Can She Take Half of My Assets?

  • I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and we are both in out late twenties.
  • She does not currently have any savings or assets as she is a poor student but she contributes financially where she can and is actively looking for work.
  • We currently live together and pay rent
  • I am currently working full time and own my house(which is solely in my name) which is currently being tenanted out, but we would like to move into it together within the next 6 months
  • There is a small mortgage on the house but majority of it has been paid off by myself - through scrimping, saving and hard work
  • We do plan on getting married and having children eventually down the track
  • She is a beautiful humble woman and not some gold digging money lover

What are the implications if we were to break up our relationship or things didn't work out down the track?

Can she potentially take half of the house even if we aren't married?

The reason I ask is because I have worked hard for everything and although I trust her and love her, I've heard horror stories of guys losing the lot because of bad relationships and poor financial/legal advice. Even as per the last point, people can change over time and I don't want to get screwed over. I wouldn't bother asking but she is not bringing anything to the table, financially speaking, so I guess I need some re-assurance.

Comments

        • +1

          @nikey2k27:

          Married?

          Nevar!

          Marriage is theft! Everyone belongs to everyone else.

        • +1

          @Scrooge McDuck: man, when I see your name… My mind just smiles and goes ##Life is like a hurricane, something something duckberg, racecars lasers aeroplanes, it's a duck blur, might solve a mystery, or rewrite history…###

        • @Newplace: How would you quantify love? It is not universal, it is a compromise. Neither party should feel exploited in love. It is a balance between your happiness and the happiness of your "loved" one.
          Does love entitle the other party to anything? It should be all about consent right?

        • +2

          @lolbbq:I feel like your questions are so deep. its trying to rationalise something that is irrational. it has many components: friendship, companionship, dependence, being depended on, trust, happiness, pain, compromise, not compromising, fighting, making up, unity, family, friends, just the two of you, shared experiences, laughter, tears, working together, lust, being together, being apart.

          But what is love?

          Baby don't hurt me

  • +28

    Perhaps you just need to hear a few stories where it's worked out gloriously to counter all the negativity ;)

    My fiance and I have been together for over 12 years, even though I've always earned more I was still happy to open up a joint bank account after a few years in, because I felt (and still do feel) like I'd found the right one. As it turns out, she hasn't left me destitute as some blokes will have you believe, in actual fact I think the trust has strengthened our relationship.

    Ask yourself this - would she stand by you if you had absolutely nothing at all? If the answer to that question is yes then I wouldn't give it much more thought.

    • I'm glad to hear that things have worked out well for you and your misses.
      I don't like the idea of a joint bank account as there is too much free reign and I need to keep control of expenditures.
      Yes, she would. I actually didn't tell her about my assets and money until about a year into the relationship.
      I guess I'm too distrustful and cynical of people and that's a problem of mine I need to overcome.
      Don't get me wrong, I'm not loaded, far from it, I just would hate to lose a nest egg that I have worked hard to build up.

      • +42

        "there is too much free reign and I need to keep control of expenditures"
        "Letting someone live with me in my house is a privilege"
        "she is not bringing anything to the table"

        Are you looking for a wife or a maid? Everything in lift comes with some risk… I think you should review these three quotes and force yourself to take the opposite view. I think you'll find life is a little more enjoyable and that your relationship with your missus will be so much better than it is today.

        However my money is on you delivering option B: Mod: Personal attack removed

        • +8

          Are you looking for a wife or a maid?

          Good point,

          a maid is much cheaper and probably does a better job!

        • You're right, he should be forced to give away half his assets to someone that didn't earn them just because of no reason whatsoever.

        • @Scrooge McDuck: A maid can't do certain things in the bedroom though.

        • +4

          @Deridas:

          You'd be surprised!

        • @Scrooge McDuck: Those ones that surprise generally cost a lot more down the road… :O

        • +1

          @Deridas:

          Not if you don't have a wife.

        • +1

          @Deridas:

          They do it better

        • +6

          @MrMcHairyHead: No one is forcing him to do anything?

          Last time I checked he appeared to be in a financially fortunate position (compared to the woman he loves) and he appears to not want her to share in this.

          I think it is a bit sad he is thinking in such materialistic ways- I would be thinking how fortunate I am to have met such an amazing woman who wants to dedicate the ONE life she has to being with me.

          Not, she might take my telly in 5 years time.

      • I shared something to Gronk, see here and enjoy
        https://www.ozbargain.com.au/comment/4222419/redir

    • +8

      What about his, 3 years together, she worked only 1 of out those 3, and her earning were not even close to mine, probably will be so the rest of her live (Im not a big shot or anything, just a tad above the national average)
      We got a house together, relationship was a bit down at the time, but I stayed put and tried my earnest to keep it going,
      one day she got stressed and proceed to shove the muffin I was eating down my throat choking me, all because I wanted to finish it before doing whatever she wanted me to do, called it quits right there.
      She kept the house (not much was paid for thought) all the home contents, in which easily %75 was paid for me, the rest being her family hand me downs,
      I only kept my immediate personal belongings, half the savings at hand (about 2k), my car, a board game she bought but I mixed my cards with and couldn't be bothered to un-mix, and a tv surround system, and even on those two things she was bitching about it like I was stealing them.
      She kept everything else.
      Then I was looking a place to rent out and when i made clear that there was no way to get back, she went and started to look for hook ups/the next guy,
      I managed to leave but still had to see her as we had other pendings (taking my stuff up, returning some of her, etc)
      Without me supporting her, again she got stressed and threatened me to take me to court for alimony to preserve her life style/expectations,
      after that I noped the (profanity) out and cut all communications.

      Now Im still a bit under financially under, but what bothers me is all 3 years worth of time and effort down the drain, god know how much time it will take me to recover
      all because she felt entitled it to, and she is a woman,
      but yay for feminism and equality, right?

      • +9

        Thanks for linking me to your response. I just want to point though out it's nothing to do with feminism - as a gay male the same process would be afforded to me.

        Evidently this is a really emotional topic for all and I don't want to detract from your hurt - I'm really sorry for what's happened to you.

        I still fundamentally disagree so haven't really got any more to add that would further the conversation..

        • +1

          As Gay male to i had one my ex try this shit on me i show him the door my house and my stuff in my name take what your in your name and go.

        • +1

          thanks, I'm still bit salty, but mostly I'm over it
          c'est la vie I guess
          hope that never happens to you or anybody else, gay or straight, man or woman, cheers!

      • +1

        did you talk to lawer sound like you got screw over.

      • +2

        I'm sorry to read this. This is the worst possible case scenario every man fears.
        Did you not see any early warning signs or red flags?

        • yes, plenty of red flags in hindsight, but I try not to judge people and still assume the best of htem, so I doubled down,
          my bad I know, I fully take responsibility of this mistake

        • +5

          There are a few really good indicators that can help you understand:

          1. How does she get on with your friends and family? Think of them as an extension of yourself.

          2. Say if you had an argument with your dad (or mum, best friend etc). Does she take your side? But then also tried to make you see their view to mend the relationship rather than as fuel to a fire?

          3. Or if you didn't agree with her friend, dad or mum. if you were completely in the wrong. Did she make you understand and mend? Or did she take one side over another.

          By the same 3 measures, how have you been to her?

          By your description, it sounds like she's a good one. you need to decide which way to go and whether to go all in. Otherwise, prenups, separate bank accounts, doubts may create a small wedge that might grow.

          Whatever you do, do it with conviction.

        • @Newplace:

          In another words, be aware of any relationsip that isolate you with your friend's and family.

        • +5

          "Every man fears?" Just you mostly, I think. Just as you scrimped and saved and worked to get your house and nearly pay it off - it took a whole lot of hard work, going without, compromising, not losing sight of the big picture or the goal and being motivated even when at times you could've thrown the towel in…. So too is a relationship. Nothing in life that's worth doing is easy! You have to work at it and don't expect to fail. So if you're not prepared to work as hard for the relationship as you obviously are to get and keep a house - that really at the end of the day just gives you shelter and yes sits on the bottom rung of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. The you may as well put your efforts into getting another house.

          If you're already wondering about if you can see any read flags in your relationship - cause you are raising it with others so that you can check if yours is showing similar - then you're not focused on making this one work and expecting it for the long haul. People who think what's mine is mine and not ours and with such imbalance - will eventually be flung shitty lessons by the universe.

          So I would suggest that as you don't appear to be committed to your gf - then you should be looking for a woman who matches your perception of equal - that is, she too owns a house and worked her guts out to get it. Or hopefully your current gf can somehow get some cashflow happening - doing any sort of work - so that she can work her arse off and get her own place and then she'll be on your level. Then you could visit her at her place and she might come to realise that she doesn't need someone like you after all.

        • +2

          @goodcopbadcop:

          Then you could visit her at her place and she might come to realise that she doesn't need someone like you after all.

          That would indicate that she only needed him for his finances and/or accommodation.

          In that case he'd be better off with someone else!

        • @itbargainhunter: to some degree the more time we spend with someone special is time not spent with others.

          I remember when my mates ribbed me for being under the thumb!

          The relationship bubble always had that effect in the beginning.

          But does it make a moment outside of that bubble to get some perspective to how are treating your partner's nearest and dearest and vice versa.

      • Sorry to hear that, I know it sucks. Mine left after 9 years, never contributed a cent and is now entitled to enough to send me bankrupt. It's just the way it is unfortunately. At least I have the kids, that has helped enormously in getting over the separation.

      • Feel sorry for you, but on the same note, you have the rest of your life to enjoy. And importantly more peacefully. Sometimes, the decision we make are dependent on time and situation. I read somewhere " The marriage costed $10,000 and the divorce costed $50,000. Bother were wort it".

    • Gronk; I was ripped by my ex wife…Now 11 years later, I have been with the most amazing woman for the last 4 years & YES, she would stand by me if I had nothing at all because that's what I had when we first met

    • Same been marry for decades, I earned most of the money and investment return but we have joint account for everything
      whatever she makes or I make get throw into the joint account doesn't matter who earn more

      I then put the capital to work and generate the returns.
      she has free reign to spend on whatever she likes, from grocery to fashions to eat out with her friends,
      but she is good and knows the limit and don't go crazy.

      we never argue about money, she can buy what she wants on the credit card I give her, I get what I want
      I settle all outstanding bill credit card bill every month.

      Finance wise I am the main person, I manage and make all investment decision and settle bills and make sure
      we have enough for current spending and future years spending and maybe help the kids with a house or two down the road.

      she just swipe the credit card and whatever she earns goes into the joint account and I put it to work.

  • +3

    Don't listen to anyone who is not a lawyer. Even if they have gone through a divorce/relationship breakdown before. This does not qualify them to give advice.

    You need to be more specific to get the advice you need. Relevant sort of questions are: when did you buy the house? how did you fund it? What point in time are you breaking up (hypothetically). Right now, if you were to break up given what you have said and making a few assumptions, she may well have a claim to some of your property but unlikely to be half.

    • +28

      I am a qualified e-lawyer so I know what I'm talking about!

      • +15

        Ditto, 10 years at the bar.

        *burp*

    • 9 out of 10 lawyers would be going by what they learnt before becoming qualified.

      The remaining one will tell you pretty much what you have said - that assets brought into the relationship will get dissolved into it with time, losing their origin. Kids and earning potential of each will be taken into consideration, as will contributions by each to the relationship - not just the bank account.

    • +1

      but this is an internet forum, and it's where OP has come for advice

    • I'm sorry but obviously you haven't lived in the real world before…
      It can happen both ways…Either the man ripping the woman off or the woman ripping the man off.

      She is entitled to half if she has contributed to their relationship, house, etc…

      • Perhaps it wasn't clear enough. I meant if they broke up right now, she wouldn't be entitled to half.

  • +3

    What you want is called a Binding Financial Agreement.

    To quote somebody on Whirlpool:

    Should cost about $1k for a decent lawyer to draw one up for you, then get it "sealed" by the courts.

    Basically, a BFA states that what is in your name is yours, and what is purchased by funds from an account solely in your name is also yours, and same for her. You can also list of any assets you have at the time of the drawing of the BFA and stipulate ownership at that time. Anything purchased from a joint account is 50-50 joint property (even if one of you contributes 90% to that account and the other only 10%), unless stipulated otherwise in the BFA.

    BFA's can also be revised annually, and updated with any changes that may have occurred over that time. This is good for assets which may have been purchased from a joint bank account, or if you gave a gift or something.

    BFA's also protect each of you from future events – say, if you do split up, you take your stuff and she takes hers. If you then marry someone else and put a BFA in place then your ex cannot get her hands on any future joint assets.

    Hope this helps. Seek legal advice – it is very unwise to draw a BFA by yourself, as court orders can be "un-done" if it's not watertight. It'll be $1k of money well spent.

    Anyway, I think it's probably still too early to talk about BFA's in your current relationship. Buuut eventually down the road you might want to have a sit down and chat to her properly about it (or don't) and the two of you should seek legal advice from a lawyer independently to sort things out.

    • +3

      Basically, a BFA states that what is in your name is yours, and what is purchased by funds from an account solely in your name is also yours, and same for her.

      That should be the default setting for every relationship.

  • +15

    People seem to get offended by the concept of prenups these days. i am a female and i told my bf that i want to have a prenup drawn out, and he was offended! Shouldnt it be the other way around. i just told him i was being realistic and to suck it up :)

    • +3

      People seem to get offended by the concept of prenups these days

      I think some always have, some always will. On one hand there is 'being realistic'/practical and on the other there is a sense of romance/optimism and 'til death to us part'.

    • +4

      good example. way to go girl. be independent in every way, boy and girl are the same human being no need to get anything from other people.

    • +1

      Money is a taboo subject.

    • +1

      Do you own a lot more that him?
      If your asset wealth is fairly equal then I don't see the need to get a pre-nup.
      So it's not only "rich" people that get pre-nups then?
      However you look at it there is undoubtedly a negative stigma associated with them.

    • +3

      i'm single but if i was in a relationship i would want a prenup just because i could not imagine anything worse than going through a long drawn out divorce battle in court and watching the bloodsucking lawyers devouring all your assets then tossing the scraps to whoever "wins" the case

    • +1

      People seem to get offended by the concept of prenups these days. i am a female and i told my bf that i want to have a prenup drawn out, and he was offended! Shouldnt it be the other way around. i just told him i was being realistic and to suck it up :)

      On one hand people may deride a prenup as a lack of faith in a relationship.

      But on the other they could revere it as a testament of good faith by the less wealthy individual.

      Unfortunately, more people choose the negative interpretation.

  • +1

    Short answer: Yes, prenups don't do too much, just make sure she is no gold digger.

  • +2

    You are thinking about what will happen if your relationship turn sour even before you start one.

    Are you sure you want a relationship and marriage? the marriage may not survive if you value money over it.
    Well that's my thoughts.
    Its up to you to decide which one you want? Marriage or money?

    • +7

      i think it's a reasonably consideration given almost 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce.

      • +2

        Actually 2/3 marriages in Australia make it til death of a partner. Think of the people you went to high school with - most will marry, and most of them for life. Given how easy divorce is, I think this is amazing and positive. Furthermore, more of these marriages will be happy compared with the olden days too.

        • +1

          Think of the people you went to high school with - most will marry, and most of them for life.

          Furthermore, more of these marriages will be happy compared with the olden days too.

          How do you know these?

          What are the trends?

          What are your sources?

        • @Scrooge McDuck:
          Hi there - I don't know why you didn't look this up yourself - or ask more politely if you want someone to do it for you. But here you are:

          2/3 make it. From http://www.mccrindle.com.au/blog/MarriagesinAustralia_MediaR… (who used ABS stats for their report.)

          Trends: Pretty flat, but divorces are slowing.

          Last point - that marriages will be happier. This is what I think. Previously women could be locked into a marriage - divorce was socially unacceptable, and they were locked out of the work force (socially, but also with education). I would think that as divorce is now socially acceptable, as women are more educated and can support themselves, and as some many men claim here that they can make a quick buck by divorcing, I would imagine that divorce would be a path people in unhappy marriages would be more likely to take. Leaving more happy marriages I hope.

        • @mowersfourpeter:

          I don't know why you didn't look this up yourself - or ask more politely if you want someone to do it for you.

          Because they were your claims. If you make statistical claims, be prepared to back them up with sources.

          Last point - that marriages will be happier. This is what I think.

          Right.

          Your own source mentions that marriages are declining.

        • @mowersfourpeter:

          An assumption that maybe 1/2 of those 2/3rds aren't necessarily happy doesn't seem too much of a stretch. So although still married, have they actually "made it"?

    • +1

      yeah no one can know what will happen in the next second.

  • +12

    Get out now while you still can, don't get married it's a trap and if for some reason you do then definitely don't have kids then you really will be trapped.

    *source-I'm a happily married man with 3 kids.

    • +2

      I understand the sarcasm.
      You're right. I don't want to miss the joys of life and having a family etc because I'm too scared about losing money or worried about "getting screwed over".

  • so is there an actual problem?

    or are you just paranoid?

    • +16

      Can you blame him for wanting to protect the assets he's worked hard for years to earn?

    • +4

      No problem, yet. Life is great.
      Yes, I'm paranoid.

      • +2

        Personal question (such is this thread anyway), but are your parents married?

        • Good question :)

        • +1

          Yes, for over 30 years. They fight and bicker daily though haha. I think it's morphed into one of those "can't live with you, can't live without you" arrangements.

      • +6

        Don't second guess yourself because of all the "don't be paranoid" stuff. You're absolutley right to be concerned. Most relationships end so being prepared for the worse is a fair. The defacto law freaks me out too. I think you have to be living together for 2 years for it to take place but don't quote me on that. Hopefully the law is fair and they look at each case differently if it comes to it. Anyways hope it all goes well though :).

      • Honesty…That's what we like to hear…Thank you

  • +2

    There are a lot of risks in deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone but some nice positives as well, which is why people do it

    • +2

      Companionship and life partner is definitely enriching. You can't put a price on that.

      • +1

        Yet you're trying to

        • +10

          You're like a cockroach in this thread. Just go.

        • -4

          @wolfenator87: Hahaha no - as others have said - recite OP to girlfriend - post results.

    • There are a lot of risks in deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone but some nice positives as well, which is why people do it

      …less now than ever before.

  • +5

    It's not as straightforward as some here claim.

    It all depends on what you have both contributed during the relationship. If your partner has not made any contribution to your property then highly likely she will not get any of it. If you both move in and she helps with payments then this will change but it doesn't automatically mean she gets 50%.

    • +1

      Thanks for the clarification. That sounds like a rational and sensible answer. Unfortunately I don't understand the myriad complexity of the legal system and there are so many variables to consider.

      I'm expecting to pay it off entirely myself and don't expect a direct financial contribution from her.

      • +5

        contributions do not have to be financial.

        non-financial contributions (homemaker duties, house improvements) are considered and can be equal or greater than direct financial contributions… although they are more relevant for longer relationships and relationships with kids.

      • Unfortunately I don't understand the myriad complexity of the legal system and there are so many variables to consider.

        The only certainty is that the lawyers will come out ahead.

    • If you move into together & she doesn't work or contribute 1 cent but she cooks & cleans occasionally - Then she is contributing to the relationship & therefore she is entitled…
      Works the same way if the woman is working & the man stays at home…

  • There is a lot at stake here, so see a lawyer.

    I used to be one of those a couple of decades ago, but would still see a lawyer if I was in your shoes now.

    Plenty offer a free first consultation.

  • Will it be your home, or 'our' home?

    If it's your home, and she'll just be living there with you, Get a pre-nup.
    If you class the home as our home, then you should do what you both feel comfortable with.

    You may just need to talk to her, and tell her that you want to move in together, get a pre-nup, and make the big leap in your relationship. You need to emphasise that it's a romantic gesture that you want to move in and start your long life together.

    TL;DR: subtle mention of pre-nup, followed by a romantic gesture of life long dreams.

    • +2

      She would hate that idea and definitely feel offended but I think once the emotions wear off she would be accepting of the idea.
      It is the most financially prudent thing to do, from my perspective.
      It's a subject you'd have to broach carefully and subtly because it has the potential to backfire.

      • +1

        She would hate that idea and definitely feel offended but I think once the emotions wear off she would be accepting of the idea.

        You could just find an emotionally mature girlfriend,

        or a boyfriend.

        • FYI. It's not a pre-nup for defacto relationships and I honestly can't remember the legal name for them.
          My financial adviser recommended I get one (from a lawyer) before my partner moved in.

          I didn't end up taking his advice, but if I owned a house (or most of a house), I probably would have.

          EDIT: It's a co-habitation agreement. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cohabitation_agreement

      • And where would that leave you? Alone but with a house!!

  • +1

    down the track if she ends up with a better paying job, more assets than you and asks you to sign a pre-nup how would that make you feel?

    • +9

      No problems. I'd do it in a heartbeat to secure her wealth.

      • +2

        then you have no reason to feel selfish for protecting your own assets then

  • +1
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