What Is Wrong with Me?

John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 03:31
Last edited 09/06/2022 - 03:55

TL;DR Over the last 10 years or so I feel like I've lost the ability to communicate effectively face to face with anyone (even my wife), whether it's for work or social reasons. OZb comments, emails, texts, even phone/video calls seem mostly fine. Anyone experience the same?

I'm in my late 30's, and I've found my verbal and social skills in person, has significantly deteriorated to the point it's probably affecting my career and social relationships.

I actively avoid f2f conversations where possible, because when I'm put in that situation, anything I do or say feels awkward and forced. So this means not attending friend's events, work events etc

The last work event I was volunteered to go to pre covid, we were meant to network and mingle, I just stood in the corner and watched everyone whilst drinking my beer. I suspect I would do something similar if I ever went to an OZb meet up.

Another example for work, was I was recently asked to help man a stall at an Expo interstate, a few days away from the ankle biters sounded great, but I declined, saying I'm a terrible networker/salesperson, would probably to more harm than good, and I was afraid of covid (covid thing conveniently true, wife is giving birth to our 3rd soon).

At school pick up/drop off I don't actively engage any other parents, I see all the other parents chatting away having a great time, but I don't bother. Obviously I will respond when someone talks to me, but it just unintentionally comes out weird and probably not what they expect me to say.

Things I notice happen:

  • I want to say so much in one breath that it all comes out jumbled, verbal diarrhoea almost, I usually mumble or completely lose my train of thought, or forget key "sophisticated" words.

  • I am not quick enough to have a decent debate or argument, just seems like my brain is asleep and I cannot put together a coherent sentence in a reasonable time frame…the moment is lost, almost like George Costanza and his delayed comebacks šŸ˜‚

  • Sometimes I find I have to remind myself to actively listen, make eye contact with the other person otherwise I'll be looking all around, even when I'm actively speaking etc

Most of these things are not required in email or phone, so the issue is far less apparent. I can take my time and think of all the big fancy words I want, in person, I just seem to lose it.

Do I have a physical or psychological issue maybe? Early onset dementia? Or have I just lost practice?

My wife worries that if she dies before me, I'll turn into a full blown hermit and lose touch will all my friends (most of which are high school friends, I've not really made any new friends since)…she actively pushes me to meet up with them, but I almost always find an excuse not to go.

I guess I can go speak to a GP, but I seem mostly fine at the GP in the past šŸ˜‚

Thanks for your time, I'm sure some of you will have a field day, or this post will just fade away with not much notice.

Regards,
DJK

Health & Beauty

Comments

  • rektrading on 09/06/2022 - 04:50
    +25

    Metaverse came just in time.

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 07:42

      I don't get it, sorry.

      • CrispyChrispy on 09/06/2022 - 08:39
        +3

        Facebook Metaverse

      • moar bargains on 09/06/2022 - 12:43
        +11

        He's implying that you will be able to live and make friends online in Facebook's fantasy virtual reality world…

        • Kangal on 10/06/2022 - 22:04
          +4

          But if it's too advanced and too realistic, he's back to square one

          • dcep on 10/06/2022 - 22:38
            +1

            @Kangal: not really , because you can be 190cm Tom Cruise in metaverse , whilst being naked with 2" IRL wearing the headset in basement

            could be self-confidence problem that needs a fix

      • [Deactivated] on 13/06/2022 - 11:30
        -1

        Talk to your doctor about commencing 10mg Escitalopram daily for a month and then possibly moving up to 20mg daily dose. It's technically an SSRI but it is often prescribed for GAD (Generalise Anxiety Disorder). If it works for you, it will give you back your chutzpah.

        • havabeer on 14/06/2022 - 08:57
          +2

          Don't go to your doctor with a 'solution', go and discuss. You're showing avoidance, not anxiety (although the two are certainly linked). As someone who just got off of Escitalopram, I'd rather hit rock bottom than go onto that stuff again.

          Get a mental health plan, and go from there. Look beyond SSRI's if that is the first 'solution' given to you.

          And read!

    • [Deactivated] on 10/06/2022 - 09:07

      nah this is typical gen Z behaviour.

      • rektrading on 10/06/2022 - 09:16

        Zoomers will inherit the šŸŒŽ.

      • Caped Baldy on 10/06/2022 - 10:28

        Maybe. But FB was intended for the youngins but then the oldies took it over.

        • Ruddaga on 10/06/2022 - 14:17

          You mean the youngins aged over 18 years and now the new youngins don't want to use the tech their parents use

  • Sum-Ting Wong on 09/06/2022 - 04:57
    +168

    Welcome to the club

    (Please note there are no club meetings as we are all terrible at social situations and feel much more comfortable keeping to ourselves)

  • Dave Bowman on 09/06/2022 - 06:26
    +42

    I'm a rather introverted guy and share some of those traits, but yours sounds more extreme. Maybe an undiagnosed autism?

    Or perhaps it has something to do with being awake at 3am making forum posts when you could be getting a decent night's sleep.

    • do you exercise?
    • do you take drugs? (especially weed)
    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 07:40
      +1

      Autism? Could be, but I don't think so.

      I was awake because I have the flu, I woke up with a fever again, only had the day cold and flu tablets left…big mistake. šŸ˜‚

      Hardly exercise since kids, put on a bit of weight since covid.

      I do know I need to exercise again.

      No drugs except booze.

      • Muzeeb on 09/06/2022 - 08:13
        +37

        No drugs except booze.

        Is that like…

        35% off storewide (excludes apple and DJI)

      • meong on 10/06/2022 - 13:57
        +5

        hey, i felt the same…

        i'm in my late 30s as well…

        i used to ride my bike to work 3 times per week pre-covid and was a much bubblier person and very quick to respond to conversation.

        i noticed that this got worse since covid which likely due to being isolated through many lockdowns and also being unhealthy.

        i find that ever since i start exercising again i get a more constant blood flow to the brain and overcome those verbal diarrhoea situations.

        perhaps try going back to exercising/losing weight? i find that as i age, poor physical habit can immediately have an effect on other aspects (unhappy for no reason, tired for no reason, unwilling to do anything for no reason) which may seem like a depressive episode but most times can be overcome by getting back to exercising again…

        if i maintain exercise usually it helps me go through my daily problems anyway..

        also, poor quality sleep over several days will lead to this poor cognitive ability as well…

      • cameldownunder on 12/06/2022 - 17:11
        +3

        Noticed that everyone here in OZ-Land are supper keen to attribute Autism, OCD, ADHD ….. to anyone
        Lack of sleep can have severe impact, and sleeping needs to be learned.
        My Diagnosis: You are tired, lack of sleep. And one night good sleep does not fix it.

      • BluebirdV on 13/06/2022 - 20:30
        +1

        I have Aspergers and what you describe sounds just like me.

    • Benoffie on 09/06/2022 - 09:38
      +10

      Was going to suggest Autism. As Autistics age our traits begin to change. Dealing with people and sensory issues is a big one. We simply have less patience for it.

      There's no harm in seeking a professional opinion. But before you do, take the RAADS test. Do it properly as it is the only online test Psychologists take seriously.

      https://www.aspietests.org/raads/

      • WhyAmICommenting on 09/06/2022 - 21:01
        +4

        This is really interesting, Iā€™ve always been one who preferred ear plugs at concerts mainly because I wanted to protect my hearing.

        But these days with two young kids, the noise they make just exhausts me in minutes. Iā€™ve constantly got to use NC headphones or earplugs or something to cope. Especially with my 3yo who sounds to me like heā€™s yelling all the time.

        • Matt P on 09/06/2022 - 23:07
          +3

          I hear this. My 6 year old seems like he is turned up to 11 a lot of the time. Have resorted to headphones, going for a walk/ride or going to Coles haha

      • DoUKnowTheMuffinMan on 10/06/2022 - 10:23
        +1

        Took the test and scored 70…. not sure how to take this šŸ˜„

        • Benoffie on 10/06/2022 - 15:55
          +2

          That's ok. When I took it (after someone suggested I might be Autistic), I scored over 160. Ended up getting assessed and scored my DSM Level 2 badge! Win!

          For more of a breakdown on how it all works - https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/

      • John Kimble on 10/06/2022 - 16:36

        Doesn't seem to work for me on mobile, will have to try desktop at some point. šŸ‘

        • shreav on 10/06/2022 - 19:22
          +3

          I think it could be sleeplessness. Do you snore? Maybe you should get checked out for sleep apnea. If you're getting 8 hours of rest but not falling into deep sleep, that could dramatically affect your mood, alertness and possibly your cognitive ability or reaction?

          You might also have developed some kind of anxiety or depression. I suggest you speak to your GP and perhaps get a referral to a psychologist. And at least get tested for sleep apnea.

  • garetz on 09/06/2022 - 06:48
    +32

    If you don't use it you lose it, I am sure this has happened to pretty much everyone in the last 2 years to varying degrees. Take it easy, and over time it will come back with more socialising, don't stress as that will probably end up making it worse. When you find yourself doing that jumbled speech, stop take a deep breath and just talk slowly.

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 07:44
      +2

      I'm actually super laid back generally, don't really worry or stress about much (except getting bargains for useless junk), my wife hates it, it's why she thinks I will outlive her…we'll see about that! šŸ˜‚

    • Scrooge McDuck on 10/06/2022 - 01:25
      +11

      If you don't use it you lose it,

      Not true!

      It's still there. *phew*

    • tril3mma on 10/06/2022 - 06:43
      +1

      I second this and agree that isolation has effected everyoneā€™s social ability. Anecdotally I have noticed more school aged kids struggling to make conversation and some coworkers at functions looking uncomfortable.

      I personally have felt anxiety a handful of times in social settings when I never did pre-Covid. So I would keep this in mind and try to practise f2f conversation. You are not alone mate (Y)

  • Tiredman on 09/06/2022 - 06:53
    +27

    You sound like me. lol. And i freaking enjoy it. I like spending time with wife and kids though. Anything outside that is a chore to me but i'm self employed and work from home so suits me. Maybe i'm anti social but I just can't deal with the bullshit from other people anymore.

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 07:36
      +4

      I do enjoy spending time with my wife and kids (I think), I just can't verbally communicate with them (or anyone) that well most of the time.

      I was hoping I could try and take steps to reduce or eliminate it, so I don't inadvertently pass this behaviour onto them (being sponges and all).

      At the moment they're fine, kids and I were waiting for a takeaway order the other night, and they talked to (yelled excitedly) another customer about anything and everything who was also waiting. He found it quite amusing.

      • WhyAmICommenting on 09/06/2022 - 21:02
        +3

        I think itā€™s normal for other people to be more amused by our kids than we are - we have them for many many more hours ;)

    • Brianqpr on 10/06/2022 - 12:06
      +2

      Same. I don't feel the need to go out and meet new people. Happy enough with home/family and bantering with work colleagues. That said I've always loved being in packed sports stadiums or gigs with a great atmosphere and spent a lot of time at UK football grounds when I lived there. Also loved the pubs over there in those days.

      I just don't really get a lot out of socialising, my voice actually gets a bit raspy if I talk a lot, probably because I don't usually do it. Some people live for it, and good for them. Others don't need it and shouldn't feel like that is wrong.

  • [Deactivated] on 09/06/2022 - 07:01
    -4

    Yes.

  • EightImmortals on 09/06/2022 - 07:04
    +8

    Get off facebook and twitter. How do you expect to communicate with real people if you've been limiting your interactions to electronic communication your whole life? Don't be afraid to go see a psychologist, there are whole books crammed full of new mental issues that have arisen because of the plague of technology that has taken over a lot of people's lives. They will have techniques to help you.

    Join toastmasters.

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 07:48
      +6

      You know what, I'm barely on FB anymore, my friends are rarely on it, so kind of reduces its lure. Hardly on Twitter. I scroll Instagram on occasion.

      I'm actually on here, refreshing the forums and deals the most. There should be a self exclusion program I can sign up to. I tried the phone apps that lock access after certain time, didn't work.

      I do get what you're saying though.

      I do have an addictive personality, I have to funnel it somewhere that doesn't do too much damage, at the moment it's OZb. šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™‚ļø

      Exercise should probably be that "somewhere" if I'm being honest.

      • EightImmortals on 09/06/2022 - 08:59
        +1

        Fair enough, knowing our own issues is the first step. :)

        All the best, you can do it and there are plenty of people out there to help you.

      • huggsymersh on 11/06/2022 - 16:34

        "Exercise should probably be that "somewhere" if I'm being honest."

        Yep. Getting the body in motion tends to quieten an anxious mind and soothe other worries/issues. Don't have to start big. Do a 5 min jog. Slowly increase, if you find yourself enjoying it. No real loss if you don't like it. Don't need to commit to anything. Good for you as well as those around you!

  • 7ekn00 on 09/06/2022 - 07:05
    +7

    Get B12, B6, D3, K2 and Iron tested - most of the western world is low in K2, D3 and B12 :/

    • Kangal on 10/06/2022 - 22:09
      +1

      Also eat a lot of nutrient-rich foods, drink more water, once a week go for a cardio session (when your heart is racing, lungs aching, and on the floor breath = that's when you know your body is doing well)

  • Jimothy Wongingtons on 09/06/2022 - 07:07
    +8

    Iā€™m similar to u op but Iā€™m fine when Iā€™m in control of the situation but even more weird:

    If Iā€™m in a situation where ā€¦how can I say this - Iā€™m in control Of the social interaction? Im fine. Iā€™ve worked sales roles for all my life involving a lot of f2f and when someone comes to talk to me Iā€™m fine - perfectly comfortable and articulate. Or with my misso and kids - no problem. But in a networking event for work or normal social where I need to mingle and someone asks me for instance about myself like what do u do for fun or tell me about yourself I start sweating insanely, verbal diarrhoea and just a general awkwardness feeling takes over so I end up in the corner with my beer too. I actively avoid these types of social interactions now.

    I am sometimes sure I. Must have some form of ā€¦ autism or similar. Definitely something else going on in my subconscious.

    Edit: after googling below yeah itā€™s prob social anxiety ā€¦ doesnā€™t explain why Iā€™m not affected by certain people or in other certain situations though.

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 07:55
      +6

      It could be social anxiety? But I don't feel the traditional symptoms of nerves, I just can't speak well šŸ˜‚

      Public speaking, well yeah, nerves and all that, but haven't really had to do that since high school.

      • RandomNinja on 09/06/2022 - 08:01
        +4

        My initial though after reading your post sounds like social anxiety. If you don't think a GP would help, does your work provide an EAP that you could speak with?

      • moar bargains on 09/06/2022 - 13:08
        +9

        Congrats on baby number three :)

        My first thought was "You sound like a normal bloke" šŸ˜ It could just be that you are a little out of practice, and I think there is a tendency to "over diagnose" things like this in the modern western world. That said, my second thought was Social Anxiety. My wife has it, and there are a range of different presentations of it, but a lot of it is feeling awkward in social situations and that the people are judging you and what you say etc. It commonly results in having trouble speaking to people, and often ruminating on it afterwards (playing the situation over in your head and feeling foolish about what you said/didn't say etc).

        I'd suggest speak to a psychologist or counselor if you can. Your work may offer a service to speak with someone? Otherwise speak to a GP and they can refer you. It may take trying a few to find one you click with (somewhat) as well.

        I would also recommend reading the book "The Worry Cure" by Robert L. Leahy. It was a pretty good read and gave me a range of really useful insights when my wife was really struggling with this. I was also recommended "The Thing You Think You Cannot Do: Thirty Truths about Fear and Courage" Book by Gordon Livingston, but haven't read it, so can't vouch for it.

        Hope that helps!

      • Dreamcast on 09/06/2022 - 17:46
        +2

        I was going to ask if it were anxiety. Used to have it real bad in public. Hyper ventilate on trains, shopping mall food court etc. Everyone assumed I was confident. I hid it well. I finally changed in my mid 20's.

        I'm also now in my late 30's and I've been thinking the same thing. What has happened. I was doing so well. I have everything in mind I want to say and when I go to say it, I think wth is coming out of my mouth. Now after every conversation I have, I criticise what I've said.

        What an interesting post to read. Question, do you have sporadic moments where you're on fire and everything you want to communicate comes out perfect or is it constant verbal diarrhoea?

        Would be curious to see how you dig your way out. Especially in your case, where you're in a relationship.

        • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 18:14
          +1

          Most of the time, in my head I can hear what my brain is telling my mouth to say, but then it just comes out all jumbled. It's not like it's gibberish, it still makes sense, it just doesn't come out as intelligent/sophisticated as I imagined it (or can construct much better via written communication) šŸ˜‚

          • Dreamcast on 09/06/2022 - 19:35

            @John Kimble: Definitely keeping an eye out for future posts. I thought I was dreaming when I read your post.

            I hope you find your eloquence back.

      • Brianqpr on 10/06/2022 - 12:08
        +1

        Most people hate public speaking tbf, even many normally outgoing/extrovert types.

        • John Kimble on 10/06/2022 - 12:51

          Yeah, that I'm not worried about.

          It's that most of the time I can't have a normal conversation with my wife, kids or close friends effectively, because the words are not coming out of my mouth the way my brain wants them to.

    • StonedWizard on 09/06/2022 - 08:36
      +4

      @Jimothy Wongingtons - I am the same as you. Very introverted meeting new people, but extroverted around my friends and people I'm comfortable with.

      @John Kimble a good exercise, is to force yourself to try and talk to someone in a social setting, even if it's just something simple as "hi" etc.

      If your office allows hot design, then sit somewhere different and strike up a tiny conversation with the people around you. Just keep it short and simple and then go from there, you're essentially training yourself to be more extroverted.

      Are you still close with your high school friends?

      If you have a group chat, send a message and make plans to meet up. Force yourself to go, don't shy away from attending.

    • whatwasherproblem on 09/06/2022 - 12:47
      +4

      doesnā€™t explain why Iā€™m not affected by certain people or in other certain situations though.

      You're probably fine, bro.

      If you're actively avoiding the unrehearsed improv situations where you need to converse with a stranger and be quick on your feet with your replies and establishing rapport, then of course you're going to be out of practice at doing it. It's just like any other skill; you haven't been doing it much lately, so you're out of practice. With the Covid lockdowns you're not alone, I assure you.

      You're better with rehearsed social situations where you're leading the conversation according to some script, and you're better socially with people who you spend most of your time around because you can easily gauge their mood/responses/conversation timings and adjust accordingly on-the-fly. However, you're out of practice when it comes to improv conversations with strangers where you have neither of those aforementioned advantages and you've atrophied on all of the social skills that you'd normally use to fill in the gaps. That's all it is.

      • Jimothy Wongingtons on 09/06/2022 - 13:49
        +5

        That ..is exceedingly insightful and makes sense.

        My current role is mainly as a sales manager but a lot of it is dealing with people on phone/email and in person. A lot of it is usually day-to-day same people but also deal with total randoms ranging from builders, sparkys, home owners, designers, consultants, architects, project managers etc but you are right - although its all free-form its all within a relatively structured format and always about the same thing that I know inside and out like the back of my hand - LED lighting / electrical.

        But the minute I have to go socialise with customers at events and they're like so what do you do in your down time?
        Me: oh god, what DO i do in my down time? *profusely sweating *

        Or at a friends party - oh hey jimmo, this is my mate, X, you guys have lots of interests in common!
        Me: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

        • cookie2 on 11/06/2022 - 22:37
          +1

          I feel you and you most definitely are not alone!

    • SimAus007 on 09/06/2022 - 15:52
      +1

      It's common to feel anxious around certain people and not others, it depends on whether you panic based on your previous interactions with them, if it's someone you are very comfortable with, such as a partner, you generally don't panic with anxiety because you aren't overthinking the "what if" or "what will I say", the accute stress response of fight-or-flight kicks in with those we aren't genuinely close/comfortable with.

      • cookie2 on 11/06/2022 - 22:39

        I find the ones you're supposed to be comfortable with are hard and the strangers are easy. The ones you're truely close with are not hard but they're very few and far between.

        • SimAus007 on 16/06/2022 - 10:09

          Agreed, that's what I meant to say, the ones you are very close with (not usually more than 1 or two of those for me) are the easy ones.

  • mapax on 09/06/2022 - 07:16
    +16

    The internet broke society and youā€™ve come to the realistion that society is now largely made up of overly emotional perma-children and wasting time on interacting with them is just that, a waste of time?

    Seriously though, it sounds like you have social anxiety. According to a psychologist neighbour covid lockdowns and wfh has made it far worse for people in their 20s-30s, particularly white and Asian men for whatever reason.

    This will trigger the junk food addicted types, but diet and exercise can help, a lot. Cut out all processed foods, decrease the carbs, increase eggs, increase green veg and increase clean meat.

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 07:59
      +2

      You're absolutely right. Maybe I do need to take a break from the forums.

      My wife is often annoyed why I spend so much time taking to strangers on the internet, even half jokingly asking if I'm having an affair with someone…but that's a completely different can of worms for another day…

      • ShannonN on 09/06/2022 - 08:43
        +2

        if you can't leave off ozbargain for a few weeks, contact scotty and have him ban you from connecting for 2 weeks , that'll force you to live a normal life, invite nieghbours over for bbq etc

      • moar bargains on 09/06/2022 - 12:51
        +3

        Please open this can another day. Tomorrow doesn't look busy for me? šŸ˜

  • Puglife on 09/06/2022 - 07:19
    +24

    I can't comment on your issue but it does seem like many people these days seem socially awkward or have some form of social anxiety.
    I just thought I would acknowledge your raw honesty in your words. Even though it's only in a forum I think its still difficult and I commend you for that. I think the only way to really change is to admit something is wrong and seek help. I hope you get some good tips or advice from others. So even though I can't assist with this matter I felt you deserved some recognition for your honesty.

  • AustriaBargain on 09/06/2022 - 07:22

    Could be aphasia, did you hit your head or have a massive headache or anything 10 years ago? Though unlikely you probably shouldn't rule out that something happened to your brain. Happens to millions of people every day and has been happening for millions of years.

    • mapax on 09/06/2022 - 07:26
      +1

      Itā€™s not aphasia, itā€™s not aphasia!
      Wait that doesnā€™t sound correctā€¦

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 07:28

      I have trouble remembering stuff from last week, let alone if I hit my head 10 years ago…but maybe that's the reason šŸ˜”šŸ˜‚

      • AustriaBargain on 09/06/2022 - 07:32

        But you can talk fluently on the phone? Long sentences like you could 10+ years ago, you don't avoid longer or difficult to say words while speaking on the phone?

        • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 07:37

          Yeah, on the phone it doesn't seem to happen as much.

          10 years ago I believe I didn't have this issue, just because I don't remember it happening, but I would be guessing.

          • AustriaBargain on 09/06/2022 - 07:40
            +4

            @John Kimble: You could try these guys, it's like a club for people who want to get better at public speaking https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toastmasters_International

            I think there are significant fees, the revenue to member ratio says about $100 a year, but if you work it should be manageable.

            • yokel on 10/06/2022 - 13:58

              @AustriaBargain: Yep Toastmasters is the way to go. If you go and you donā€™t enjoy it, visit a different club. All these issues you think you have can be certainly be overcome with practice and taking onboard what evaluators would have to say.

              • AustriaBargain on 10/06/2022 - 14:04

                @yokel: And even if someone had some kind of mild brain injury in the past which changed how they talked, something like Toastmasters would still help improve talking ability and maybe even get you even better at public speaking than you ever have before.

          • Kangal on 10/06/2022 - 22:12
            +1

            @John Kimble: Just logged in to show my support. PM if there's something I could do. With the Toastmasters suggestion, don't do it, it's a waste of time for someone like yourself.

  • Dogs on 09/06/2022 - 07:52

    Youre not alone buddhists years ago preferred to use sign language rather than talking.

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 08:24
      +1

      I saw selective mutism was a thing, but don't think it applies to me. Selective hearing maybe…

  • sjj89 on 09/06/2022 - 08:02
    +3

    See a psych mate.
    Helps a lot

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 08:27

      Been to a psychologist (Medicare subsidised) a couple of times for something else, but I'm too tight to keep seeing them…šŸ˜”

      I think I have 4 left though, unless they've expired.

      • voteoften on 09/06/2022 - 09:24
        +6

        The mental health Medicare visits replenish yearly. You do need a gp referral each time.
        I think some insurance companies have increased what they cover.
        I second the thought you should get tested for vitamin D deficiency.
        Look up ā€œMeetupā€. Find something that interests you and attend.
        Volunteer to help others. Watch Jordan Peterson, get his books on audible.
        Go to a mens shed and make something and-or learn a new skill.
        Go to the gym at least 4 times a week
        Donā€™t listen to woke nonsense about how men are bad or toxic. They arenā€™t. Masculinity and the patriarchy are good and necessary for a functioning society. (Iā€™m a female).

        If all of these I think that the two that might help most, are vitamin D and learning a new skill, preferably a manly skill something that you need to lift things and require physicality.

        • jrowls on 09/06/2022 - 20:12
          +12

          this is an utterly ridiculous comment, aside from the stuff about GP referrals and your psych visits replenishing.

          our man here is dealing with an undiagnosed mental issue. jordan peterson's 'clean your room' style of 'self help' is just a coping mechanism that plasters over underlying problems. exercise and diet and deficiencies are all things that everyone should do more of.

          where the hell did you bring 'woke' 'toxic' 'masculinity' and 'manliness' into the equation from? it's not only irrelevant, but actually damaging. people suggesting men who are reaching out should suck it up, stick their head down the alt-right rabbit hole, and take up woodchopping are part of the problem, not the solution. OP needs to seek professional help and therapy and reach out to his friends and family and engage with them. it's nothing to do with gender or 'wokeness' or 'toxicity', there was absolutely nothing in his post to suggest this was the case.

          and finally just because i like to do my anti-peterson public service for anyone else reading this; the way that jordan peterson (and his ilk) put personal responsibility at the centre of their philosophy is ideological, it is not scientific. it's also very much not helpful (and sometimes harmful) to people facing issues that they actually can't fix themselves (hint: that's a lot of issues). if you, OP, or anyone else would like to learn more about psychology in a way that is applicable to your life (and supported by science), i would suggest two much more well-written and well-researched books:

          • if you're more interested in a non-fiction, theory-based book: thinking fast and thinking slow - daniel kahneman. very very very interesting and well-written. oh yeah and kahneman is a nobel prize winner and is basically the father of modern behavioural economics.
          • if you're more interested in a self-help (CBT) style book: change your thinking - sarah edelman. super practical and easy to apply in your life.

          but hey, if the idea of social darwinism appeals to you, if you missed out on the strict religious parents experience and feel hard done by, or if you like the simplicity and subservience of the ten commandments but want a more abstractly-religious, 21st early 20th century approach, maybe peterson is for you!

          • connorlo on 10/06/2022 - 09:09
            +5

            @jrowls: @jrowls, think your over killing it on the Peterson stuff. What I get from Peterson's 'clean up your own room' statement, is focus on your own issues first, and then look at helping others/the world. No where do I get the idea that he is saying do it yourself, don't seek help, its all on you…. no i see it as sort out your own issues first, whether that be by your self or external help to do so is fine. But I guess everyone can interrupt it differently.

            Still + your post for the suggestions of books

            • jrowls on 10/06/2022 - 09:31
              +2

              @connorlo: fair play, each to their own and thanks for engaging - but it's worth noting that peterson is very much on the conservative / culture wars / identity politics side of the political spectrum and his self help books (whilst harmless (ish) in a vacuum) definitely support this.

              obviously he isn't going to explicitly say 'you shouldn't seek external help', but an ideology centred around tradition, the value of 'man', focusing on the self and the family unit etc etc is inherently exclusionary to ideologies that support broader society and its promotion of things like welfare, social infrastructure, universal healthcare etc etc etc. his views tie in very neatly with hustle culture and capitalism/neoliberalism more broadly.

              if you wanted to write a fake book to use as the canonical basis for the society in your dystopia, his rules would also make for a very compliant workforce. anyway that's enough posting hot takes, i have work to do lmao

              • Aneurism on 10/06/2022 - 10:31
                +1

                @jrowls: Jordan Peterson is a psychologist, so your assertion that he doesn't recommend seeking external help when required doesn't really add up.

                His views and writings are just an opinion and selected offerings of his thoughts that some people are aligned with. People can decide for themselves whether they like agree with the content.

                • jrowls on 10/06/2022 - 10:47
                  +1

                  @Aneurism:

                  Jordan Peterson is a psychologist, so your assertion that he doesn't recommend seeking external help when required doesn't really add up.

                  external help from a psychologist or self-help book is still an individualist approach to what are often societal problems.

                  His views and writings are just an opinion and selected offerings of his thoughts that some people are aligned with. People can decide for themselves whether they like agree with the content.

                  i don't imagine that anyone could agree with what you've written here, nor did i indicate otherwise. everything that i wrote is just an opinion that some people are aligned with. people can decide for themselves whether they agree with me.

                • MontyMacaw on 13/06/2022 - 22:58
                  -1

                  @Aneurism: 1) Jordan Peterson writes books. 2) Jordan Peterson promotes his books using gullible conservative concepts to appeal to his market. Anything else he claims to be are only there to support the 2 points above. Following his dogmatic diatribe is dangerous for your health.

              • trapper on 13/06/2022 - 10:26
                +1

                @jrowls:

                obviously he isn't going to explicitly say 'you shouldn't seek external help'

                You do know Peterson is a clinical psychologist right? Giving people 'external help' is literally his life's work.

          • echelon6 on 10/06/2022 - 09:51
            +1

            @jrowls: nah peterson is right

            clean ur room
            pull urself together
            bootstraps
            do or die

          • mlburnian on 10/06/2022 - 20:44
            -5

            @jrowls: There is nothing scientific about psychology
            https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/11/psycholoā€¦

          • bakemon0 on 11/06/2022 - 10:53
            +2

            @jrowls: great books suggestions, I wanna add The Happiness Trap which is based on acceptance commitment therapy

        • RPGPlayer on 10/06/2022 - 14:08
          -1

          Great advice, except for this part

          "Donā€™t listen to woke nonsense about how men are bad or toxic. They arenā€™t. Masculinity and the patriarchy are good and necessary for a functioning society. (Iā€™m a female)"

          and this part "preferably a manly skill something that you need to lift things and require physicality"

          Lifting and tasks that require physicality are not gender-specific.

          Thanks

  • deme on 09/06/2022 - 08:11
    +14

    See a GP this is too serious for OzBargain

  • Caped Baldy on 09/06/2022 - 08:11
    +7

    Saw the post title. Got my hopes up it was one of two people here…

    Sorry, you're going through this mate. I don't know exactly the solution but it is a big step seeking help.

    • John Kimble on 09/06/2022 - 08:41
      +3

      Trying guess who…there are a few that come to mind…

      SlavOz?
      Peeltheonion?
      Pam?
      jv?

      • Caped Baldy on 09/06/2022 - 08:43
        +2

        I was thinking 1 and 3. 4 is a good one but they're a purposeful troll

      • DarkOz on 09/06/2022 - 10:00
        +1

        Can't be 3. Pam will never admit that she is at fault! It's always someone else but her.

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