The Perils of Selling on FB Marketplace

johninmelb on 26/08/2025 - 19:50
Last edited 27/08/2025 - 11:33

Given that the internet is awash with stories about people buying and selling stuff on FB Marketplace, this humourous story turned up in my FB tonight from a friend. Haven't had a good laugh for ages. I thought I would try sharing it.

EDIT - Dustin Sims is a American comedian. https://www.facebook.com/simscomedy/

Dustin Sims
7h
·
Selling shit on FB Marketplace is like volunteering for a social experiment run by meth heads.

I listed a microwave for $50. Within 12 seconds my inbox looked like I was giving away crack rocks dipped in Jesus blood. First message “Is this available?” YES, Deborah. It was available 14 seconds ago when you asked, and it’s still available now that you ghosted me like my father.

Then come the bargain hunters. “Will you take $5, a coupon for Jiffy Lube, and a handful of my ex husband’s ashes?” NO, BRENDA. I don’t want your cremation starter kit. I said fifty bucks..

And why does everyone’s pickup plan sound like an FBI sting? Them “I’ll be there at 6.” Me “Cool.” 6 o’clock hits. Nothing. 7 o’clock. “Sorry, my cousin got locked up.” BITCH, what does that have to do with my microwave?

Finally, they show up in a Prius the size of a lunchbox. Six grown adults hop out like it’s Cirque du Soleil.. trying to shove a microwave, two kids, and a pit bull into the backseat. Grandma’s smoking a Virginia Slim, the baby’s chewing on my extension cord. Whole scene looked like an episode of Intervention.

At that point I don’t even want the fucking money. Just take it. Take the microwave, take my soul, take the ghost of every bad decision that led me here.

Marketplace ain’t about selling shit. It’s a psychological test to see how far you’ll go for gas money before you set your house on fire.

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  • johninmelb on 27/08/2025 - 11:39

    The guy that wrote this is an American comedian.

    He has lots of hilarious stories on his FB page. That's wasted a couple of hours of my day, but it's good to have a laugh!

    Dustin Sims is a American comedian. https://www.facebook.com/simscomedy/

  • Stealtho on 27/08/2025 - 11:43
    +1

    One annoying thing is you delete someone from messenger but they can still message you back lol

    • Windows7forever on 29/08/2025 - 19:23

      Just block them. My block list is bigger than the Epstein files lol

  • payton on 27/08/2025 - 11:49

    Then there's the choosing beggar type, the first and only message from them :

    Pickup today at hour X, lowballed to hell (half my asking price, a quarter of RRP for a brand new item)

    • cfuse on 27/08/2025 - 12:41
      +2

      Wouldn't happen if it didn't work enough to justify it.

    • tenpercent on 27/08/2025 - 14:36

      Depending on the item, a quarter of RRP is fair. And that's more than a quarter of the actual brand new price (being a regular on Ozbargain you'll know that bargain hunters don't ever pay RRP even for brand new with ACL protections included).

      • payton on 27/08/2025 - 15:15

        Mine was already the lowest priced among other sellers and what were sold recently, dude was taking the piss.

        Lowballing might be their side hustle, cost of living crisis and all, fine … but there is a subtype among them that make a shit offer while acting like they're doing the seller a big favour.

  • LFO on 27/08/2025 - 12:24

    Dustin Sims is a American comedian

    A comedian.
    Entreating but far from factual.
    Entertainment from a comedian. !00%

  • Bid Sniper on 27/08/2025 - 12:32

    Enshitification of Ebay has gone so far that dealing with timewasters on scumbag marketplace become a fair trade.

    Sold a few things on there and buyers have been ok in the automotive sector.

    • Bid Sniper on 29/08/2025 - 13:04
      +1

      Adding to this,

      Sold item for $290 on ebay, paid to promote as had no views for a week. Sold in a few days and payout was $220 - $20 postage.

      Lowballers were offering $250 on FB.

  • R4 on 27/08/2025 - 12:37
    +5

    The one that arcs me up - you're selling something for $50 and you get an offer of $25 - cash. How else were you going to pay?

    GTF.

    I was selling some of my son's school books a few years ago. They were in good nick and I wanted $20 each. Agreed this price with a buyer. I was out in the front of my property with a fire going, burning some stuff that I'd cut down when he turned up. Indian dude and he tries 'how about $15 each?' I said to him, how about I just chuck them on my fire? He paid $20.

    • kolorijo on 27/08/2025 - 14:21
      +3

      I had a similar experience when selling an item and agreed on the $10 price, he turned up and haggled for $5. Almost lost my cool that day. My wife was watching through the window lol-ing ~ at least she was entertained.
      Afterwards, I told her what I was thinking during that time, she almost die laughing (mostly at my misery and rage).

      • rumblytangara on 28/08/2025 - 10:42
        +3

        Would have been better to just have refused to sell at all. Totally worth it to waste his entire trip for $10.

        • kolorijo on 28/08/2025 - 16:18
          +1

          In hindsight yes, but I couldn't think properly back then from the instant rage 😅

  • Excelsior on 27/08/2025 - 13:34
    +4

    Selling on FB Marketplace starter pack:

    "Is this still available?"
    "Location?"
    "Address?"
    "Will you take $X (stupid amount)?"
    "Can you deliver?"
    "Do you accept Paypal"

    • Poor Ass on 27/08/2025 - 16:43
      +7

      you forgot "what's your best price?"

      • CocaKoala on 30/08/2025 - 00:24

        Also similar item is available for $3 from another seller, so can you match it?

        • payton on 30/08/2025 - 00:37

          and deliver it to me for free, my home isn't that far and you can leave it in the mailbox, easy as. Msg me afterwards and I'll osko you the money.

  • Mad Max on 27/08/2025 - 17:09
    +1

    Yes Marketplace is a bit of a hit and miss basketcase.
    But it gets the job done to sell unwanted stuff, and it is free (even to sell cars).
    On a different note, how many people currently using Marketplace will be happy to give Facebook their full ID details or their selfies when the government imposed compulsory age verification comes up in December?
    Will Gumtree make a comeback?

    • [Deactivated] on 27/08/2025 - 17:21

      ID details - F that.

    • pufffdragon on 27/08/2025 - 17:33
      +1

      I hope Gumtree does make a comeback. But I hope they fix everything about the website. Such a horrible site to navigate around. It just feels broken everytime I go there., mobile and desktop.

    • bamzero on 27/08/2025 - 18:40

      Hmm.. I just checked and my FB account is around 18 years old. I'd say thats minimum age verification enough :D

    • Cheap Gamer on 27/08/2025 - 23:45

      eBay already require ID to sell stuff.

  • krisspy on 27/08/2025 - 18:19
    +2

    I tell people who lowball to meet up somewhere far. Then ask them for the next hour where they are an I'm waiting

  • Cam imbesi on 27/08/2025 - 18:38
    +1

    Me experience l. Selling product 200x30x10cm. Cash only pick up only from Sydney. First response… Can you deliver? Second response… will it fit in my car? Third response…. PayID ok? FFS

    • bamzero on 27/08/2025 - 18:41

      But it wasn't "Is this available?"

  • Palamedes on 27/08/2025 - 19:51
    +2

    My experience after years of selling my unwanted stuff on various sites, the more questions asked there is the less possibility they will ever buy or turn up. A good buyer has researched the item and knows the value and possible price if you have described it properly. If you have priced it well 80% of people just pay the money and 20% go for a lower price. The tire kicker moron types lead you on forever and usually never turn up or buy.

    • R4 on 27/08/2025 - 23:31
      +2

      This is so true. A few years ago, I was selling a metal detector that I had bought to find a buried pipe on my property - I used it once and have no interest in detecting. I advertised it for $600, which was a very good price. An avalanche of bullshit fell on me from all the dipshits of Perth with their ridiculous offers, nonsense questions and requests etc. I was on the verge of taking the ad down when a guy contacted me and offered me $550 and he'd be there that morning to collect it. Lo and behold, he turned up an hour later. I spent 10 minutes going over it with him, he gave me $550 in cash and was gone. He was into the hobby and knew he was getting a bargain and I got a good price. These instances are rare though.

      • ihbh on 29/08/2025 - 10:32
        +1

        This is known as a qualified buyer. If you can get past the occasional crap/waste of time (with experience, this will be very little), and find qualified buyers, it's quick and seamless.

  • Brianqpr on 27/08/2025 - 20:39
    +1

    Death to anyone that asks "Last Price?"

    That said, I've sold heaps of stuff on there. You just have to wade through some crap to get a genuine buyer.

  • dlakers3peat on 27/08/2025 - 20:42

    This story will make think twice before selling on fb marketplace.
    https://x.com/7NewsBrisbane/status/1960641585349271863

    • fredk1000 on 28/08/2025 - 21:41
      +1

      Not very nice. World has become real bad after COVID.

  • Dack Smith on 27/08/2025 - 20:43
    +1

    Selling or buying on FB marketplace is like fishing at the bottom of a sewer.

    You’ll get mostly floaters and scum.

  • Cheap Gamer on 27/08/2025 - 23:41

    Gumtree is hopeless unless you give away crap. Please don't feed the buzzards!

  • H3R34TH4C0MM3NTS on 28/08/2025 - 03:32
    +1

    I make it clear on FB , that people do their research to see if the price I am offering represents good value, as soon as I get a low ball offer I just block immediately. Its a good way to filter out your market of time wasters.It only the Real Estate industry operated in this way

    • blackwind on 28/08/2025 - 10:40
      +1

      before that i normally put: enjoy yourself in my block list :D

  • tanguyen on 28/08/2025 - 10:46
    +1

    I used to take it really personally the messaging etiquette eg. "can you deliver this to me now" "can you do it for $___?" but at the end of the day, it's just pixels on a screen formed by a stranger that at the moment, does not exist in your life.

    I probably get more annoyed about people annoyed by marketplace who do the highly original "ok i'll meet you at 122 Lang Rd, Moore Park NSW 2021/231 Bourke St, Melbourne" "wait that's the Comedy Store/Comedy Republic" "YES BECAUSE YOU ARE CLOWN YOU ARE A JOKE I CANT WAIT TO POST THIS SCREENSHOT TO MY FRIENDS".

    I get most annoyed that I'm really into plants, but when I search "anthurium", there are absolutely zero results, but "anthurium plant" then gets a normal search result listing. I have no idea what the algorithm is doing.

  • IpGem on 28/08/2025 - 11:02
    +1

    Recently listed a couple of spares to be picked up for FREE, this toolkit messages- would you take $70?

    Literalky depositing the cash as I type..

  • bhubb18 on 28/08/2025 - 11:50

    I don't reply to half the messages haha.

    If someone acts for my location, when I put the suburb every single time I just ignore them.

    I usually reply to whoever messages me first, and tell the others thats someone is first in line, but unless its a single day, I don't hold anything for anyone.

    I normally can take some lowballs, but depends on what it is. I used to buy and sell car wheels, and negotiating is pretty standard on that within reason. Cheap stuff, usually not.

  • JayParker on 28/08/2025 - 14:09
    +2

    An Australian comedian Lou Wall performed a musical about her Marketolace experience at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival It's hilatious!

    Where Is Bed: Lou Wall's Facebook Marketplace musical

  • fredk1000 on 28/08/2025 - 21:46
    +2

    Here in the news today
    https://www.9news.com.au/videos/national/thief-posing-as-mar…

    I feel sorry for this guy, he should not be so trusting of people. Seems like a nice car, it's not good to have a nice car when other owners of the same model car are poop heads, they will use your car as a parts car.

  • jefflang007 on 29/08/2025 - 06:07

    When the just say, “location” I reply with the current place I am, “I’m in the toilet”, “I’m at work”, “Aisle three, health foods and baking needs”.

  • Stealtho on 29/08/2025 - 07:42

    Sold a $45k car for cash last year, yesterday bought a M4 MBA.

    • ihbh on 29/08/2025 - 10:28

      Sold a $45k car for cash last year

      Did you do it inside a bank and deposited it right away?

      • Stealtho on 29/08/2025 - 13:25

        No at my dining room table all in 50’s, took awhile lol Took it to dealer and bought a new one.

  • Raj09 on 30/08/2025 - 06:25

    I have positive and negative experiences but the positive ones outweigh. I managed to sell a few things and forgot the crackheads

  • wozz on 30/08/2025 - 07:36
    -3

    Tried a sybian? There are ones with remotes, good for those days you wanna sleep in if she's being demanding

  • Rich73 on 30/08/2025 - 11:11

    And I thought Gum-tree was bad. FB-MP; 'hold my beer'

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