What It Feels Like Being a Parent?

Ti94 on 06/10/2020 - 22:32

I only have a few minutes of "Me Time" here so will make it quick, wife is waiting to go sleep. I'm mid 20s, about to become a dad for the first time. Bub is set to due very soon, this week even! As the date gets closer it is getting more real and I keep wondering what it really feels like being a parent? I know I read all the books and resources I can but just want some real and raw experiences from parents in our lovely Ozbargain community.

Thanks all for helping an expectant dad out and be true and creative if you want! :)

Toys & Kids

Comments

  • oscargamer on 06/10/2020 - 22:43
    +18

    You'll find out soon enough. Would hate to spoil the surprise. Sleep/rest while you can.

  • contrafibularities on 06/10/2020 - 22:47
    +2

    The birth and first couple weeks are amazing like being in a dream. The baby usually is content and sleeps ok then and even when it cries it still hasn’t got much of loud voice. Document this time with a journal of some sort because you will need to look back on it to get through the sleep deprivation, the crying etc of the next few years.
    Of course everyones experience is different You may a great sleeper. I have 3 kids and they were all bad sleepers, but we’re through that now and it’s all good.

  • Daabido on 06/10/2020 - 22:50
    +6

    Congratulations.

    You can kiss sleeping in goodbye for about 5 years, unless you have more than one, then add on 5 years on top of the last one. You soon realise there is a 4 and 5 o'clock in the morning.

    If only everyone could be as relaxed with their first child as they are with subsequent children, it would be a nicer experience.

    No matter how well prepared you are, most people will ask "Why didn't someone tell me what it was like to have children?"

    https://youtu.be/uFQfylQ2Jgg
    https://youtu.be/0Qrn8dla424

    Again, congratulations. It's the best thing you can do.

    • Chandler on 07/10/2020 - 11:05

      If only everyone could be as relaxed with their first child as they are with subsequent children, it would be a nicer experience.

      This.

  • SF3 on 06/10/2020 - 22:51
    +2

    Get as much sleep you can now, once your baby arrives, you’ll miss sleep more than OzB!

    Books, urm… theory vs reality… too many scenarios, you won’t have time to try/think, but you’ll figure things out and improvise… google is your friend and reading forums on similar scenarios when you deal with things your book didn’t cover…

    TLDR, sounds like you are a keen dad try to be prepared, enjoy the time, it’ll be tough at first, but you should enjoy it 😄.

    Boy or Girl?

    • Ti94 on 06/10/2020 - 23:02
      +1

      Thanks. We know the sex but would like to keep it as private if that’s ok :)

  • GordonR on 06/10/2020 - 22:51
    +4

    You have cute photos of junior in your wallet where your money used to be…

    • SF3 on 06/10/2020 - 22:53

      That’s why we have smartphones now. 🥰

      • netjock on 07/10/2020 - 11:07

        You can afford a smart phone? You must be doing pretty well.

    • dust on 07/10/2020 - 08:15

      Yep! Household income halves and expenses increase!

  • [Deactivated] on 06/10/2020 - 22:52

    I only have a few minutes of "Me Time"…

    It's nice to you to think of us with your very limited and precious "me time". ;)

    …even more impressive you managed to type all that during… "Me time".

    • Ti94 on 06/10/2020 - 22:58

      I’m a fast typer ;)

      • [Deactivated] on 06/10/2020 - 23:09
        +2

        It's not going to be more or less difficulty in your life. It is just another phase like moving out, getting a job, etc.

        You'll lose a few weeks of sleep perhaps more than previous big changes but it's manageable. Billions of people have done it before you have.

        As long as you're there, never hit your wife, don't diddle your kid and put bread on the table, you would have already done better than most dads.

        You're going to be attending a lot of OBGYN "conferences" with other delivery room certified specialist to share all the knowledge you've acquired through watching someone push out 6-8lbs over several hours. I tend to walk away from them as they aren't followed by drug company sponsored open bar.

  • Ti94 on 06/10/2020 - 22:57

    Thanks everyone. It is hilarious reading all the comments making me more excited and nervous at the same time haha. Finger cross everything goes well with the delivery. Only when you have a baby coming you realise all you want in the world is for the baby and the mother being safe and sound through the delivery :)

    • SF3 on 06/10/2020 - 22:59
      +1

      No OW price beat or refunds on this one 😉, but one and only deal exclusively for you both.

  • SF3 on 06/10/2020 - 22:57

    Oh yeah, OzB time becomes search for deals on Nappies, Wipes, Formula (if you plan to feed this way).

    Make sure you free up space on your phone for photos and videos.

    • Ti94 on 06/10/2020 - 23:00

      Already been doing that during pregnancy haha. Only now appreciate the extra $$ I paid for a 256gb phone :)

      • SF3 on 06/10/2020 - 23:03

        You planned ahead ;). Make sure you sort your photos and videos regularly, otherwise it’ll become a huge pain to sort “later” 😬

      • John Kimble on 07/10/2020 - 08:02

        Suggest backing up to the cloud or something, you don't want to lose all your photos and videos if you lose/kill your phone.

  • onetwothreefour on 06/10/2020 - 23:06
    +1

    What It Feels Like Being a Parent?

    Amazing. Enjoy it.

    Congratulations!

  • dylanando on 06/10/2020 - 23:20
    +2

    Had my first and only kid year ago at 23, hell of a ride, cried a lot for about 3 months with wind issues and sorts and I’ve never felt so ‘shit’ in my life. But it’s all worth it when their faces light up as they see you and all they want is a hug.

    I still don’t believe I’m ‘dad’ but instead just a 24/7 friend that doesn’t leave my side.

    Plus you get more cranky

  • dahax77 on 06/10/2020 - 23:21

    Congrats mate - my partner is due in a few weeks with our first too. I'm a mix of nerves and excitement but luckily I have the first 3.5 months off work to help adapt to the new life! A few of my close friends have told me it's genuinely the best thing that has ever happened to them so I try to focus on that and block out some of the more negative comments/realities. I wish you both all the best for the birth.

  • arkie0 on 06/10/2020 - 23:42
    +1

    The kids annoy the crap out of you from day 1.
    They start by keeping you up for the first year or 2 then you spend the next 18 years telling them to go to sleep on time.
    You spend the next year teaching them how to talk then the next 18 to be quiet.
    Can't shower or go toilet by yourself for the first couple of years, then they hog the shower/toilet when you need to go.
    Constantly need to remind them not to do stupid stuff, but they do anyway.
    Constantly remind them to clean up but end up cleaning up after them anyway.

    If your parents are around and you haven't seen them for a while go visit because I'm sure they miss you.

    Take a lot of videos so you can show them how silly they were when they were little.

  • Dlw on 06/10/2020 - 23:51
    +2

    It is the best thing I’ve ever experienced.

    I have a 12mo. We had a tough journey with several complications and the lack of sleep felt like torture. But you eventually start to get more sleep.

  • Almost Banned on 07/10/2020 - 00:10
    +3

    Your life will be forever changed.
    You will experience emotions, and a depth of emotion, you have never felt before.
    They will drive you crazy, and yet you will love them like you cannot even imagine.
    Its a wild ride - good luck.

  • DemocracyManifest on 07/10/2020 - 00:11
    +2

    Expensive

  • Thiefsie on 07/10/2020 - 01:42
    +11

    Suddenly you feel empathic and sympathetic of children in peril which I never really felt before.
    Try to lose your inhibitions about playing/talking singing with your kids, especially applies in public.
    The amount of parents (particularly dads) who for example just mill around the playground hands in pockets rather than actually playing with their kids is enlightening.

    You realise how much free time you had before.
    After child number two you again realise how much free time you had before with one!
    Literally prepare for virtually no 'me time'.

    You are a lot more cranky and have to look after your partner and work as a team a lot more.
    Tension will run high a lot, and you have to tolerate it and manage to pull through.

    If your relatives aren't helpful, don't be afraid to tell them where to go or how they can 'actually' help.
    What your parents knew about parenting is largely irrelevant these days, yet they will still insist they know best as they've done it before. Be prepared!

    Kids are hilarious, stressful, infurating but godamn gloriously beautiful - they will force you to reassess your lifestyle.

    When they develop beyond a completely dependent blob, to a completely dependent character that can actually interact and has personality it's a magical time. (about 9-11 months in my experience). It only grows from there.
    Up until that point they are more in tune with the mother, especially if breast feeding.
    Make sure you get some of your own time with them without mummy.

    Spend time with them. Talk to them. Read to them. Treat them more worldly and mature than you may have expected. Try not to be too angry with them when they play up. Let them explore and get dirty. They are not as delicate as you might expect (but they are still delicate).

    Temper your own behaviour - their development will transform you into a better person.

    Don't heavily weigh upon your negative personality traits which they appear to inherit.

    Take a lot of photos and videos, journal important moments if you can. This will be valuable later. This stuff is cheap/easy to do with tech now. Back it up!
    That being said keep your head out of your phone in front of them as much as you can. Be with them, rather than trying to record everything.

    They are not expensive until daycare/schooling is required.

    Don't let them sleep in your room from day dot (ever) - this will make things a million times easier, but is contrary to most medical advice.

    Breastfeeding is not the be all and end all. If mummy doesn't, can't, won't - who gives a shit?
    The pressure that the medics place on mothers in this regard is abhorrent and massively guilt inducing.
    You can demand formula from birth - but you have to be insistent to the midwives/nurses/doctors to get it happening. Beware mastitis…!

    Get the delivery team to take photos for you, or do it yourself if you can. It's a once in a literal lifetime opportunity.

    Strap in, it's wild and incomparable.

    All the best for you and your partner!

    • Quantumcat on 07/10/2020 - 22:08

      Don't let them sleep in your room from day dot

      This is bad advice. Sleeping in the same room as a parent for the first few months of life is shown to reduce risk of SIDS.

      • SF3 on 07/10/2020 - 23:33
        +1

        Good point - I didn’t know.

        I think for OP, the more you read, the more confusing it gets as information starts to contradict. When “everyone” casting their own experiences and remedies.

        One thing is for certain humans didn’t survive this long by following fixed rules, we improvise, try again and do what works. General guidelines are helpful, particularly on things that has worked for generations, but they are guidelines nonetheless.

        • shakoo on 08/10/2020 - 16:19
          +1

          that and the plain fact that everyone (baby) is different :-)

  • p1 ama on 07/10/2020 - 02:05
    +3

    I'll give a take that not many others have. It made me much more sympathetic towards my own parents.

    I understood many of the things that my parents did for me which I didn't understand before I had my own kids. I won't explain more because I don't want to take away the feeling, but if you've ever felt misunderstood by your own parents or if there ever was a time where you didn't understand why you parents did certain things even though you disagreed, I think you will after you have your own kids.

  • twww on 07/10/2020 - 04:51
    +3

    What's it feel like?

    A never ending losing battle!

    Every f@#$ing day is a negotiation and test in patience.

    At the end of the day I'm spent.

    I'd be lucky if I could sit down for an hr and do my own thing…whatever that is…I have no hobbies anymore… it's just surviving the day without the two trying to kill each other…

    Cherish the time when they are less mobile, can't speak or think for themselves. After that thing's get a whole lot interesting!

    I got two kids: 6,3.

    Wouldn't change it though:)

  • Danstar on 07/10/2020 - 06:42
    +1

    You'll be fine.

    There'll be hard days, but in the end knowing you're raising a part of you won't make it feel like hard work after all is said and one.

    :)

    I read the last comment and thought I'd add a little more.

    By 27 I was a single parent of 2 kids aged 5 and 3. My kids are now aged 12 and 10, and I get a lot of time for myself as the kids do their own thing majority of the evening.

    Time will be your biggest issue. Especially in the first few years. (As you won't have much of it )

  • crashloaded on 07/10/2020 - 07:17

    All I can say is both my partner and I are shift workers and that has proved to be highly beneficial with a new born 😂

    The other thing is you'll wonder where the days go. You'll wake up then it'll be 4-5pm and you're preparing for bed again.

  • John Kimble on 07/10/2020 - 08:09
    +2

    Congratulations and all the best for the birth and beyond.

    I echo the other comments, it's the most tired few years I've ever been. Take lots of photos and videos, because they grow so fast in the first few years.

    We will be here if you have any other questions or just need to vent. 😂

    Lastly, it's a few years away for you, but I recommend watching that documentary on TV about raising kids; it's called "Bluey"?

  • FoxJump on 07/10/2020 - 08:27
    +1

    One of the twins is finally sleeping through the night regularly. 13 months after he was born.

    The other once or twice only

    I am very grateful

  • Willco88 on 07/10/2020 - 08:31

    It is a big responsibility but your life will change, everything you do will be for your child, you may be over protective but it's better to be safe than sorry.

    You will look at their smiles and the world will feel better.

    You will feel proud of what you have made and everyday will be like a new day.

    Just watch as the child grows and learns and gains their own personality, do not be too strict, give the child room to grow and become their own person.

    Be open and honest with your communication, they will look at you like your are superman :)

  • Austaurean on 07/10/2020 - 08:33

    While its has its trials and tribulations, its the best thing anyone can ever do.
    Show your child Love every day and tell them, play every day,
    When they are older, try not to yell, talk to them, no matter how hard it may be

    But, do everything in your power to ensure the child has an appropriate upbringing and is shown proper behavioral and life choices.
    from a small thing such as what language is used at home, please/thank you's, no swearing where possible, etc, even food choices, to more important what is acceptable behavior.
    What you do is what the child learns, I have 3 so i do know the difficulties in all of this.
    There is so much more…

    And it all starts from Day 1

  • ihbh on 07/10/2020 - 08:55
    +1

    First 6 months is relatively easy (kid sleeps a lot)… then it gets harder… then it gets harder still when number 2 comes… God help you if you have more.

  • mreddie on 07/10/2020 - 09:09

    It's life changing in every way, seriously life changing. Kids brings lots of excitement and joy and you'd never hand them back - but things change and the family dynamic will change.

  • muckingfuppet on 07/10/2020 - 09:53
    +1

    Every baby comes with its joys and challenges.

    We've had the mindset of "just roll with it" and enjoy each moment, even when its hard e.g. you gotta cuddle them for hours on end to sleep. Because one day, you'll miss those cuddles when they're big adventurous toddlers.

    Deal with things as they come. Don't be afraid to ask friends who have slightly older children (whom you trust as good parents).

    There's a million things to learn, and you got to be willing to learn on the job.

    Congratulations man, and enjoy it!

    • Ti94 on 10/10/2020 - 11:32

      Thanks just roll with it and take it easy is the true mindset needed

  • Cheeper on 07/10/2020 - 10:25
    +1

    Did you read the warning about them turning into teenagers?

  • brad1-8tsi on 07/10/2020 - 15:05

    Personally, I went from feeling like a very capable & knowledgeable person to feeling totally out of my depth (and I'd had a lot to do with my Sister's babies before that).

    Even now, 23 years later and despite my best efforts I don't feel like I really got on top of the "Dad" thing but it was/is enjoyable anyway.

  • Kaz0551 on 07/10/2020 - 15:22
    +1

    During prenatal classes you wonder why they keep saying "Don't shake the baby."

    When you have kids you have to keep telling yourself "Don't shake the baby."

  • MechEng on 08/10/2020 - 11:48
    +2

    First, congratulations!

    What it feels like being a parent…

    I like to compare it to the time the germans invaded Russia. Bear with me… (no pun… well may be just a small one)

    At the begining, It seemed, and it was an unfair fight, the germans were technologically superior, have made rapid progression and it looked like there were there to win and the russians have lost…. But the Russians persevered.

    The germans kept throwing all they have, but the russians held ground, and persevered…

    Slowly things started to change, the germans lost ground, there were combinations of small and big victories for the russians, and the germans retreated… while the russians kept persevering.

    At the end we all know how it ended up…

    The point is at the begining becoming a parent is overwhelming, you're ill prepared and it seems that is all lost.

    But perseverance will make you trump, there will be small victories… oh that first time that baby slept for 3 hours in a row!, and there will be big victories… full night of sleep YES!, but it all take perseverance.

    The journey is rocky, but enjoyable, and it all goes by very fast!

    Welcome to the team "Dad"!

    Cheers

    • ihbh on 09/10/2020 - 12:30

      hmmm… it was the Russian winter that beat Napoleon and the Nazis.

      • MechEng on 09/10/2020 - 12:37

        and the ability of the Russians to hold until winter…
        That is the point, winter will come and things will change…
        Patience and perseverance…

        • Ti94 on 10/10/2020 - 11:31
          +1

          Given it is spring now in Aus, I will just keep whispering to my son “winter is coming boy, just you wait, winter is coming…”

  • Ti94 on 10/10/2020 - 07:00
    +3

    Thanks everyone for kind words. Baby boy was born 3 days ago. Mom and bub are both doing fine. It’s already been a wild ride. I now truly understand what it means to “kiss sleep good bye”. However we are learning and celebrating small wins like 3 hrs sleep between feed at night or how baby can go to sleep by himself after a good feed. Parenthood is incredible already and my heart melts when I watch the baby face during his sleep or when he lean against my chest looking so peacefully.

    • SF3 on 10/10/2020 - 08:25

      Enjoy the parenthood journey, it’s just the beginning 👍 👶

  • CantonasKungFuKick on 21/11/2020 - 23:30

    Make sure to remember these moments when they are 13 and back chatting you as you dare tell them to put their phone down

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