Wife Won’t Let Me Buy a Motorbike!

TLDR; preferably after advice from married women. Help me understand the mentality behind this. My wife won’t let me buy a motorbike because she says she doesn’t want me to die in an accident and leave her and child behind.

Before getting married, from the age of 18 - 22 I used to commute to the city on a sports bike for uni and work. I have been a mountain biker for the better part of 15 years and I mainly ride down hill and enduro, for those who know this is largely very technical high speed and dangerous riding that I do almost every weekend of the year unless it’s raining. I also used to cycle using a road bike and I did this for 5 years but since stopped as I didn’t enjoy as much as dirt plus it committed a lot more time.

Recently I have rekindled my desire to get a motorbike again, so I am looking at buying a trail / dirt bike to head into the bush to ride.

It’s a bit of a natural progression for me and I love riding so it’s just an extension of the leisure I already undertake.

My wife who is normally very accommodating, flexible and understanding of my antics (whether it is going away for camping trips, boys weekends, or spending money on hobbies) has put her foot down on this in a big way and completely against it.

She is making statements like;

‘I would be extremely let down if you go ahead with this’

‘This is very selfish, if you died you would leave me behind to deal with everything’

‘I won’t stand by if you buy a motorbike and let it happen’

‘Don’t think you can just do this’

Really really strong language is used when the topic is brought up. Similarly I do not ever bring it up, I love watching the stuff on YouTube and usually then she raises it and makes a comment. Likewise if she sees somebody on a motorbike next to us while we are driving she’ll just randomly say stuff like ‘don’t think you can do something like that person’ - almost like she is trying to stamp out the thought so the action doesn’t follow.

For me it’s just a natural progression two wheels have always been a part of my life. So buying a dirt bike feels very normal and I am very confused with all this.

Likewise I don’t do do anything else that one would consider a vice - clean as a whistle (no drinking, smoking, drugs, infidelity, gambling, reckless spending, selfish spending, dishonesty, mistreatment, absenteeism) nothing. I spend a lot of time with my son, so I’m not an absent father either. I spend a lot of time with her so I’m not an absent husband.

I work extremely hard, I’m an adult and I take care of my family and make sure I always do my best so I don’t see why I can’t make a decision like this if I want too.

From my own reflection there are 3 incidents which I feel have shaped her mentality to date but this is just based on my own internal reflection - I could be wrong which is why I’m asking for advice as I can be WAY OFF.

1 - I usually go hard on everything. When I mountain bike, I ride hard, when I start a new hobby I research everything from top to bottom, when I work I really put it in. She may think that once I have a bike things will get out of hand based on my personality? I’ll ride hard, have a big accident and hurt myself.

2 - I had a road cycling accident, no broken bones, just a broken ego and smashed up body and some stitches. I fell off at speed on concrete and had to sit on the side of the path until she could come and pick me up to go to the doctors. She freaked out and tried to ban me from riding a bicycle again.

3 - She had a cousin die in a motor vehicle accident. At the time she was a baby so I don’t think they were very close but it occurred in her life so she may remember it or at least remember the impact on the families.

I would love to hear the mindset of some women who might feel the same or differently so I can gather a better understanding of this situation. She is an amazing woman and the above is not reflective of her personality which is why I am so confused because I can almost do anything with impunity and no oversight, but not this. If I said I’m going on a holiday with my mates for a week next month, she will just say ok have fun.

I would love to figure out how I can make the experience less stressful on her but also make it enjoyable for me and get a bike.

There is also the possibility to never buy a bike and just listen. But then what is the purpose of anything if you can’t do the things you enjoy. We live in an age of decadence, once we stopped working to survive we started working to create enjoyment.

Comments

  • +1

    I'll offer you a different perspective that the others haven't - it's not just your life anymore, you and your wife are a family unit and as such, you have to realise that when you make decisions for "you", you're also making decisions for the both of you.

    You talk a lot about you, in the first person in here. Your argument here isn't just that you want your wife to allow you to buy the bike or whatever, but also for her to change her mind and somehow accept your point of view. You're confused because you haven't actually empathised and understood her perspective, only said that you have. You also seem like someone who by your own admission will "go hard", and you seem to have obsessed over your desire to buy a bike to do so.

    My harsh perspective? You're being selfish, the second you got married, and then even had kids your life is no longer only your own. You have responsibilities which are greater than your desire to have "decadence" and enjoyment, and while maybe you won't always get what you want that's just reality.

  • +1

    I'd keep it simple. Maybe like "how often are you willing to put out if I DONT buy a motorbike?"

    Then weigh up pros and cons vs almost 0 if you do buy one.

    If her answer is non commital, then you'd be stupid not to buy one

  • +1

    I came from South East Asia where everyone had a motorcycle, but in Australia, you better travel by car, the speed is too much for a biker to survive in a crash. If you ride somewhere in the city, get a scooter instead. If you buy a high cost motorcycle, you must use it frequently to make use of your investment. But using it for daily commune or weekends adventure will increase your risk of accidents

  • +4

    Dont buy, just resent her.

    Hold it against her in every argument for the rest of your life.

  • You can be the world's best motorbike rider but at the end of the day most likely it'll be someone else's actions putting your life at risk. Not worth it mate.

    Reading your post if it's purely a dirt bike for off-road antics then I think it's fine. Possibility and risk of injury are higher of course with more speed so that's the hardest part to wrestle with. Tbh, you should've titled this post with dirtbike instead of motorbike.

  • +2

    maybe consider an enduro bike, a lot of mountain bike skills transfer and your average speed will be in the 30's and you dont have to pedal up those bloody mountains. You will 100% crash more but it will be at like 5-10 kph which the armor has no problems with. You already should have the mentality of when to bail safely rather then try to save it. Take it easy on the fire trails and avoid MX tracks and you will be able to do it into your 60's if ya lucky.

    The best argument is, you wont be on the road with all the idiots

  • +2

    15-20 years ago (before kids), I wanted to get a motorbike, she said "Are you crazy? We haven't had kids. Think about it afterwards."
    10 years ago (after having 3 kids), I asked if I can get one. She said "No… kids are too young!"
    This year (youngest is 9 years old), I asked again.. She said "Fine… You haven't given up for all these years. Just be careful".

    Well.. to be honest, I'm a bit worried too. I don't want to end up bedridden.
    So, I got a 150CC scooter now. I only go on local roads (no motorways). Bought the proper bike gloves, pants, jacket and a good helmet. I hardly go above 80km/h. I don't ride if it is raining. This is how I'm managing my risk.

  • My wife is a doc, i have a motorcycle - generally the two never mix….doc's hate bikes - they call us Organ Donors.

    One day a few years back, her friends hubby was riding his bike down south in Western Australia with a group of 6 other riders and a french driver turned into the opposite lane (ie the wrong lane) from a service station on the main highway and he hit them head on and as a result died at the scene.

    This is what your wife thinks might happen, events beyond your control and all that. In saying such strong words, take a step back - she cares a lot, and cares enough to use exceptionally strong language. Its not selfish, its caring.

    Now i still have my bike, and i only ride to work and back (7km each way). I never do any long mates trips anymore, and i just use it as a commute which we agreed on. Its a happy medium.

    My advice, find a happy medium….maybe no trail bike riding…change it to work commute and you might have better traction. Something in her eyes that might be a little easier to digest rather than doing an Evil Kneivel out bush on a trail bike.

    Just my $0.02 worth, but comes from first hand experience.

  • +2

    Reading these comments you'd think getting on a bike was like rolling a dice, every sixth time you die.

    Accidents are not that common. It's ridiculous to call motorcyclists temporary Australians, more people die as pedestrians than on motorbikes. The chance of death or dismemberment is not that high. You can't set your watch to it, you're not guaranteed to have permanent damage just because you choose to ride a bike. What a ridiculous suggestion.

  • Negotiate.

    Safer bike, safer gear, bike only with a club.

    Limit trips to twice a year.

    (This is not your starting position).

  • Motor cycles is basically a 2 wheeled open coffin.

    • Weekend at Burnies style? How may Pallbearers are needed?

  • A high powered scooter is way more fun on the bike tracks, added bonus of rush from potential cop chase, since apparently still illegal in NSW.

    • There are 600CC BMW and Yamaha scooters. I looked at them and then bought a 150CC Honda :)

      • Yeh I talking e-scooter.

  • +2

    Divorce rate is somewhere closer to 50%. What is she worried about?

  • +1

    My Dad got his first motorbike in his early 30s, and at the time was father of 2. He used his bike to commute for the rest of his working life. He had a couple of prangs (got doored by a guy one time, ran into the back of a car when they braked too hard at the bottom of a hill) but no major injuries. I think a lot depends on your attitude to risk, and I wonder if this is what your wife is reacting to.

  • +4

    Negotiate. Can't have a bike ask for a girlfriend.

  • Either:

    a) tell her that she will be looked after financially with your Superannuation fund; Or

    b) she is planning a surprise birthday present for you and so doesn't want you to buy 1 yourself!

  • "I would love to hear the mindset of some women who might feel the same or differently so I can gather a better understanding of this situation."

    Don't need to be a specific gender to know that there are a bunch of idiots who drive on the road and the less that is in between the idiot and yourself , the more risk there is of things going south fast if there is an accident.

  • +1

    I sold both my road and off road touring bikes when we had children and they started childcare

    The impracticalities of picking them up from childcare on a motorbike were too great and both bikes tended to sit for weeks/months without use.

    • Yeah this is one of the reasons my bike is in the shed unregistered. Try to be a good husband and do drop off or pick up each day, not compatible with kids in those early school years

  • Just get the bike man, as a fellow rider, it is great and the weekend rides with the boys is therapy.

  • If you're coming to Ozbargain for relationship advice you're in the wrong place and have deeper issues you two need to sort out.

    I've spent my enitre adult life so far riding and even offered when my daughter was born to give up riding which was discussed and agreed that
    i should minimise risk but not give it up. Riding on the road is a total sh!t show and your wife has justification in concern there but
    If you're already mountain biking then your risk is similar to a dirt bike so what is the real issue from her side? This is what you really need to discuss with her.

    This should be easy to discuss and compromise on.

  • just buy it 4Head

  • As a responsible husband, do you have life insurance? I watched an ER show yesterday and the doctor said bike injuries are usually gruesome. I ran into a girl I went to school with who told me her husband was killed on his bike, and another who told me she came upon a bike crash and held the mans hand as he died

  • +1

    Just get life insurance, your wife can find someone else to share the responsibilities of a family and you'll be dead anyway so whatever.

  • If you didn't have kids, do what you want. If you have kids then think about the risk and chance of loss.
    You've had 20-40 years of life being only about you and doing what you want whenever you want, having kids means life is not just about you anymore and have to reduce chances of not being here. Not just riding a bike but being healthier in general, eating well, exercise, less risky activities etc. Need to be maximise the chance that you'll be around until kids are at least in their 20's.
    This is how my attitude changed anyways after starting a family.

    • OP has a son.

  • went through the EXACT same thing. Mine was was worse though as the missus worked in intensive care at the time where you guessed it - middle aged back on the road bikers were airlifted in……so the odds were stacked against me

    took weeks of "persuasion" eventually we settled on a deal- once I have an accident which had the potential for serious damage Im off the road. yeah, that first accident could be the one, but hey, I jumped on it! 15 years later as a daily rider, but now Im in trouble again as the eldest always wants to go for a ride - she's hooked…….

    Yeah I'm a hyprocrite - no way I'd let her get on the back of anyone else's bike! I can definately see why the missus was worried. You're going to have to just get to a point where she's comfortable with it. riding hard probably isnt the best angle though…….

  • +2

    I have been riding motorbikes for over 20 years now both on and off-road and since having kids I've definitely become more risk averse. I pretty much never ride on the road anymore and stick to off-road, I've also slowed down a bit too. Off road is as risky as you make it, if you just putt around you can't possibly get hurt. A lot of serious injuries off road are caused by quad bikes (wouldn't touch one). I have no issues with my kids riding off road, especially as our property is mostly sand.

    On-road / Off-road is a completely different kettle of fish. No matter how careful and how slow you ride on-road is still incredibly dangerous. Off-road is as dangerous as you make it.

  • Wow…this thread got some comments.

    So, I started commuting to/from work a decade or go. I had not ridden a road motorcycle before, just the occasional farm bike. My usual transport was bus or bicycle, but there was free underground parking for motorbikes at my workplace, so it was a very attractive option.

    I had a partner and 3yo boy at the time. My partner was nervous, but was supportive. My elderly parents were dismayed to hear I was going to ride a motorcycle, but other than emotionally, had no say in the matter.

    I got my license, and a 250cc bike, and off I went.

    Here's where you might expect I was leading into a sad story….but no…it was great. I really enjoyed the freedom of riding a motorcycle when I needed a faster transport option than bus or bicycle. Never had a drop. The most scary event was a shimmy in the rear as I braked at a roundabout in rain. Countless drivers didn't see me and pulled in front of me or cut me off, but I always saw them first.

    Just over a decade later, and free parking at work disappeared, and my bike now sits unused. I liked riding it, but I guess I wasn't as passionate as others. I'll be giving it a service and selling it soon (albeit with a tear in the eye). My son is nearing the time to get his learners' permit, and we'll be looking for a second (manual) car anyway.

    Anyway…what's this got to do with your original post. Well, I can say that my partner was also worried about me riding, not to the point where she told me not to, but the fear was certainly there. For that matter, while I was going through the various courses and assessment, I watched a lot of YouTube videos of motorcycle accidents, and I have to say, it rattled me a bit.

    Of the people I've known who ride motorcycles, I'd have to say that more often than not they've had a drop, and some of those resulted in fairly serious injuries. It is not a risk you can easily dismiss.

    I like to think I was a pretty safe rider, but most likely I was also lucky. I always tried to be aware of what was ahead and behind, and always tried to keep a buffer, but sometimes I found myself riding on 'autopilot', and how can you anticipate/react when you're on autopilot.

    I knew a guy who had been riding 40 years, and had a massively powerful sports bike. Never had a drop. I witnessed him ride, and he always appeared in control, and was a very steady rider. He was very aware of others on the road, and I think that's hugely important. If you're dead, it doesn't matter if it was the other driver's fault.

    If you love somebody, set them free - I guess we shouldn't prevent our loved one''s making choices. Don't let that diminish responsibilities though. Assess yourself and your risks. Are you the sort of person to take chances, or go too fast? Perhaps she would be happier if you undertook some advanced rider training, then you may reach a compromise.

    My two bob's.

    • +1

      'If you love somebody, set them free'

      last night I watched TV doco about Henry VIII and his men - raised by women as a spoiled selfish brat, he yearned for the company of men and was easily manipulated with his short attention span

      all maybe OK as a fun-loving guy until a jousting accident left him in permanent pain with a leg injury that never healed, whereafter he became unhappy, angry and cruel, dying alone and paranoid after being manipulated one too many times by the men he listened to.

      'freedom's just another word for - nothing left to do'

      I loved riding bikes - from a learner Suzuki, to a fixup vintage Ariel with Dusting sidecar, to Ducati Desmo, to Vincent, to the first Superbike Kwacker Z1 900, to an RD350 Yammie, to a waterbottle Suzuki 750, even a Yammie 110 in Vietnam

      and I gaze at every passing bike - and remember why I don't ride anymore - my permanent back injury, reshaped jaw, compressed forearm bone, fractured ankle making me limp after using a clutch pedal, why I had to sell my beloved manual car - but I'm alive and plan to stay that way longer - Not riding motorcycles any more …

  • +2

    Why not try an ebike?
    Stealthbikes have some that blur the line between MTB and a dirt bike.

    • also illegal. wcgw?

    • She tried to ban OP from riding a bicycle…

    • They look pretty sweet, would be a great compromise. Fun to commute on & great hitting the trails.

  • +1

    Work at a major trauma hospital and spent several years in the ED….

    Don’t get a bike.

  • +1

    Wife is correct. Motorcycles are same as helicopters. They will crash and whet they do it can be pretty bad. Do it for her sake and maybe she'll pull her hair back and give you a treat 😂😉

    • +6

      What? u serious? now I have to sell my helicopter.

      • I had to sell mine as well 😂😂

        • In a helicopter you have less blind drivers to deal with. Only drunk pilots.

          • @ATangk: I agree. You have blind and drunk drivers out there. The risk however is a lot higher with motorcycles. You diw straight away. You don't even get a broken rib or concussion as in a car. You die

            • @Raj09: Thats a rather simplistic view. No you don't just die from a crash…

            • +1

              @Raj09: 2 slides down the road and no injuries. its a massive generalisation to say you're gonna each time!

              I will admit though - you're more LIKELY to die and the risk IS higher - but no, you're not going to die straight away

              Alot more experienced and wiser now, I've ridden behind other riders just knowing that they're in for a world of hurt any minute now (sure enough, 15 mins later I passed him as he'd T-boned a car. he was fine and walking around, but I'd ridden in a similar scenario as a 20yo and was nearly tboned in a similar scenario, so I knew he was going to cop it sooner or later riding like he did)

      • I can't sell my helicopter, need it for 7 eleven fuel

  • Tell her you are buying one of these: https://www.jamesedition.com/motorcycles/mtt/420/mtt-420rr-t...

    Then in 4-6 weeks, downgrade your aspirations to a dirt bike - suddenly it will seem much more safe and reasonable. Everyone wins!

    (although to be honest, I'm also in the 'no bike' camp. Maybe consider a sports car, like a 9/11 or second-hand R8).

  • +2

    Late to the party OP, but just my (anecdotal) two cents.

    I grew up riding dirtbikes, and buying a road bike was on my "30s" to-do list. I've lost 3 (highly competent) motorcyclist friends due in separate MVAs, and the common ingredient was this: in none of the accidents could their skill have saved them. They were exposed and unprotected against other motorist's mistakes. They died.

    So for me and my family I had to simply weigh up whether my enjoyment on a motorbike would outweigh the additional risk I put myself and my family in. Having seen first-hand the devastation of three families when these three highly-skilled riders were killed in circumstances beyond their control, I chose my family.

  • My sports bikes have sat in the garage since I had kids. 3.5 years now. I really need to sell them.

    It's a little sad but I've had enough close calls (and a couple of minor accidents) to agree with the general sentiment that I have dependents now so I have to pull my neck in. Such is life. I will find other things to energise me. Sliding around corners counter-turning, sadly won't be one of them for a long while, if at all again.

    • +1

      Now is probably a good time to sell. Used motorcycle prices have been going up.

      • Agree sell now OR get into track days. Even if it's only two or three a year it scratches the itch for me.
        Kind of resets your brain too, if that makes sense?

  • +1

    I have a harley vrod that I've ridden for almost 10 years, got an new enduro mountain bike late last year (I used to race mtb as a teenager), a 4WD, a caravan, I workout 4-6 times a week and have 2 amazing teen/adult kids that I provide for. I've never been married, I've never been divorced and I've never been happier. I doubt I would have been "allowed" these things if I had a wife, but I've never had to check… I get to do the things that I enjoy, guilt free. Am I missing out on anything? My married mates like to live vicariously wanting to know what the latest women on the dating apps are like. Its a wonderland out there. Moral of the story, life is short do what makes you happy.

    • +2

      Only 5 pages in and possibly the first who says go for it! 😂

  • Hi OP! Sorry haven't read through all the comments, but regarding the comparison between mountain biking and motorbiking: I would say the difference here is she trusts your abilities, judgement, etc with mountain biking, but when it comes to motorbiking you also have to put a LOT of faith and trust in other drivers/road users. I suspect it is this she is struggling with. So, if it helps, I don't think it is necessarily about her not trusting you, or doubting your abilities/judgement, but the fact that realistically she would be having to put a LOT of trust in other road users to keep you alive, which is not something she is prepared to do.

  • This is why you need a dirt bike. It's in our DNA

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhj2QtnsA90&ab_channel=CROSS...

  • +4

    Op is referring to dirt bikes. Your seriously under the thumb if u can't go ride the trails a few times a year for fun.

  • your wife meant to show you this

  • +3

    I've been riding dirt bikes now for around 17 years. I grew up with them. People tend to focus on the negatives when I mention I ride a motorbike, and fair enough. So many stories of lost friends/uncles etc. At the end of the day it's important to listen to these people, then jump on your bike and ride away. I am not entire risk averse, however I do choose the risks that I take and assess the consequences. I trailer my bike to the forests/riding parks, mitigating a lot of risk of incident on the road. To me, in the 17 years of riding I have had 100's of stacks, fallen off etc. However due to my choices to ride enduro/trail and not motocross I have never actually had any serious injuries.

    My advice is do what you want. Make a judgement call. Do your research, and buy that dirtbike.

  • -2

    Surely this is a no brainer? Just don't get a bike lol.

    The only real reason why you would is because you want to be selfish and make yourself happy. In which case only you can actively force that decision through. But be prepared to stop being happy once you have to deal with the consequences.

  • she is right too risky when you have family and kids

    I sometimes commute to work with road bikes but I never ride on the road
    I always look for cycle paths or safe path away from the traffic and cars as
    I have the responsibility to the family and the kids I have to stay safe

  • +2

    Listen to the Wifey. If you buy the bike, you'll likely die from the Wifey before the bike. Not worth it :)

  • I'd say the same to my husband if he rode a bike.
    She doesn't want to see you maimed or killed in an accident. Surely, that's not hard to understand. Motorbikes are dangerous. She loves you. You're being irresponsible.
    She probably has told you "don't do it, please don't ride the bike" in the past, and you've ignored her, so she's using the emotional tactics now to communicate with "If you do this, I will be angry."
    And yes, if my husband partakes in dangerous activities that will leave me as a single mother, I will blast his ears off for being irresponsible.

    • -1

      I agree. It's sensible advice 👍🏾

  • If your wife say's yes for almost all your desires but not this alone then its your time to payback accepting her desire :)..happy wife happy life

  • Sounds like it's a fantastic advice.
    I was in that situation before, up until as soon as she said "you can ride a motorbike" I went and bought 1. Explain to her happy wife happy life and I also want to be happy. 🙂

  • +1

    I had the same issue for a little while. Then I got her into Motorcycling. Now we go riding together.

  • -1

    Depends on where you live, e.g. inner Melbourne - forget it. Traffic and lots of bad 'new' drivers, driving around with no lights on at night and all other kinds of dangerous driving.

    Country/Regional - maybe not so bad

    • Dunno about that regional areas have shittier roads, kangaroos, lazy/complacent drivers etc

  • My husband has always had a Dirt bike that he would ride in the forest that borders his parents property in the country. He has never asked for my permission because he uses his own money to buy it lol

    I was pregnant with our 3rd child when he had an incident a few years ago while riding in the forest with our son. He broke 4 ribs and one was close to puncturing his lung so had to be transported to the Alfred. The result was 2 weeks in hospital, a lot of pain, no work for 6 months and depression because he couldn't do anything - he loves to run, go MTB riding and likes to exercise.

    He no longer owns a dirt bike.

    Good luck!

  • +4

    You sound like you belong to the same fellowship as I do. Doesn’t drink/use, does everything either 0% or 100%. Obsessive (researching etc).

    One day at a time, friend.

  • I sold my motorcycle when my daughter was born. My wife was very happy

  • I don't know anyone who owns a dirtbike and hasn't crashed so I kind of see where she's coming from…

  • Get an electric moutain bike. Some have up to 175kw.

    More seriously happy wife happy life. She has already seen you injured and doesn't want to deal with an incapacitated husband. Her concerns should be taken seriously. She is the one that will have to deal with your ramifications. Do you want that.

    Give it a rest and look at something else. IMO. Maybe do something together for a change.

    • 175kw seems excessive considering a Suzuki DR-Z400 is only something like 25kw…

      I suggested he takes up side-by-side racing.

  • Tldr this was like reading the American Beauty Script….
    This is why lots of divorced dads line up on the weekends to buy Indian motorcycles… Freeeeedom!!

  • Maybe you can compromise and get some really good life insurance.

  • Anyway, good off-road riding places were at Macarthur park Appin, Pacific Park near Cattai and good 'ol Heathcote Road, between Sandy Point and Lucas Heights facility.
    I wrote "were" because the latter was Crown land, part of which was used for Army vehicle training. I never saw them "on any Sunday" though.
    I did come across a dumped shark carcass in a high-speed open section. Genuine — it stank!

  • +1

    Can you rent dirt/off-road bikes? This might be a way of introducing it but also showing you're not going to get completely obsessed with it and do it all the time etc. Gives you an opportunity to try it out too. Just a thought.

  • Seen a few nasty complications from MBAs. The paramedics probably see way worse cause the ones that make it to hospital usually still have a pulse.

    Saw some guy with his scrotum torn open and just a bloody mess down there, seen limbs torn off, partly torn off etc. and while you can control yourself you can’t always control road conditions and fellow drivers.

    It’s definitely a risk, your life though.

    Edit: had another think, the worst are probably the head injuries that wake up confused, unable to self care and have the intellect of a 3 year old. Those are definitely the worst off.

  • +1

    I have over 50,000KM on motorbikes and did some pretty stupid shit as well. There were close calls other than a couple it was me pushing the limits and I was proud to come alive out of those events. Then my first son came, my riding style changed, I got too stiff and feared for my life. The motorbike was gone, but those past incidents before they were born gives me chills because if I wasn't lucky enough these little beautiful humans wouldn't exist. And I don't want them to grow up saying my daddy died in accident and he was unlucky. Don't get the motorbike. Wait till they are 18 and don't need daddy anymore.

  • Not sure if has been recommended but maybe make sure your insurance is set up for all the cases like being severely injured, paralysed etc. Research facilities for paralysed people and how much they cost so it's not on your wife after, and she set up for life. This way nothing to worry about for your wife, will also show that you care.

  • Everyone needs a hobby/outlet and if thats yours its arrogant of her to just tell you you CANT ever have one. Pretty selfish on her part imo.

  • Check exclusions on your life insurance, risky activity is excluded so see what they consider to be risky activity

  • How about buying a motorcycle in secret and storing it out of sight in a secured storage facility. You are happy and wife is happy. Win win.

    • +1

      What happened to your collar bone?
      I was helping that old lady up the street catch her dog on the road and tripped over. Oh you poor thing <snuggling noises>.

      P.S. Get an Swm 650 and let me borrow it.

  • I had a few road bikes and kept riding after my first son was born, but something clicked when my 2nd son was born and I voluntarily sold it and moved on. My older brother (who doesn't have kids) has been riding and racing bikes for 20 years and he has had two really bad accidents, neither his fault and both in 60 zones. One permanently damaged his angle, the other left a massive scar about 20cm long around his knee.

    It's your call, obviously, but I just couldn't keep riding on the road given the clear statistical evidence about how much more likely you are to be killed or seriously injured on a bike vs. a car.

  • +1

    Forget logic and rationalism if she feels that strongly about it give her this one. The only real question is what do you value more, your marriage or riding a dirt bike?

    • +1

      Why should it be a choice between one and the other? It's almost blackmail.

      A few people suggested a compromise for OP to 'try' an off-road bike to see if his partner might 'trust' him more. That's not the worst idea.

  • I’m forced to listen to my wife and now her parents fro China is living I. My house. I have to pay for everything and all the work I did at home has to be moved to a warehouse in order to make space for them. They cost me about $2500-$3000 a month due to this.

    Morale of the story? Don’t listen to your wife

    • +1

      you made the choice…

      no one forced you

  • Tell your wife if you don't get a bike then you will be forced to buy a new wife

    • +2

      forced to buy a new wife.

      forced to ride a new wife instead

      FIFY

  • "But then what is the purpose of anything if you can’t do the things you enjoy."

    You potentially wont be able to do one thing you enjoy. This doesn't mean all other things in life lose purpose.

    I echo the sentiment of most other people here, your decision to ride has risks, and you have responsibilities to your family. Your wife is adverse to a hobby that potentially will get you injured or worst case killed. I'm aware that dirt biking is less likely to get you killed, but freak accidents happen and putting yourself on a bike just increases that chance.

    Sure there are families that are happy for their spouses to ride, but they are willing to take those risks, your wife does not want to take that risk.

    I used to ride and wife was fine with it, she had zero problem with it. When she fell pregnant we both agreed it would be best i stopped riding. Riding is fun, but my priorities at the moment are not my hobbies but rather my family. There's plenty of other hobbies i can pick up that don't interfere with that.

    I don't think your wife's request is unreasonable, good luck with it either way.

  • +1

    She doesn't want to be left alone if you die in an accident.

    But she WILL leave you if you buy a bike.

    I see a contradiction there.

    • man doesnt want to be alone
      man will be alone if he buys a bike
      man wants to buy a bike.

      i see a contradiction there.

  • Listening to your wife is like throwing yourself into the ocean

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