How Do You Make Yourself and Others Ok?

cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 00:26
Last edited 14/09/2023 - 00:27

In commemoration of R U OK DAY, I'd love ppl to share the ways they help support others or themselves.
Because while we can ask others if they're ok, trust and openness is built in part through mutal sharing.
Sharing our own vulnerabilities, makes others more comfortable in sharing theirs without judgement.
So what do you do after a tough convo, day, moment, memory or situation and how do you look after others or yourself through challenging moments?

So…
I'm a believer in changing your surroundings and experiencing something different to distract and shock the senses.

I'm also a believer in encouraging the quiet person into engagement and conversation instead of pressuming they're not interested, arrogant or anti social.

General Discussion R U OK? Day

Comments

  • jv on 14/09/2023 - 00:56

    I'm a believer in changing your surroundings
    I'm also a believer in encouraging the quiet person

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiQUnxNEDqk&t=30s

    • debb on 14/09/2023 - 10:35
      +1

      LOL! Thanks @jv
      Can't get it out of my head now, going to be humming this all day…. hehehe.
      Warning: Above link is occupational hazard.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:53
      +1

      I'm scared to look.

      • jv on 14/09/2023 - 21:57

        Don't click unless you are 18+

      • debb on 15/09/2023 - 10:02
        +1

        Don't click unless you're a believer.

  • tallkid123 on 14/09/2023 - 00:59
    +15

    I just find it deeply ironic that R U OK Day is pushed so heavily in workplaces when I honestly have never given a shit about the vast majority of my colleagues.

    So what do you do after a tough convo, day, moment, memory or situation and how do you look after others or yourself through challenging moments?

    I sought professional help. It's been enlightening and comforting being able to talk about my personal and work problems with someone qualified.

    Much more effective than corporate PRETEND TO GIVE A SHIT Day.

    • Gunnar on 14/09/2023 - 06:54
      +9

      I work in mental health and really hate R U Ok day for this reason. It’s not just one day a year that you need to check in on people’s well-being

      Or worse than checking in once a year is not giving an empathic response when someone responds that they need help.

      Heard the following story from a colleague that happened on R U Ok day
      Boss: today is R U ok day. Hope you’re all well?

      One of mate’s colleague (genuinely): not really. There’s a bunch of things that I’m really struggling with and I am not sure what to do or where to start for that matter

      Boss: oh right okay. Well back to work

      • newjerseydamo on 14/09/2023 - 07:36
        +8

        I had someone ask me R U OK years ago. We knew each other from working near one another but in different teams. Mere work acquittances. I replied simply with "No". They had no idea how to deal with that and it was clearly them making themselves feel better by simply ticking a social box.

        As someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety for years, have actively looked after my wellbeing and gone to professionals for help, as well as tried to obtain an understanding on why I am the way I am, plus additionally learning I am (from what I can tell) on the spectrum, the corporate lines of R U OK really piss me off.

        • jjjaar on 14/09/2023 - 08:00
          +1

          I want to print this comment out in a3 and stick it up all over my office.

        • Homr on 14/09/2023 - 12:45
          +1

          love this comment especially the "simply ticking a social box"

          Couldn't be more truth

      • iridiumstem on 14/09/2023 - 10:08
        +1

        Unfortunately, I feel like the outcome we'd have if we ditched R U OK day would be no days where people check in on other's mental health.

        It does feel tokenistic, but it does raise awareness around mental health and provides an opportunity for a conversation.

        I feel like they really need to make more emphasis on mental health first aid, and what to do when people say no. I agree that it's terrible that we only have one tokenistic day where we talk about mental health and many people are not prepared to hear "no" for an answer, or worse, hear "no" and overreach beyond what they can do.

        • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:51

          Agree re mental health first aid. Last year I sent a long email to my workplace hr on r u OK day, listing things that we could do to better support employees throughout the year. One of the ideas was mh qst aid. Of course the workplace didn't do anything all year and I quit recently.
          The intention behind r u ok day is good just in practice businesses just want to tock it off and move along
          They don't value or see any roi.

          • iridiumstem on 14/09/2023 - 22:30
            +1

            @cookie2: Frankly speaking, I think companies should care more, even if they come from, we want to get the most of the employees.

            Eh, tokenistic or not, I think it at least is better than what the companies would choose to do if they didn't even had R U OK day. At least it gets people talking about how stupid it is that we only have one day a year that we have these tokenistic activities. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater so to speak.

            In the most ideal world, we wouldn't need an R U OK day. Things that R U OK day is promoting, where people ask the question and support people to seek appropriate supports, it's not something that is unreasonable, especially if you compare it to physical health and safety issues or if you see someone having health issues.

            I do dislike that the emphasis is just on "ask the question" with not many people really being equiped with knowledge that is required for an effective intervention. Some overshoot by trying to do too much and getting caught in a rock and a hard place, some go, it's absolutely stupid idea and don't really give two thoughts about the reason behind the day.

      • tallkid123 on 14/09/2023 - 11:17
        +4

        In 2018, I worked in a small company that I remember pushed R U OK day the hardest. We even had posters in the toilets.

        Not long after, an employee took his own life. It was surreal. One week, I was waiting for him to finish using the microwave. The next week, he was gone…

        He was at the company for at least 4 years.

        I remember because I was watching a small memorial email being put together for him and we could barely find photos of him from past events and the ones we did find, he always looked kinda sad and that he just wanted to be elsewhere.

        At the end of the day, it's up to us as individuals to work on our own mental health. I wish I sought help sooner for my own issues. But now that I've done it, I'm glad I did.

    • newjerseydamo on 14/09/2023 - 07:33
      +1

      Couldn't agree more.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:30

      I agree regarding corporate bs. Or you have no effort at all put in besides a morning tea or some yellow signage. But I think as individuals it can be a useful reminder to connect with others and be considerate and supportive of others and our own mental health. Limited eap sessions doesn't cut it.

      Thankyou for sharing and glad you found something that helps you.

  • iridiumstem on 14/09/2023 - 01:33
    +1

    I normally leave it at, if you want to lay it all out and have a chat, more than happy to be that sounding board, but I will strongly recommend getting professional help if you need supports after the conversation. It's their choice to take that offer, and it's their choice to seek professional supports.

    Normally that's as much as I would get to without risking opening a can of worms that needs more professional input.

    As per my self-care activity, either something that's numbing, like going for a walk with music on to zone out, or something that's more meaningful, going for a walk with aims to practice mindfulness activities, depending on where I am at with my mental health. I might do something different but they would either fall under numbing or mindfulness activity in some shape or form. If I anticipate things to hit the fan with my mental health, I take annual leave and just take a break from everything for a day.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:32

      The day break would be useful when you can see stress levels are building. Thanks for sharing your techniques.

  • morse on 14/09/2023 - 03:07
    +3

    It can be nice to invite someone for a walk, tea, lunch catch up etc. Someone you haven’t seen in a while or that seems like they’d enjoy any of the above.

  • garetz on 14/09/2023 - 05:09
    +1

    Go out and get some sun for vitamin d.

  • geekcohen on 14/09/2023 - 06:18
    +4

    One of many things is by sharing Bargains and buying Bargains through OzBargain.

  • Jimothy Wongingtons on 14/09/2023 - 06:55
    +7

    Every time I am not okay, I do 1 push up.

    • Gunnar on 14/09/2023 - 08:06
      +4

      I just eat a power sauce bar

      • Jimothy Wongingtons on 14/09/2023 - 08:20
        +2

        The Chinese newspapers add much-needed roughage and essential inks.

      • Godric on 14/09/2023 - 12:54
        +1

        I just eat a zinger box with pepsi max for the beverage

    • Caped Baldy on 14/09/2023 - 09:22
      +3

      Should aim for 100 pushups, 100 situps, 100 squats, and a 10km run every day.

      • mapax on 14/09/2023 - 09:42
        +2

        I see what you did there…

      • Jimothy Wongingtons on 14/09/2023 - 10:04
        +2

        throws up last nights kfc

        Damn it I knew I shouldn’t have tried the one punch man workout!

      • Domingo on 14/09/2023 - 10:04
        +1

        whoosh

      • christosauros1 on 14/09/2023 - 13:05
        +3

        But I don't want to go bald :(

        • Jimothy Wongingtons on 14/09/2023 - 20:12
          +2

          Considering my receding hairline and years of useless hair pills , maybe I SHOULD lean into the one punch man workout 🤔

          • mapax on 14/09/2023 - 21:56
            +1

            @Jimothy Wongingtons: But your hairline looks ok in your profile photo…
            I’ll show myself out.

  • ihbh on 14/09/2023 - 07:17
    +2

    How Do You Make Yourself and Others Ok

    We're out of the house typically many hours a day - gardening, playing in the garden, physical exercise (HIIT running, body weight exercises, run to shop and carrying heavy groceries home/to the car), bushwalk, beach.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:34

      Outdoors is awesome for the soul! I'm looking forward to, and enjoying, warmer days that have arrived in melb.

  • Sinnerator on 14/09/2023 - 08:50
    +1

    by not telling anyone at work
    or your friends
    or your wife (unless you really really really trust her)

    because people like you for who they THINK you are, not for who you really are

    ask yourself this, who do you really trust with information about yourself which could be VERY damaging?

    So, see a good therapist, surround yourself with quality people, and buy nice things for yourself :-)

    • Some Human on 14/09/2023 - 13:26
      +1

      Talking about my very few problems makes me feel better.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:36

      This would make me feel very lonely myself, to only feel safe sharing with a paid professional. That's a perk of having a partner, be able to share how you feel when you need support. Quality ppl 100%.

  • GordonD on 14/09/2023 - 09:01
    +2

    Doing things for yourself gives you pleasure. Doing things for others give you satisfaction.

    Eating something delicious, or going for a run, only gives you pleasure.

    You know a person is psychologically healthy when they are capable of both.

    So after you've found a great deal, buy it, then share it on OzBargain. That way you get both. That's what OzBargain is for.

    • GordonD on 14/09/2023 - 09:58
      +1

      The consequence of this is probably contrary to what most people would think if your goal is to make other people feel OK.

      The best way to do this is NOT to do something for them.

      It is to give them an opportunity to do something for you. Ask them for a small easy favour.

      It sounds back to front, but doing something for you gives them satisfaction, and the same for you.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:37

      That is so true but I'd never thought of it like that, thanks for sharing.

      • GordonD on 15/09/2023 - 10:39

        Yes, it made immediate sense when I heard it.

        If you do something for them they feel they owe you something. But if you ask them to do something for you, no matter how small, they get the satisfaction of doing it, and at the same time you being the one that then owes them, and that means that when they need something they feel they can ask for it.

  • Cheaplikethebird on 14/09/2023 - 09:13
    +1

    Exercise, eat well and keep a clean house. For me those three things are like a feedback loop that goes both ways.

    • dogboy on 14/09/2023 - 09:31
      +1

      You don't have kids I presume?

  • Caped Baldy on 14/09/2023 - 09:24
    +1

    I've been talking shit about senior management to fellow staff. It's pretty toxic here atm

    • hasher22 on 14/09/2023 - 11:12
      +4

      Be careful who you talk crap about to. Co-workers are not your friends and will throw you under the bus to save themselves.

      • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:41

        Not always true. They're just ppl, some can be trusted and others can't. Just be smart about it and minimal in writing.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:40
      +1

      When it's really bad at work, that safe outlet to bitch with others that understand, can really get you through the worst days. Is there an end in sight?

      • Caped Baldy on 14/09/2023 - 22:08

        Thanks for asking. Don't think there's change unless people leave.

        It's hard when they push certain values on to us but it's clear they don't demonstrate those values.

  • Stopback on 14/09/2023 - 11:01
    +1

    Humans are about desires and drives,

    Go fufil them, find your flow, and consume,

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:42

      Question, why consume? Do you feel it positively impacts your mental health?

  • tsunamisurfer on 14/09/2023 - 11:02
    +1

    I support myself through early on in life learning resilience.

    Understanding life has hardships and has adversity and learning to accept them.

  • TSH on 14/09/2023 - 11:53
    +4

    I normally take a sick day and go to the movies.
    The warmth of having a day off at company's expense lets me know I'm OK.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:42

      100% agree. All the more tasty.

    • Caped Baldy on 14/09/2023 - 22:08

      Mental health days are important!

  • Homr on 14/09/2023 - 12:40
    +1

    I drink beer to numb away the pain, but even that hurts now due to rise in cost from inflation

  • brad1-8tsi on 14/09/2023 - 12:55
    +2

    When I was in a deep hole about 10-12 years back I finally got the courage to talk to my GP. Courage because as a successful person with what appears to be a really good life, admitting you aren't getting any joy from the good things is like an admission you've failed. It's especially hard when those around you don't believe in depression (thanks ex-wife).

    I was put on mild antidepressants but also given a referral to a psychologist which was another near impossible phone call to make. After each of these hurdles there was a sense of relief.

    As well as medication, I cut back on booze, exercised more and cut back on the PlayStation and TV.

    I haven't been on medication for years. I did utilise the Employee Support Package at work and another psychologist in the year that Dad died, I got divorced and work was trying to make me redundant.

    Use all the tools available as it's bloody hard to do a DIY fix of depression.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:47

      Thanks for sharing and it shows that sometimes it's not just 1 step, it's multiples that work together to get you to a 'better' place. Good on you for stepping up.
      I agree that failure is a difficult feeling because we're taught that it's bad. You think frar of failure drives ppl but ot can also hurt you and keep you where you are or on the wrong path.

  • Some Human on 14/09/2023 - 13:33
    +2

    I just don't associate with people I don't like and life is sweet.

    • cookie2 on 14/09/2023 - 21:47

      That's perfect when it's in your control. But I agree, if someone isn't good for you then just reduce your contact with them.

  • anastasiastarz on 15/09/2023 - 02:45

    Crafternoons and reading at the park, long lunches.

    Full disclosure: I quit my last job without a plan, as I burnt out, the boss had no concept of how timelines worked, and no morals. Legal was involved against a vendor (the company was at fault but hello scapgoating and loopholes) These days I freelance. In winter I no longer spend the day gazing out at the sunshine (the office lunched downstairs, there's no where to go outside, no grass, it was construction and a car park) and left when it was dark.

  • try2bhelpful on 15/09/2023 - 13:44

    My answer is step in to help if you can without causing other people problems. As a Project Manager my team knew everyone in the room contributed and we listened to everyone’s ideas with respect. If you cut people off early it might be because you’ve lost sight of the bigger picture. I had a new designer in my team and he was incredibly shy and his English wasn’t great. However, once we coaxed him out of his shell he was the smartest person in the room. He, quickly, moved from network designer to network architect within the group.

    You need to provide people with a safe environment even if it is a cup of coffee and a chance for them to vent. You can’t fix everyone’s issues, much of the time you are a sympathetic ear to let them sort themselves out. I felt part of my job was networking between different areas. This allowed me to defuse a number of “bombs” before they went off. Be alert and engaged. Try not to escalate difficult situations.

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