don't reply via email)
    - You can complain to Dept of Education if you feel like you're not getting anywhere with the school

    I also told my kids that if the bullies hit you, hit them back, because the school knows about it and they are not doing anything.

    Excuses that the school made:
    - "it's not bullying unless it is targeted and happens regularly" (I'm sorry? 18mths of reported incidents is not enough?)
    - "we didn't know" (really? numerous emails from me and phone calls and you didn't know?)
    - "the principal didn't share this information with us (the rest of the staff) before she left" (how is this even an excuse? I spoke to different staff members about these incidents)
    - "they should report every incident" (yep, they have reported almost every incident to the teacher on duty)
    - "oh? they have been reporting the incidents? well, the playground incident system doesn't send us reports or anything…we don't have oversight on the system" (how is this my problem?)
    - "<the bully> is just trying to play with them, he doesn't know that he is being rough" (wtf)

    I have been in your situation and sympathize. I hope it works out for you.

    Also, what someone else said….Karen the shit out of it. Make sure you are heard, it's your child's wellbeing at stake.

    • +1

      "We don't use the "b" word because that labels the child and affects their self-confidence"

      "They seem pretty confident hitting my kid"

  • +2

    Car battery charger is on sale for $76 on the front page. Buy one and teach the little'un how to zap his enemies.

    • not enough, need a defib. or learn to zap via static electricity which is usually free.

  • +1

    I was never bullied but observing it happen, the best things you can do is tell your kid to laugh it off, hit them back or allow them to talk shit back

  • +4

    As a teacher, definitely go and see the school. A lot can happen that we are unaware of but all schools should take those incidence serious if you bring it to the attention. Don't be scared to go to the principal also. Just don't go in all fired up and guns blazing, the school will be on your side. If you get a completely unacceptable response to you bringing this to their attention then go to the area coordinators for the school. Can DM me if you want more advice if the first step doesn't work.

  • +3

    Teacher, then the principle of nothing happens.

    I have bullied my whole school life. I f***ing hate bullies.

    I'm grateful my 1st born is naturally good at everything, and is like by all the kids.

    My 2nd son is just starting out school (kindy), he is small, being a prem baby, so he does get pick on, but we have always told him to defend himself without hurting, tell the teachers if anyone hurts him etc.

    It also helps being involved as much as possible at school, being around the other parents, getting kids to play together and build friendships.

    • Bullies are cowards, full stop.

    • +2

      You are an example of someone who became resilient. Some not so lucky and go down on a different part. Your personal experience will definitely help you guide your children to have a better childhood experience and your children will appreciate your understanding.

    • Great advice!

      I'm sorry you were bullied when you were in school. It disgusts me!

  • +5

    There's no PC way around it.

    The only way to stop bullies is to stand up to them. This includes getting physical from time to time. Even if you don't "win" the fight, the bully will know you're not an easy target and will be lighter on

    The more you cower the more you will be a victim - and this unfortunately, is exactly what adult life is like also

    • I think this is the correct answer, but is also easier said than done for some children.

  • +5

    The best way to eliminate bullying is to build relationship with the parents, teachers and you children's friends. If everyone know each other and you give attention/care, respect is built and bullying will be avoided.

    My parents were volunteering as the school advisory (parents teachers group). Because of that, most of my friends are reluctant to bully me and some treated my parents as their own parents.

    • +1

      I think this is great advice for many matters beyond bullying too.
      When kids hit any issues, if you know the teachers, principal and other parents well, everyone is motivated to find solutions.

  • +2

    "The game is not allowed anymore." - of course they blame the game. Take away the fun for all the good kids too…

    It's pretty sad that the teachers of even such young kids don't even really seem to be aware when bullying is going on. There needs to be better supervision, especially of kids who have hurt other kids before.

    Get your kid into Judo or Jiujitsu. It's great fun for kids and will give him the ability and confidence to stay safe.

    • of course they blame the game. Take away the fun for all the good kids too

      Yep, and this won't even stop the bullying. It will continue during other activities.

  • +3

    beat up the leader and the rest will crumble. telling teachers will only make your kid look like a weakling, my dad used to say if you tell someone 3 times to stop annoying you then its fair game to belt the shit out of them

    • Good advice if I applied it to my kids both would permanently be in hospital . lol :)

      • thats no good. everyone should at least know how to defend themselves.

    • "You're never allowed start it. You're always allowed to finish it."

      • thats what my boxing coach always said, he would make us do a 12 round match with him if we got into a fight and started it. lucky i never started fights lol

  • +5

    "Playing a game" is a pretty common excuse for bullies trying to reduce blame on themselves. Be aware of this.

  • Depends. Are you a single mum?

    • No, I just don't have any experience in this topic so look for constructive suggestions.

  • When I was a kid, my younger brother would always come up and hit me. Eventially one day I hit him back. He went crying to mum and I got in trouble, But he was okay when older and gave me a valuable piece of advice, My so called friends kept stealing from me. He said Dont take people back to your place. It worked.He passed in his thirties from cancer.

    • gg

      AT least your brother respects you enough to not hit you anymore.

  • +1

    If it flares up again don’t be afraid to consider changing schools too if there’s no other solution. Afterall you’d change jobs if you were being bullied at work, any of us would.

    • -1

      Afterall you’d change jobs if you were being bullied at work, any of us would.

      What if you just chugged along trying to ignore all of this whilst be pelted from all sides?

  • +1

    Talk to the parents - you get the sense of of the bullies home life and best way to approach the situation given the bullies parents response when you confront them. One bully's dad was a huge Māori and their primary school kid was bigger than me…The dad was a bit rough but the bullying stopped when I just talked to him and how it Impacted my kids mental health… most parents are decent if you approach them correctly especially if it's in primary school

  • +1

    Cop / prisoner games are bad, even for grown adults: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_prison_experiment

  • Sounds like George Floyd game… ah but he wasn't nearly raped that's the difference

  • assault, that is not bullying, that is assault. But the tender young ages will clear them of that.

  • Im not sure anyone remembers others that were bullied at severe levels back in the day for being a rat and seeking an apology, bullies do not get bored when you ignore them and their attacks are amplified knowing no consequences are coming is the same with rating them out to a teacher the punishment they may get is just a holiday, take the kid to self defence classes that focus on basics and technique rather than sparing or grading especially grading you don't need its just a money making trap these days , teach your kid is ok to hit back if it's warranted after giving them a chance, teach them is ok to hit them to save someone as well

    • +1

      My two younger sisters and I were Ice Skating on a Friday night at a indoor Ice Rink in the early 2000's. Imagine club lights, a disco ball, and loud music. So the Dj announces over the speakers "couples song coming up next" while everyone's still skating to Sugar Ray or whatever was playing. Some punk asks my youngest sister to skate with him during the couples song, she says no and he shoves her from behind. She falls face first into the wall and busts her nose wide open.

      blood and tears are rolling down her face. I skate over and ask "What happened!?" She points across the rink crying and says "the guy with the orange hoodie" I take off full speed towards him and he doesn't even know I'm coming for him.

      I body slammed that kid so hard, the DJ stopped the music and turned the house lights on. At the same time my sisters had scurried into the ladies room to deal with the blood and of course 'No one saw them' or 'What he did to my sister' now people are freaking out thinking I randomly attacked this a-hole. Police arrive within minutes and arrest me, paramedics are "helping the dude" he was laying unconscious on the ice for a while, then claimed to be have trouble breathing. The Cops ask me what happened, talk to witnesses, then they talked to both my sisters and that's when they began taking the cuffs off of me, one cop leans in and whispers "I didn't tell you this, but good job" and pats me on the shoulder.

  • Sometimes you need to change what you are doing 'cause it's making you an easy target…

  • it surprises me that with all the discussions that are being held with students and teachers, bullying still finds its way into the classroom. I am deeply sorry that your child has had such a nasty experience with those bullies. There is no way that your kid is lying. I don't think that the excuse that the game had just got rough could work here. I really hope that those bullies will understand that physical violence isn't the way to go and that to have great relationships in the classroom you only have to be kind to one another. Kindness requires less effort than being openly rude and physically aggressive. I hope that your kid will only have kind people in his life from now on.

    • +1

      I'm not sure the bullies are really thinking in those terms. Bullying has clear benefits and that's why people do it. Bullying is fun and elevates your social status. You get to act on your discust for weak people and feel superior. And let's face it, young ladies at that level of maturity don't really mind a handsome bully.

      The only way I can see to deal with bullying is to either ostracise the bullies or teach them how to treat you (maybe with a blood nose). You might be able to make the bullying too expensive for them by getting the police involved but results may vary.