Daughter Doesn't Want to Return Her Mum`s Life Saving

Hello Guys

Thank you for your time
We wanted to get your thoughts and any guidance you guys can offer about a messy situation that my Best friend mother is in.
My Friends mother gave her 2nd daughter and her husband a substantial amount of money(150k) half her life saving for purchasing their first home last year for their deposit on the understanding that they will return the money back once they move into the new house, however after the settlement they completely stopped talking to the Mother , no communication and also does not allow her to see the grandkids :-(.
The 2 kids have grown up with their grandma by their side since birth and she has looked after then almost every day as the daughter would always say she is too tired to look after 2 kids (the daughter doesn’t work)

Since last year the mother has gone into severe depression as not being able to see the grand kids and being felt used and abused by her own daughter both emotionally and financially
Now 2 weeks ago my friend found out that the house that the 2nd daughter who purchased the house using her mother’s funds has the property for sale and which is currently under offer. When my friend told her mother about this, she then said she had given even more money to the second daughter and her husband prior to them purchasing the house for the husband to purchase a Food Truck (around 50k)
Her mother has been asking for them to return the money that she gave them since last year but they have blocked her # and do not even open the door when she goes to their house, once day she sat in her car in front of the house from 7 am to about 10 pm and both daughter and husband kept going in and out and ignored her calls to talk to them or let her see the grandkids

Now she wants her money back and doesn’t know what to do , they have seem a lawyer who has not been that great as when they spoke to him first he said he would send them a Letter of demand and give them 7 days to pay and if they don’t then put a caveat on the house and that he will get her money back but he also stopped responding to calls and did not do anything for the first 7 days and only after a week went my they were able to get in touch with another solicitor from the same firm who has just send out a Letter of demand 2 days ago giving them 7 days to pay but has said that she can’t put a caveat on the property as it’s not a caveatable interest which is not what the first lawyer from the same firm advised based on which she paid the lawyer fees.

We would appreciate if anyone could advice or help on what can my friends mother do to get her money back.

The daughter who took the money had also sent a handwritten card last year saying " Thanks mum for the money to purchase our house, we will return it once we move in "
The husband is a bad person, he first married to an Aussie to get a PR then divorced her and now this. When her mother asked him about his previous marriage he said in his religion he can marry 3-4 times its allowed

Please keep the comments clean as their family is going through a tough time.
Thank you all in advance

Edit 1 Since lot of people as asking

Examples of why Grandma believes the husband is not a nice person :

Being married before to get a PR and then divorced the girl once his PR was granted

Kept pressuring and pushing her daughter to come to grandma asking for money for the the food truck

Telling her daughter to strictly start following his religion if she wants to be with him

Forcing her to wear the traditional head attire in public , and the cruelest of all

Getting angry, abusive and blaming her daughter when they found out their second child is also a GIRL not a BOY. Left her pregnant daughter in the mall when she went and bought little baby girl clothes for child to come telling her that its her fault that she's giving birth to a girl not a boy .

The money for the house was given after the second child where the daughter would come to grandma and literally crying and begging for the money to help her family get a house of their own

Grandma was in touch with her daughter through all this via phone and catch ups without telling the husband. But after the settlement even this stopped and last phone call from her she said that She is changing her religion and Name doesn't want the grandma to have anything with her and she dare not let the kids go visit or see the grandma


  • +43

    We would appreciate if anyone could advice

    You've come to the write place.

    • +6


      1. Don't get married.

      2. Don't have children.

      3. Don't lend anyone money without a written contract.

      • +19

        Since the mother is being manipulated. It's fair game to fight fire with fire:

        1. Hire an escort to seduce the husband.

        2. Obtain evidence of the husband's infidelity.

        3. Use the evidence to divide the daughter from the husband.

        4. Show evidence that the daughter and husband are both unfit parents during the divorce proceedings to obtain custody of the grandchildren.

        5. (Optional) Use visitation of the grandchildren as leverage to have the debt repaid.

        • Mate, that's not a great plan. That divorce is gonna be bad for everyone and expensive.

          Just hope mum doesn't keep lending more money to the ungrateful daughter.

          I reckon legal action is the only option, if the daughter doesn't want to talk.

          Maybe tread lightly though, mixing money issues and family can lead an ugly mess and ruin a family.

        • I like it. DIVIDE AND CONQUER!

      • Ah shit. At least I didn’t do the third one.

      • +1

        There is another way, albeit extremely difficult.

        Don't marry someone unless you really trust and know them, and teach your kids some damn morals instead of this "take what you can get at all costs" attitude that we are infected with.

        Seriously, how the hell does someone steal over $100k from a family member? Don't these people have communities or connected family/friends to uphold a reputation?

  • +41

    One word! ACA

    • +16

      That's an acronym not a word.

      • +58

        Three words for the price of one…Bargain!

      • +13

        Technically, it's an initialism.

    • +5

      I can't remember which channel it was, but I recall there being a similar story.

      Son is married, they buy a home together and the parents allow the loan to be secured against their own home.

      The couple doesn't make any payments and is at risk of defaulting, parents are now at risk of getting kicked out of their own home.

      EDIT: Here we go, it looks like it was from ACA


      • +1

        Seven kids… What a playah!

        • +1

          Gotta get that centrelink money

  • +5

    It’s a bad situation, but the solicitor letter is likely the best course.
    If word of mouth and a thank you card are all that is on offer, it will be hard to get a caveat.
    What does the daughter say when mum comes to her door?

    • +3

      Actually, I don’t think the solicitor letter is the best course, just the best of what you have outlined.
      I would be seeking to restore the relationship with my child as the priority.

      • +62

        How can you restore the relationship with a child who is willing to steal from you as a parent ?

        Seems like a non starter.

        • +12

          I think the bigger, longer hurt won’t be about the money, but about the loss of relationship.
          We don’t have any view of the other side of this. It is vanishingly unlikely that a daughter was loving until the moment she got $150k.
          The daughter might feel there has been a disaster that prevents her meeting her financial obligations and she feels embarrassed or hurt or who knows?
          It’s unlikely that OP has the full picture.

          • +2

            @mskeggs: Yes, grandma is really hurt, she didnt step out of the house for almost 2 months when all this was at peak after settlement last year.

            • -30

              @Jam92: what is the background of the daughter? this matters greatly to the plot. im gonna go on a limb and say Asian? my theory is that the daughter was forced to study alot at a young age and whatever results she got did not make her parents happy and they always looked down upon her and this was her way of getting back at her mom?

              • +10

                @striker5950: Here’s some Deep Heat.

                You’re gonna need it for all that reaching you’re doing there.

                • +4


                  Here’s some Deep Heat.

                  "Tiger Balm", not Deep Heat. It's a bit more asian! LOL

                • @Belts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQt46gvYO40
                  She was forced to study. Some humans are not born to handle such level of societal stress.
                  It's not impossible there are people sitting in the middle of the spectrum.

            • @Jam92: We're in a very similar situation, however it is a reverse. So the grandma=us, the daughter = grandpa … We choose to maintain the peace as in "If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men." over the $$$. There were/still a lot of heartache and stress he cause for us … We exhausted all options, nothing change … so just pray for now. I really feels for that grandma … I hope it will work out the best possible way for her.

            • @Jam92: Maybe keep grandma company. I feel bad for her. Is she getting any help for her depression?

              • @TK Deadwalker: Yes, now that the family knows. My friend(the other daughter) has been staying with her. They have got a Mental health plan through the GP, hopefully she is able to get better soon as sometimes my friend says she just starts crying just sitting in the corner or go the room and cry where she has stored all the toys for her grand kids

          • +3

            @mskeggs: I'd wager the disaster preventing the daughter meeting her financial obligation is that her husband has said "no money no marriage". Daughter feels like she has to choose between mum and hubby and the silly fool has chosen ahole hubby, who will undoubtedly piss off soon anyway now the lawyer's letters have started to arrive.

            Hubby's religion might or might not say he can have 3 or 4 wives at a time but Australian law has a different view. Daughter should be made aware of that.

            • -2

              @derrida derider: And Australian authorities give a free pass to certain certain privileged groups, making that 'law' she should be concerned about, laughable.

              Unless of course you and the person you're marrying are not members of those (that?) privileged group/s… then you'll get a multi-volume 1970s Britannica thrown at you.

          • +1


            a disaster that prevents her meeting her financial obligations and she feels embarrassed or hurt

            Or, probably brainwashed?
            What kind of child does this to their own mother?

  • +28

    Honestly if you don't have a 'written contract' and no video evidence of a 'verbal one' there isn't going to be much you can do.

    I'm sorry to hear about this story sounds like a really hard situation - daughter and her Husband sound like your typical scum s*it people you will find trying to scam you on gumtree.

    At the same time giving someone 200k (50 +150) is pretty stupid - she easily could of asked to be on the title of the property and had some level of ownership at point of sale - my advice would be to ensure the mothers will reflect this and names the daughter as someone who is to get a 1$ (needs to be a named amount) of our estate and the rest to be given to her other remaining children evenly. - in the end of the day she still has what wealth she has now and the only think she really can do is essentially cut out what ever inheritance is would of had left.

    • yes, she feels stupid now but we all including her would have never thought they would change like this. Grandma was very attached to the kids and thought she was doing the right thing by helping her daughters family settle

      • +13

        As i said the only thing she can do now is ensure her other children get whats left of her estate when she dies and the 2nd daughter who screwed her gets nothing but 1$ and a strongly worded letter on what a piece of shit she is.

        Otherwise she needs to get mental health support and move on nothing can be done (i know that is easier said then done tho)

        • +2

          Thanks for your reply
          Yes, they will be getting the wills sorted out very soon once grandma feels a bit more strong mentally

          • +5

            @Jam92: Not a problem I'm sorry for your friend it would be a nightmare.

            Losing money is one thing, but losing the ability to see your grandchildren grow up is far more costly imo

          • @Jam92: That won't work if the will is challenged. It will become a legal minefield and this "daughter" will still receive a good chunk of the estate no matter how the will is worded. Talk to your solicitor about this.

            • +3

              @bigticket: A legal challenge to the will fails, with costs against the loser, if the reason for excluding daughter from it is made clear and is reasonable - and this one is more than reasonable. But yes, the will needs professional advice and wording.

              • @derrida derider: Even a loser can be awarded court costs, after all it is decided by a judge. In this case, for example, someone who has received 200k and the estate is worth say 1 million or more, I think has a really good legal case no matter how the will is worded to exclude the other daughter.

        • +38

          lol your face is so red.
          Stop badgering the OP, you're triggered hard

          • +12

            @payton: Probably has membership to the same club.

          • +14

            @Jam92: He means he doesn't like what you say so you are a liar unless you say what he wants to hear.

      • Just wondering, is the food truck they bought earning money?

        • Im not sure , neither my friend is as they don`t talk to her either

          • @Jam92: Would be a shame if it was earning a good income and they still didn’t repay.

        • Judging based on the story of how the husband is not a nice person I am not surprised that he would do the same to other people in his business so I don't think it would last very long before the business go under.

      • It could also be potentially due to her husband forcing to get separated from her mother under pressure.

      • If you pulled the bank records of the two transfers, and maybe even the comment, it could establish a documented trial of transfers?

        Then the debate would be about a gift or a loan, which a court can decdie. Can call witnesses.

        You may not need a written contract to get an enforceable demand on the proceeds of the home sale. People often forget a verbal contract is very much still a contract.

    • What if you can prove transaction. Though the other party can claim is a gift.

    • +3

      Honestly if you don't have a 'written contract'

      Actually, this is incorrect. Under Australian contract law, there is no distinction between "verbal" or "written" contracts. In court, the OP will have to prove there was an agreement between the two parties (verbal or written).

      • +4

        The massive difference between them, is that one is easily proven, and the other is extremely difficult to prove.

        • +4

          Well you can prove she handed over 200k pretty easily.

          The fact they started ignoring her over a supposed gift.

          • @kasp: How are you going to prove they ignore her over the "gift"? Could be ignoring her for a million reasons. But feel free to link some cases that have been won on zero evidence if you want.

      • Fair enough you got an idea who that can be proved with pretty much zero evidence?

        • +2

          This could come down to the testimony of the plaintiff and the defendant, and whether the magistrate considers either more reliable/credible. Other witnesses could add strength to each side. The OP mentioned there was a card promising a repayment of the debt.

          Some magistrates tend to have a bias for the plaintiff or the defendant. Others push very hard for a settlement during the pre-hearing (especially when family relations are at stake).

          • -1

            @johnwinds: the cost of going to court and battling this out alone makes it stupid to go to court but no judge in there right mind are going to rule on a card that says we will 'pay you back' one day

            If the defendant says it was a gift there is no evidence to say different 'a card' saying she will pay her back doesnt specify what or how much she is paying her back or even when. It could be pay her back for the cup of coffee she brought her 15 years ago for all the judge knows.

            Even if you do get a settlement it would be fraction of what is owed and chewed up and a large part of it will be chewed up in legal fees.

            Not to mention the grandmothers mental health is in no position to battle out a court case against her own daughter (which would inadvertently affect her grandchild)

            The fact two different lawyers have told her she doesn't have much of a case is also a bit of a reality check

            TBH i deal with old people all the time and the amount of stories that over-embellish is unreal - i have only heard one side the story but i dont believe she gave the money with the intension of getting it all back as she previously gave the daughter money 50k that was never paid back.

      • Also there are a few things that do need a written contract.

  • +32

    WTF is wrong with people.

    • +6

      I know right how f**ked up

    • +19

      The daughter needs to get in the bin. Only human garbage would take $200k from their own mother and then effectively ghost them.

      • +4

        Seems there are no levels people will go to when money is involved. Hopefully 'karma' will get that slag & her effed up partner in the end.

      • +1

        There is a (in)famous trading wolf - tyson scholz and he dwarfs any expectations one would have with kids. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8923807/Lamborghini...

        Though, it is really sad :(

      • -2

        The daughter is completely under the control of the husband. He is the one calling the shots here and is clearly a very poor addition to our country.

        • She has every choice in the world and is every part to blame.

    • +1

      Ikr, how can someone do that to a parent that raised them!?

      • Grandma and the other other daughter and relatives asking the same

    • Here is possible explanation " the love of $ is the root of all evils" or "greed is bad"
      Or may be they foreseen this country economy that the dollar will lose more value when RBA spent all 100B to the big banks.


    • The problem here is the muslim immigrant husband, who is the one calling the shots and is clearly a very poor addition to our country.

  • +11

    husband to purchase a Food Truck (around 50k)

    Had me in tears…

    • ye, we think they started taking money in bits so to see how easy it will be to get grandma to give them a final larger sum . They were fine after getting the food truck onky after the house they changed

        • +41

          Where the hell did a big brown man come from? You really are a racist?

      • -2

        Sounds like you should GTFO, or get grandma to fund your own whacky batshit crazy idea

  • +9

    As far as I know, everything that happens in family or friends. Never let money get involved.
    The money will cost you everything.

    • +2

      just like we dont use Paypal F&F…

    • Grandma's love…she is now heartbroken

  • +6

    The husband is a bad person, he first married to an Aussie to get a PR then divorced her and now this. When her mother asked him about his previous marriage he said in his religion he can marry 3-4 times its allowed.

    I didn't get this part? I think they are all as bad as each other.

    • -8

      exactly what I said, but i am being downvoted.

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