Complaining Neighbour: Am I Bad or It’s My Neighbour?

Hi Guys,
I am looking for your feedback!

My work starts from 6:00 AM, need to drive more than 25 Km every morning (Strathfield to Granville on Parramatta Road, then on M4 to Reservoir Road). So Everymorning at 4:30/4:45 AM I need to wake up, take shower at 5:00 AM and leave around 5:15 AM.

I moved in my new unit few months back. When I moved here, bathroom tap used to make some noise while turning On - and would stop in Medium/High. The first day after coming home from work- my neighbour left one note on my door saying: “I WOKE UP BY THE SOUND OF YOUR BATHROOM”. That was understandable, and I had already took photos and video of sound of tap and was thinking to send to real estate to ask to repair on the same day. That evening, I bought bucket and started bucket bath in the morning to prevent sound of shower tap. Closed 90% of window (left 10% open to let steam go out - else fireAlarm can get triggered).

After 2 days again got note on my door saying they woke up by sound of me bathing, and they even called my realestate asking to get my bathroom fixed, which I had already done from my side. Then I started taking deep baths in the evening and just a quick shower in morning. I can’t go to work without taking shower, as I need to drive on Motorway so need to be fresh.

Plumber came - fixed the shower. No complaints abt that so far.

After 1 week again they left another note saying they woke up when I lock my door while going out. Now I started to get upset - I never bang my door. Anyways I started to lock only one lock that doesn’t make sound (the door knub that we can push from in while going out) and didn’t lock screening door (just to take upto lock - and leave it) - so no locking sound will come.

Now again today they left me aother note saying they always wake up by sound of my shoes while going work in morning.

Frankly speaking I am not an alien who has just landed on earth and doesn’t know how to live in neighbourhood. I have lived in many units and going on work early morning. I can understand when I leave home at around 5:15 AM, many people are sleeping at that time. So I always try to be as quiet as possible. Before I had never got any complaints abt noise or anything, and when I just moved here - in 2 months I am getting complaints over complaints.

I have seen the same neighbour leaving note on other units on lower floor saying “Don’t talk in loud sound over phone”, “Don’t talk in loud sound after 10:00 PM”. Luckily no evening issues with me so far.

I am just wondering if I am the bad neighbour, or she’s complaining neighbour. What is the chance of getting disturbed by shoes sound - it’s Executive Safety boot - so can have more sound than sports shoes. But not like I bang each steps of stairs.

What can be the solution of this? Should I talk with her? Leave a note to her ? Put my shoes in car downstairs and wear sneakers up-to my car? The first note was understandable-shower used to make sound. But after that if she gets wake up when I take bath, when I lock door or walk - either I should be crazy neighbour or she has very sensitive sleep.

Comments

  • +8

    Your neighbour is lucky she isn’t living next to me.
    I take explosive number 2 around the clock.

    • +5

      better get that checked out

  • +2

    This person must be the lightest sleeper in the world, tell them you are not a ninja and cannot be silent in everything you do. Tell them to google the physics of sound and to stop bothering you. You cannot come to terms with crazy people.

  • +1

    Play some soothing sounds for your neighbour at specific times in the day.

    This one is my favourite - you'll have more intimate convos with all of your neighbours. It really brings the community together.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZdPsTFOyaE

  • Tell them to get some cheapo earplugs and go about your business. Sorry that your neighbour is a giant karen.

  • +1

    You my friend have gone above and beyond what most people would do and tried to accommodate this "karen"

    • Spot on….. I had a Ken this year, and when I told him exactly what he told me, Ken seemed to disappear. A eye for a eye, a complaint for a complaint. Surely OP has some things this women needs to improve herself. Ken's and Karens come down off their high horse when they are actually in the wrong and don't realise it. 3333333333

  • +2

    Any of you guys had to deal with a neighbour that plays shit music on their crap stereo - the bass vibrates my whole house… Unfortunately they own it - already asked nicely to turn it down - he doesn't give a (profanity)… It's so bad currently looking at selling up and moving - its crazy people can be so inconsiderate. Your case is obviously nothing like what I'm describing.

  • Throw the notes straight into the bin. It's sad but this person has no life and has made it their life's mission to allow every small issue become their hill to die on.

    Personally I wouldn't even bother trying to accommodate their requests. Just live your life within the law and the strata requirements and tell the agents that they are harassing you if you get more.

  • +4

    To be honest OP, you sound like such a wonderful person taking so much care to ensure your neighbours are not disturbed.

    It's definitely your neighbour who is being a bloody whinging deadshit. Just ignore her or if you want you can tell her that unfortunately you're doing your best to keep it down, she'll need to deal with the residual noise.

  • +3

    Leave a note for them with some ear plugs attached to it,

  • +4

    Invest in a coffee grinder, not a high end one, and start drinking coffee before work. Maybe two cups before you go. She will love it.

    • +7

      I use a nutribullet to smash my beans. My cats leave the room as soon as they hear me tightening the lid. OP should get a nutri bullet.

  • +1

    Do what you can to keep the noise down, but don’t go out of your way. Sounds like you have gone over and above. You cannot be expected to be completely silent but you can make a hit of an effort like you are.

    You aren’t the problem.

  • +3

    Survey your neighbours to determine whether they have been woken up by your noise as well, and how they deal with any notes from this neighbour.
    Sounds like you are doing your best - don’t stress too much, sounds like this person isn’t well suited to high density living…

  • -5

    Relax: Once NSW falls to you know who,
    you MUST make all noises like to fit in with the new!

  • +3

    Ignore them for now, but report to your agent (in writing) that you are being harassed by them. Keep, scan & send the agent copies of the notes showing their unreasonable pattern of behaviour over time.

    Go about your business in normal fashion. Treading water around such moron's only encourages them to go further.

    Shower sound, ok perhaps annoying. Anything more and the other party should seriously consider moving in to a single home and away from apartment living (given they're so prone to leaving notes at other doors & floors).

    Mistake no.1 below. LOL… Use what you have whilst waiting to get issue addressed by owner/agent. You're far too considerate & accommodating…..

    "That evening, I bought bucket and started bucket bath in the morning to prevent sound of shower tap."

  • +2

    its definitely you…..you are a 'loud-walker', the bane of apartment existence everywhere

  • +1

    Karens are everywhere now. Time for her to move, to the afterlife.

  • +5

    Leave her a note saying apartment living isn’t for her.

    • +3

      Bikies! 3 more weeks and mufflers will be outlawed like in Queensland….
      Cops will fine her for complaining.

  • May want to record your morning ritual (audio not video) in case she gets a foot in with your REA.

    You could also complain to the body corporate that she is not affording you quiet enjoyment of your apartment.

    Not much you can donwith apartments as the sounds travels through the structure.

  • That is normal behaviour for your neighbour apparently.
    I would take dated photographs of all the messages you find on other people's doors, so that you have evidence of the kind of messages they leave.

  • +10

    Keep all the notes - it shows a pattern of unreasonable behaviour.

    You can also document what you've done and send to the real estate agent - so if the neighbour contacts them the agent already knows you are not the problem + it also gets on the record that you are trying to be very reasonable.

    Do you know if the neighbour is renting or if they are an owner? There may be a few other avenues if they are renting. If they are an owner you can potentially contact the strata/building management and also let them know about the sequence of requests and what you have been doing to mitigate the issue but the harassment is continuing.

    Taps are one thing but complaining about your shoes and things like that - reasonable people will see that the requests are unreasonable, and getting the formal bodies involved (even if they do nothing) is good as they are aware of the situation and what you are doing before your neighbour spins them an exaggerated story

  • +1

    I would ask the real estate agent why the last person left and if they have a record of your considerate neighbour vigorously assisting with neighbourhood relations. It appears to be them and not you though how you describe the situation. If they are renting through the same agent get the agent to get off their ass and assist. Hell of a situation to be in mate.

  • Not your fault you need to start work early, tell your neighbour it's their fault for buying / renting and living in a unit with close neighbours.
    EDIT: You can tell your REA your neighbour has been harassing you with unsolicited messages.

  • I suggest you keep all those notes etc and actions taken to date so far to appease her, just in case you need it for evidence. You have a ticking time bomb nut job neighbour and she could turn nasty. This could be borderline harassment.

  • +2

    "her" I think she needs a date with Mandingo then she will relax

  • +3

    Your neighbour is the bad neighbour. You have gone above and beyond. Now you know why the previous tenant moved out.

  • +1

    Mate…make it worth while. Get up on a Sat or Sunday, go thru the motions and skip on being quiet. Then come back say (after a trip to the markets, make it worth you while at least), and head home. As you walk in the door say to yourself but out loud…bugger I thought is was still Friday.

    OR….. Ignore the inevitable letters keep your calm and approach Agent with the complaints say weekly and give your sensible approach to alleviate any noise. Ensure you show the you make the extreme efforts to not create undue noise, and you have done your part.

    Good luck.

  • +2

    She is not the type of people who can live in an apartment. I agree with comments above that you have done enough. The problem is not on your side.

  • Op please talk to her or put a note under the door and tell her the situation is on a forum about her whinging and give her the right of response .

  • your neighbour sounds like an absolute nightmare. I'd buy them some earplugs

  • +6

    On the way out every morning, leave a note under their door: "YOUR NOTES UNDER MY DOOR ARE WAKING ME UP"

    This is war.

  • You said you have seen her putting notices on other doors. Can you approach those neighbours and ask them what her problem is with them? May not solve anything, but might make you feel a bit better.

  • I'm thinking of buying a penthouse, or should that be, I'm dreaming of buying a penthouse. Will I still have these apartment problems, like the sound of neighbours and their plumbing?

    • Depends on the building. Unlikely if it is a real penthouse, as the building should be a modern, quality construction with thick concrete slab between floors.

      • sounds can travel through the slab if they are physically connecting with the floor (e.g. dragging a chair on tiles), there's more to acoustics than concrete

  • Assuming everything you say is accurate - and it sounds like it is: this person either has mental issues or is completely bored out of their brain (or both). They live in an apartment - there will be small amounts of noise from the people who live near them. If they never want to hear another person then they can go and live in a cabin in the woods (but I'm sure they'd complain about the birds). Tell your real estate the efforts you have gone to and that this person continues to complain. If the person is renting then perhaps the RE can do something about it.

    Don't to anything more to try to appease this neighbour, it won't work and you're just making your own life hard for their unreasonable expectations. Go back to locking your door properly and bathing normally - these are reasonable things to do.

    I'm thinking about my own situation and how this person would have an aneurism if my family with two young kids was living near them!

  • +3

    Dude, you actually sound like a really thoughtful neighbour. You have already done way more than most would trying not to disturb anyone during your normal routine.

    This lady must obviously have never lived near another human, let alone children!

    Perhaps if she leaves another note regarding noise for anyone, anonymously leave a pair of earplugs with a note suggesting to use them instead of leaving frivolous complaints at neighbours doors.

    I wish you luck, people like that can be a real pain in the butt.

    Kudos to you for being a decent person, and for double checking that you’re not being the unreasonable one!

    • This lady must obviously have never lived near another human

      I suspect she has, and has been creating drama with everybody around her for years. I accidentally lived with one once, and the amount of apologizing I had to do to everybody we encountered was insane. After that it was very hard to get new rental applications approved too.

    • +1

      Agree. Old mate can be my neighbour anytime.

  • +3

    I used to live downstairs in one of those old art decor buildings, and the noise insulation was so shit you hear everything from upstairs apartment. That unit above me have tons of tenants moving in and out, most was ok except the last 2 tenants. One was a drug fuel household with police rocking up multiple times due to excessive noise and fighting, one time an ambulance was called. The other one was a shift worker who would get home and walked in her shoes in the middle of the night and start cooking playing tv etc.

    I did complain on the drug fuel tenants, and moved out after I had enough of the noise.

    What I am trying to say is that it would take a lot more than what you do for reasonable people to complain, I don't think do are doing anything crazy.

  • +5

    Next note might be "you're breathing to loud, I woke up to the sounds of you breathing!".

  • +5

    Bin the notes and ignore.
    Shower when you need to. Not to the neighbour's schedule!

  • +1

    Your neighbour needs to get used to apartment living.

    You've tried to accomodate them but complaining about the sound of your door closing is absolutely ridiculous if you're not even slamming it. If they can't put up with it, they should move somewhere where that isn't an issue for them.

  • +2

    Not even reading the comments. All I can say is you are doing what you can to minimise noise and be accommodating to their constant and increasingly unrealistic requests.

    I would not worry about them, you are doing nothing wrong. Unfortunately, this will cause tension so it may be best to move elsewhere, unless you are willing to deal with their constant notes and unreasonable requests.

    You can't pick your neighbours..

  • +3

    This is fun for Karen, it's probably all she thinks about and the most important thing on her life.
    I'd ignore her if I were you

  • +1

    It's unrealistic, we have neighbours above us and can hear the door, toilet flush, cooking but we've gotten used to it and typically they are asleep when we are so it isn't a problem, even with a newborn the noises never woke her up so they just sound picky, you are not being unreasonable - they should wear ear plugs if they can't sleep

  • +2

    They are building houses so close to each other now that you have the same issues apartment dwellers have. My friend, in a house, said she could hear her neighbour farting in his shower…

  • What does this mean?
    "I can’t go to work without taking shower, as I need to drive on Motorway so need to be fresh"

    Why do you need to be fresh on the motorway?

    Also - ignore the neighbour

    • +2

      so he doesn't fall asleep and crash and die (and most importantly to me, delay my commute)

  • +1

    The old Bronwyn Bishop line springs to mind - taking an instant dislike will save you a lot of time.
    Ignore them and go about your life making reasonable steps to not be unduly noisy. Nothing you do will be enough for them.
    If they talk to you about it, be ready to politely tell them that you need to get up early for work and you do not believe you are making undue noise. Do not apologise! Don’t agree to do anything different.
    They still won’t be happy. Just keep to your line.
    Oh - and ignore their ‘medical issue’ that makes it ‘especially difficult’ for them.
    Just remember - you are helping them build resilience! 😁

  • Get some toe taps for your shoes.

  • Feel for ya.. but you have already done more than you need to to appease this neighbour. If they really have such an issue with noise, they shouldn't be living in an apartment.

  • +1

    NTA

    As others have pointed out, this person is being unreasonable and doesn't understand reasonable noise when living in close proximity with others.

  • Speakers against the wall, leave taps to drip as much as sanely possible, hopefully shes listening for that lol, lock, unlock, and relock door everytime you leave, make sure door gets a little test rattle as well. Scuff your feet, also give them a good stomp to make sure any dirt is left outside, make sure you do some louding coughing and stretching outside her door every morning and night, everything possible that would be classed as a normal activity so she sounds crazier everytime she makes a complaint. Make friends with the other neighbours and get them on board too.

  • Something wrong with the sound proofing in your building. Is it a wooden house converted to apartments or something? In my previous apartment where I lived for several years, I could sleep while 20 guests were partying in the apartment immediately adjacent to mine, and the apartment immediately below me. And I'm a light sleeper.

    • +1

      that would be extremely rare these days. Walls are that thin you ask someone at your table to pass the salt and a fist comes through the wall with the salt shaker.

  • Bin the notes and just do what is reasonable I.e. try to be somewhat quiet in the morning but keep locking both doors. Complete silence is not a part of the deal when living in units, thems the breaks. See if you can make a complaint to the body corp as the person has probably earnt themselves a few enemies.

  • +1

    you should put those notes on your neighbour for some laughs.

    • Yes, print this thread out and tape to her door!

      And tell her you're thinking of getting a dog.

  • Nah you are good. You have done heaps to try and do the right thing. This neighbour needs to get a life. If they want dead silence they can move to the bush away from people.

  • +1

    As others have said, you're doing more than what you should ever do.
    I'd ignore her and live your life as required.

    I've lived in apartments before, and you have to expect certain noises to occur, which is just a natural part of living in a unit/apartment.
    What you are doing is not excess noise. She can hear your shoes on the ground? She lost me at that point. She will complain about anything and everything and everyone.

    Time for her to get a reality check.

  • TransGrid?

  • Get a Chromecast and Sounbar. Then stream cat noises until you get home.

    Plenty of other things you can stream (but might get you in trouble).

  • One of my neighbour complained my light was on until very late while I was working. We live in a house at least 10 meters away from my neighbour. What can I say?

    • suggest they get blockout curtains - fairly cheap from Spotlight - worked for our bedroom - made a big difference

  • She is being unreasonable here.

    Hearing a few noises from the neighbors going about their daily routine is an unavoidable part of apartment life.

    She can move into a house if she doesn't like apartment life.

  • +3

    I think your neighbor is mentally ill. She's way over sensitive.
    I'd like to make bigger noises and see what her reaction is

  • The whining taps I could understand. But when they keep finding issues like that (and are so aggressive in letting you know), they're the kind of person who is a perpetual pain and always angry at others, and never, ever learns. You won't win with reason and likely not by appeasement.

  • you have definitely done more than enough. you have a right to use your facilities and definitely to lock your door. If that disturbs them then perhaps they shouldn't live in apartments or need to look at better sound insulation. You aren't being unreasonable from your post. Sadly solution is to ignore or at least explain sorry, it is not intentional and state you try to be as quiet as possible but you have to leave for work at that time.

  • +2

    sounds like your neighbour has the hots for the muscular tradie neighbour and is angling for some one-on-one action …

    while it's tempting to reply-note with STFU and GTFO - you could cut them off at the pass with your well-written story above about how hard you've tried to mitigate any disturbance, and now you are starting to feel YOUR right to peaceful enjoyment is being disturbed by harassment by this neighbour

    I've bolded key legal type words which I suggest you include in an email to the strata manager - which they would forward to the strata committee - if annoying one is on the committee this will at least give them some pushback.

  • Tldr?

    • neighbour is an arsehole.

  • +2

    Crazy neighbour. Staple these to her door https://www.bunnings.com.au/3m-disposable-ear-plugs-80-pairs…

  • +2

    Neighbour be like: Hey OP, I was woken up by your breathing. Pls stahp.

  • +2

    I was on the bus this morning, quite full. The lady in front of me had placed her bag so that nobody could sit next to her. A young woman with a heavy bag asked very nicely if she could sit there. The woman replied 'no, I don't like people sitting near me'. Sadly this kind of person exists. Agree with gifting the ear plugs.

    • +2

      at that point her bag would have met the floor and I'd have sat down

      • +1

        Her bag did nothing wrong tho you’re punishing the wrong bag

  • +1

    You are an amazing neighbour let me just say that. I couldn’t even finish reading your post, that neighbour needs a wake up call.

  • you probably need to learn to "IGNORE" :)

  • You do absolutely nothing.
    If you see them tell them to call the cops 🤣🤣. What a dumb Karen. If it was me I'd be doing everything I can to be as annoying as possible after all thos bs she's tried to put you through.
    No I will not change my life because you are a trolling POS 🤡🤡🤡🤣

  • +1

    so many comments, yet no one has yet provided the relevant NSW laws (OP is is Sydney).

    Here they are:
    https://www.epa.nsw.gov.au/your-environment/noise/neighbourh…
    https://www.epa.nsw.gov.au/-/media/epa/corporate-site/resour…

    In your case it's probably dependent on the by-laws for your building. Unless you're using something specifically prohibited during restricted hours (like using a TV), which you don't seem to be.

    • 'In your case it's probably dependent on the by-laws for your building'

      that's the key point your links tend to hide

      strata bylaws take precedence over NSW EPA Noise rules like after 10pm at night

      and are generally like (old wording) 'must not make any noise at anytime likely to disturb another'

  • Your neighbour sounds like a right knob. If it were me I'd tell them to p**s off and leave me alone.

  • Mate, it sounds like 100% you are the more reasonable one in this situation. You have taken great steps to be a considerate neighbour so the issue is 100% with her. If anything you are doing doesn't stop her having a whinge, then lay it into her, make more noise, just do what you need to do in your life and if she has a problem, she can move out.

  • nightmare neighbour. they'll never be happy. you have to explain to them the situation as that's apartment living

  • +1

    Leave a note on your door for her to find

    due to the recent high levels of nuisance notes, notes on this door will not be accepted

  • :D

  • This was my experience with my neighbours. I was nice and accommodating the first time and they just kept asking for more and taking more. I am still a bit too cautious of having issues with my neighbours so i do try to still do what they ask but I realised it was my fault for letting them get their way the first time. Frankly neighbours should be able to handle and tolerate some noise and other things they may not like as that is part and parcel of sharing a neighbourhood with other people. Otherwise they should move to an area where they dont have neighbours.

  • Neighbours are the aresholes

    If they didnt want to live next to someone they should've bought a detached property.
    You're doing the right thing.

    Mind you the lack of sound insulation is worrying if they can hear all of that.

  • +3

    This would trigger me. Trigger me to get louder and less considerate until they realised they should never have complained in the first place. Crikey, what a whinger.

  • Just do wat ur doing… being considerate of ur neighbours, even if ur neighbour isn’t considerate of you. I would suggest you write to your real estate agent to pass on directly to strata you experience, as there could be other tenants in the same situation, and the troublesome neighbour will be on notice for harassment of other neighbours

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