There's a whole backstory but it's one of those really hard to swallow ones: it involves an emergency call from the security team informing me that an intruder had been detected in the lab and that they would appreciate if I could get there ASAP. I do …in my superman suit.
8 hours later, I have my appraisal and I cry. One of my appraiser offers me a box of tissue :(
So what is your most embarrassing work story? Might cheer me up a little.
Thanks!
JJB
I am happy with my original title. Trust my judgement.
Zombie JJB will get plenty of opportunities to look into your 'big brown eyes', and possibly eat your brains - I am yet to decide.
@Jar Jar Binks
There are few humans - alive, dead, or half-dead, that I look less like than David Carradine.
Other than a bit of grey evident in the whiskers and only then past a three-day-growth, no other grey hair of note, either - yet. (Thanks Mum's-side genes)
When the time comes, JJB, I will stipulate some say in casting when the rights are sold, and I will the one who chooses the suitably suitable 'silver fox' to play me, thankyou very much.
Calm down, Jar Jar.
I will talk to your strangely excitable Zombie-self, tomorrow, if the spirit moves.
Go and do something useful, or fun, in the meantime.
Permission for that to include whatsherface.
I was having such fun with the game too! Oh well, I guess I'll just suggest an actress to play your part. See if you find any similarities with a younger version of this somewhat exotic actress
@Tas: How about we all wear mask to hide our true identity? This could be the moneyshot. If we do decide to go with this idea, we cannot must not allow the movie to be distributed in Germany or Hong kong. It might make my real father-in-law cry :(
Whatsherface aka Bambi Aka The Biotch aka all-the-other-nicknames-you've-given-me (you're really growing fond of me, aren't you?) aka wiki aka moi , needs to go home. I still have dishes in the dishwasher from 2 nights ago :/ The twins have collapsed on the couch from sheer excitement and exhaustion from the day. Darthie and Bonnie are busy making kittens and Ewok , my trusty bodyguard, is walking me home. Looks like JJB will have to entertain himself tonight.
my lovely childhood memories of that movie
There's a scene in there Miss Dior that I have never been able to watch. That movie is already very disturbing as is.
Back at work are you JJB? You forgot it's the weekend? A little bit of research and less development or is it really the sleuth in you showing itself? A question that had me pondering and required much thought over dinner and the results of my morning's work: my weekly treat, this time a homemade salted caramel semifreddo. Yum! Must stop at one slice, any more and I will have to spend more time than I have available at the gym. Surely I could wear it off gardening instead?
An actress… hmmm… For looks or character? OK I'll bite. Perhaps Calista Flockhart could carry off the role. I wonder if she would accept if it required her to put on some weight? Perhaps not… Would we have enough money in the budget then for Ms Julia Roberts? We are all so unique, but surely an actress who could play such diverse roles as Erin Brockovich, Runaway Bride and the protagonist in Grisham's The Pelican Brief would have the ability to capture my uniqueness? No sting in the tail intended and since no PMing is allowed, note the similarities for both actresses chosen, at least partially, for the same reason as my choice for the part of Wiki. Now surely I have provided more information than I had intended and certainly than you needed (or wanted?) to know. Like Wiki I am not much of an internet sharer. I see beyond looks and "doings" of life. You are likely to learn more about me from what I comment on than I am likely to share. To each their own. That said, I do admire your confidence to reach out, share and allow vulnerabilities to show. If there were more of it, we may have fewer problems in this world. Then all we would need is more compassion, as Wiki alluded to earlier.
Selective memory Wiki. I only remember the good bits. Now if I could only bottle that ability I would have a product I could wholesale to psychologists everywhere.
@Miss Dior: He's not back at work. He's had to carry the twins to bed. They've both fell asleep on the couch and we couldn't wake them up.Between helping me with spring cleaning and then running off to the beach to wash off "the sweat" they've worked up from lifting a few boxes or taking a few things out to the curb (rinse,repeat x least 10 times) no wonder they are exhausted. * eye rolls
I like Julia Roberts. I always thought she had a kind yet sexy smile. So totally you, Miss Dior!
That semi-freddo sounds so good. If you can stop at one slice, then you're a stronger woman that I am.
Edit:
I do admire your confidence to reach out, share and allow vulnerabilities to show.
He's not like that in real life. He is very reserved. Up until he found ozbargain , I was his only confidante. Now I read about his day or things that has happened to him on here before he even tells me about it. There's a part of me that is a little crushed that I've been so easily replaced :( He's still the one I call when I have a bad day and need cheering up or just need to talk to a friend. But I can also see that this is helping him. He looks so much happier than I've seen him in a really long time :)
Try not to be crushed. We all have our coping mechanisms. It's obvious which one he prefers. There will come a day when OzB will be nothing but a distant memory for him. He will decide when that is, and when that day truly comes he will stick with it, he is that strong willed. He might even just replace "this" habit with another. You might want to have a couple of ideas for new habits ready for when that time comes.
@Miss Dior: I can't believe how happy I've been these past 2 days. Yet, the minute she walks out, she takes the light with her and the colours. Everything is exactly the way she left it and yet nothing is the same when she's not here.
There are some good news. Wiki and I have gone over the options that I have when she won't be here. All but one of those options are to accept our relatives' help , to varying degrees, with raising the twins. My sister-in-law and her fiancé have offered to take them in. So have wiki's parents and surprisingly enough, my father. I say surprisingly because he never made much of an effort to raise me, his son, or be a part of my life when I was the twins' age.So why insist so much on being a part of my kids' life now?
To be fair, he has only offered to move back to South Africa (I might be moving to Cape Town in 9-12 months' time) and move in with me and the kids.Maybe he's offering his services as a babysitter?
As for SIL , I like her and she loves the twins but she's only offering out of a misguided sense of duty. She and her fiance are young and in love. They shouldn't have to raise other people's kids. It wouldn't be fair to take up their offer.
Wiki's parents were the only ones I remotely considered sharing custody with. I feel for them. They are the only one who will be able to comprehend the depth of my children's loss: losing a child is the most terrible thing in the world but losing a mother must come a close second. Sometime I talk to my mother-in-law on Viber, usually due to one of the kid's insistence or because I can't get out of it. We talk about the weather, the kids, how the garden's coming along but mostly about the weather.She speaks fluent English but we have so little in common. In between those mundane words,however, I can feel her immense pain, her agony and her desire to have something, someone replace the gaping hole that wiki will leave behind when she will no longer be here. Maybe that is the real reason why we have such stilted conversation , not because we have so little in common but because I know she wants the twins and I know that I can't give them to her and she knows it too.
I don't know how my father did it. Maybe it is easier to abandon your child when they are 4 than when they are 6 and 1/2? Maybe it is easier to abandon one child than 2? Somehow I doubt it. I may have this man's blood coursing through my veins but I'm not him. He is weak; I am not.
I did promise some good news, didn't I? I have one option left and that is to be their father and to raise them. When you have only 1 option left, it is no longer an option : it is just what you have to do.No more what if I'm not good enough, no more second-guessing and no more being caught in a limbo. That in itself is a relief.We also have an action-plan and I've already set a few balls rolling :) I have a follow-up appointment with my psychologist on Tuesday. I don't like him. I find him to be quite condescending. So I'm going to cancel my appointment with him and see someone else, an ex-lecturer of Wiki. He's agreed to see me first thing Monday morning. I'm supposed to bring my journal along but I've mostly been writing about things I've been doing and what I had for lunch than what I've been thinking or feeling. Hopefully, he's an ozbargainer and has already read my posts, otherwise he's going to have a lot of catching up to do :/
The other good news is that I have found the right candidate to join our team. she's formidable; a dragoness , the kind that you want on your side. I poached her in-house. She is terribly undervalued where she is and can't wait to join us.I couldn't be more stoked :) She'll take some of the heat off me and I'll be able to spend more time with wiki and the twins.
More good news, you say? OK. Wiki just texted me that she can't sleep and she's coming over to "watch a movie". At 12.40 a.m? Well, we all know what that mean: that woman is addicted to me :-D
Edit: She brought The eternal sunshine of the spotless mind DVD. she said something you wrote earlier reminded her of this movie. Well, looks like we're watching a movie then….
Nothing the same? Then convince yourself she is in another room, perhaps quietly doing what she does when she gets some alone time (rare as that is for a Mum and wife).
Apologies in advance, I simply can’t reply succinctly to your post, so choose your time before reading on since I’m about to use up a good portion of my 8000 words per day. Re your options, especially your Father. I like to think that we are all doing the best we can at a certain point in time. When we know better we do better. I don’t believe that we get up in the morning determined to do nothing more than second best all day. With this in mind, give your Father the benefit of the doubt. He has grown many decades since your birth and learnt. Don’t expect perfection though. Talk through the realities of any options with him and be prepared for mistakes on both sides. Clarify with him what he is truly offering.
I have found that in life it really doesn’t matter if I try to resist a change. One way or another if I am meant to be somewhere, doing something, one way or another God gets me there, even if I add a few human obstacles in his way. Just my feedback, as someone to bounce things off, but SIL does sound as though it is not the right stage of her life for this. Now, Wiki’s Mum, give careful thought to her, to both Wiki’s parents. She did, after all, raise a very special daughter. A much older family member has always said that when one parent passes, it is quite different to separation. They believe, and I do too, that somewhere new strength is given to the remaining parent and they become quite capable of things that they would not otherwise have the ability to do. Perhaps your darling wife will release her energy to you and you will find strengths you didn’t know you had. Her parents will have love and a compassion for you that you could not imagine, especially if you make the choice to share your life and that of your children with them. All the more so when they know you could have made other choices and had other options. You will be surprised I think. By way of life experience my own Father was best mates with his MIL and she just adored him. They had one major thing in common, a hobby, but the glue that tied them together was respect and an appreciation of my Mother’s parents that he treated (and still does) my Mother well. Don’t underestimate the value of your treatment of Wiki to them. I am so saddened to understand that Wiki really does have a fight ahead of her. My hope was that it was founded in the mental and recoverable. I still hope and pray that it is recoverable. There is an old meaning to “going home” that I didn’t attribute to her, and your, words. I understand her desire to protect all of you, but life experience is what it is, no need to lessen the experience and time together of your (or Wiki’s) own accord. Don’t let any opportunity go by to be together, or you and your children will regret this in the many years to come. No you are not weak, only a fool would think that. True strength resides within and you are yet to discover how strong you can be. You can do this on your own, but you don’t have to. Remember that this is another life experience opening up for the twins, they will learn from it. Let your heart lead you to the destination. If you are intended to be in South Africa or Mauritius, you may put obstacles there, but one way or another that is where you will end up and you will wonder why you fought it. Never forget that miracles really do happen.
Yes, change psychologists. Change and change again if you must until you find the right person for you. Even then they may be right for a long time, then something may tell you that they are no longer right and again you need to move on. Just give each one of them adequate time until you know for sure. As for your journal, even that writing will provide food for discussion, so just use your journal as you need for you. This book may help or this.
Glad you found a new team member. That workplace sounds like an oasis for you (even if not for Wiki and others that don’t share your passion for your work). The value of this in the days ahead also cannot be underestimated. How you decide to live your life will shape the rest of the twins’ lives. All your decisions can be changed, so you will not make a mistake. One last thought – have you considered asking the twins what they would like? Their intuition is acute at this age and they would always know that you involved them and respected them to include them in the decisions. Set the boundaries and let them know in advance that the final decision has to be yours, because you have more life experience and not because they are children. There are worse things to be addicted to. I know it was the company and not the movie that you were focused on.
@pointscrazy: MD references a previous comment by herself about girly-average, spoken, daily - if I recall accurately, maybe not.
Google 're-search' references a multiple. Either way and aka, it is talkcrazy.
Word-limit on OzBargain? I don't think so, but probably should be.
@Jar Jar Binks + @Miss Dior: TL;DR
AT;AL (Alright That's; A Lie)
@Jar Jar Binks: HH;JJ (Holy Hell; Jar Jar)
TM;IS (Too Much; It's Sunday)
SH;IT (Ok… That Just Spells Shit)
Wherever Wiki is DJ'ing from, and wherever you are relative to the venue, I'm sure that you will continue to be a great Dad.
@Tas : How about we all wear mask to hide our true identity? This could be the moneyshot. If we do decide to go with this idea, we cannot must not allow the movie to be distributed in Germany or Hong kong. It might make my real father-in-law cry :(
That bit of photoshop is just silly.
Whatsherface aka Bambi Aka The Biotch aka all-the-other-nicknames-
you've-given-me (you're really growing fond of me, aren't you?)
Sweetheart, Princess,
The Force had been used for Good and not Evil
You may well have turned out to be somewhat less mischievous
Maybe.
Certainly less trouble for a certain other Star Wars character.
Ok, again, Maybe.
Look, just TRY to be a Good Girl.
@Tas:
Is the last pic one of Amy Schumer from her GQ photoshoot? The kids are here and I rather not have to explain why she's erm doing what she's doing . It would be awkward and might totally ruin their childhood.
@Tas:
Word-limit on OzBargain? I don't think so, but probably should be.
Ouch! but true. Unless,…unless there is a word-limit and I haven't reached it yet? Hmmm… o.O
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I'm kidding! I've started journalling.The entry for today was 5 lines in total ( 2 of which were copied off the menu of the restaurant where we had dinner) and a drawing of a stick figure man holding a surfboard.
@Tas: Correct Tas. Which prompted me to google and it looks as though my data is old. Currently quoting 16,000 to 20,000. As for TL;DR well, then, I met one goal (for all but JJB). It wouldn't be as interesting with a limit though, now would it Tas? So I'll leave you with this ;)
A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men.
Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results. It read "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000".
The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband "It's because we have to repeat everything we say."
The husband said "What?"
@Miss Dior,I am imagining you reading that comment out loud to me, and then simply pestering you to read it to me, again… :)
Is there anything wrong to have a bit of tears when watching sad and unfortunate news on TV?
It can mean 1 of 2 things:
1) You're an exceedingly compassionate and emphatic person
2) You haven't seen much of the world yet and haven't developed and thickened a special sort of skin yet. This skin is called cynicism
It's perfectly normal, we are all human being :)
Another made up story, well played though people still fall for it.
But how is it made up? Just curious…
All his stories are careful worded to ensure it gets the attention he seeks.
I think it's a skill to be able to write stories to get attention - real or not. JJB should work in marketing or advertising. It's like reality shows and clickbait. I think a lot of people who watch and read those actually know it's not entirely true or embellished. Doesn't matter. Life in 2015 is very much living in your own shoebox and let digital media drown you.
If you have found a more meaningful life I respect and admire you, please share some tips. For the rest of us, bring on the fabricated and exaggerated dramas!
yeap, he sure overshares alot of his life on this forum..
He/She could be an attention seeker
I totally believe that someone who behaves this way on a forum would go into work dressed as superman for the attention, or put on the waterworks in an interview.
@syousef: Ever heard the term keyboard warrior. Wouldn't surprise me in real life he was shy and dying for attention.
I think that is the wrong term..
based on this
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Keyboard+Warr…
I think it is more like
munchausen by proxy
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchausen_syndrome_by_proxy
Or his case
munchausen by internet
They should add this into the DSM
For some reason Im wondering if JJB is JV's brother or something now… :-/
Could be same person using another account…
JV sure got lots of time
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
Why were you wearing a superman suit?
He answered bedroom games. shrug
Every year I ask for a pay-rise and end up crying when I see what it is…
Came into work 15 minutes late and plonked myself down on the chair. The chair cracked and I fell on my *ss. No injury other than the dignity. Wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a heavy bloke. Was embarassed by continued with my work and was over it by lunch time.
Was there any witness?
Everyone was in their cubicle but a couple would have seen me on my backside on the floor.
I nearly teared up when I saw the footage of the Pope stopping his car in the motorcade in USA, to get out and bless the handicapped child in the wheelchair!
Who is the Pope ?
Some say he takes toilet breaks in the woods.
I was a Dishie. Chef asked me to clean store room. Use a bucket full of hot soapy water to clean and scrub. Doesn't realize that it connect to other door power surge. nek minnit the owner start to notice & really pissed off and start to yell but not at anyone. Scared the shit out of me as I start to noticed that it was my doing, I feel my soul just gone for 2 hour and it's extremely uneasy and uncomfortable. Turned out that the freezer is broken and cost $ 3000 to fix it. Put me in the "black-list"
SHould I re-pay them $3000 2 years later? Even though I "silenty" got fired by them 1 month after the incident
The Lady owner is very nice and told me it's ok and it's accident. The Male owner looks like he want to punch the shit out of me even though he forced to say "OK". The Male owner is quite popular amonngst worker for being mean and most staff come and go after he overtook his dad's Pokie- Topless-Tavern and Restaurant 7 months ago.
I don't know why, but the last paragraph of this story is just gold.
Pure gold:)
Also there is another moment that I reckon is extremely awkward for me even until 2 years fired from that job.
When I finished the roster, I always write the start and end hours. I always finish late but that day I was really quick and very proud of myself. I then proceed to write additional comment on top of end hour in roster sheet saying "Yeah Bitch! (Science Bitch! —> Jesse Pinkman)" as a Breaking bad reference.
The day after I was feeling really awkward because the chef told me "WHY YOU WRITE THIS!?" and I told him it was the reference to a TV series Breaking Bad. I reckon he didnt understand that I mean no offense and just joking around. He then proceed to scan it out and I feel really down because he might show it to the Male Owner which I even more fear off. (I try to explain to chef but he's a friggin mean I*D**N Chef, don't want to stereotype but mostly I met the mean one)
sounds an awful place to work. under threat of poor performance/closure and when your group does perform they don't beeive it and dismiss it.
Thanks for ruining superman for me.
Wow interesting reading all this. I admit I did only get half way through the first page tho, so much writing. Anyway just wanted to say I wouldnt worry too much about crying in your performance appraisal, these things happen. You sound like a really nice, warm, friendly person with a good sense of humour, I imagine youd be really nice to work around and they obviously hired you cos they liked you. I wouldnt worry too much about it, just add it to the list of lifes funny moments I guess :)
Keep reading, you'll find they didn't cry in the performance appraisal, but afterwards by themsleves in a locked room…
Oh thanks for that yeah I read a bit more and read that part in the end. Also lol found this, I think Jar Jar works for Gecko Insurance lol. Love Robot Chicken vids - https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NBPXdhd5B8Y
One-time customer stole mac book I ran after then my boss did to then customer chucks the mac book and it go under a truck.
mac stuck under truck
my favourite comment in this whole thread
I cry for you now :)
I called in my lackey to review the capabilities of a new firewall that I have just put made live.. It has web filtering / monitoring capabilities and I had left it collecting data for a day or so.
Now bearing in mind that the IT policy in relation to web surfing only prohibits porn, drugs, hate, etc, and more to the point doesn't mention policy about monitoring web use, and the workforce is run by a militant union, it's something that we have to be very careful about (hence why I was demonstrating - we need to have a consistent message to tell users when they cannot get to their favourite porn site, but he has to understand capabilities so he can frame his answers the right way).
And he starts asking questions about if it can track how long people are on facebook. Well let's have a look. Sure enough, guess who spent the morning watching videos on facebook.
To be honest, I was very nonchalant about it. My predecessor would have torn strips off him. But then again, I'm the better boss :P
Your "lackey" ?
Lackey - derived from the French laquis, or possibly lacche.
It's actually from the french word lacquais.I've always thought it was a derogatory term (it is in french) and have never used the word before.
@Jar Jar Binks:
Sorta JJB, sorta. In Aussie slang, it's usually said with a certain tone of voice, sarcasm and a wry smile. As in: " Whataya think I am, yer lackey?". "Sure, I'll get it, I'm your lackey". Wife to husband. Apprentice to boss (when on familiar terms). Something to do with our irreverent sense of humour arising from our colonial and convict past.
@Jar Jar Binks:
Sorta JJB, sorta. In Aussie slang, it's usually said with a certain tone of voice, sarcasm and a wry smile. As in: " Whataya think I am, yer lackey?". "Sure, I'll get it, I'm your lackey". Wife to husband. Apprentice to boss (when on familiar terms). Something to do with our irreverent sense of humour arising from our colonial and convict past.
@Jar Jar Binks
I've repeated that, because, you know…
Yes, as Miss Dior said, it is a derogatory term, but airzone was just using it in a matter-of-fact, banter kind of a way - about his no doubt highly valued colleague that he loves dearly and who in-turn loves doing boring, routine, jobs, because, you know.. love.
If still perturbed, picture 'airzone' as Kermit and 'my lackey' as Scooter.
Miss Dior and I are both very happy to have cleared all of that up for you. :)
@Jar Jar Binks: Apologies, I meant laquais, excuse my mispelling. As for derogatory term, the definition is equivalent to a valet. But I guess that a persons perception of words can change the intended meaning. eg Freakishly handsome = good thing, freakishly short = bad thing. Same word, different perception. Frankly I don't think words can explicity have a negative or positive connotation. It is the way they are not only used, but perceived.
Word Origin & History
lackey 1529, "footman, running footman, valet," from M.Fr. laquais "foot soldier, footman, servant" (15c.), probably from O.Prov. lacai, from lecai "glutton, covetous," from lecar "to lick." Alternative etymology is via Fr. from Catalan alacay, from Arabic al-qadi "the judge."
Yet another guess traces it through Sp. lacayo, from It. lacchè, from Mod.Gk. oulakes, from Turk. ulak "runner, courier." This suits the original sense better, but OED says It. lacchè is from French. Sense of "servile follower" appeared 1588. As a political term of abuse it dates from 1939 in communist jargon.
Seems to suggest derivative of laquais is valid. (No "c". That would be more likely a Latin influence, eg as in case of Acquire, from the latin Aquirere, later the french aquerre.)
Well researched. Think it's all beyond me and I'll have to stick to the Aussie slang version.;)
@Tiggrrrrr: Yes it is 'laquais' without the 'c' in french. However it is spelled "Lacquais" in Mauritian Creole. You wouldn't happen to know what it means in the Mauritian context, would you? I've heard it used a couple of times while I was there but have no clue as to its meaning.
@Jar Jar Binks: Had a quick look in KOREK!A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO MAURITIAN CREOLE, but it was mainly conversational Creole. Also flicked The Literature of France by H G Keene, and the term laquais is definitely used in context as a derogatory form, and that is from 1892. So I guess there is a precedent of it as a derogatory term even before translation to English.
@Tiggrrrrr: so if my father-in-law refers to me as a "laquais" in creole, that's not a compliment, right? *Not that he has or anything…
The lowest point of my career was punching a colleague. Long story. Not proud of it.Violence is never the answer.
The most embarrassing thing that happened lately was a wardrobe malfunction on Thursday: gaping blouse while attending to a client having a seizure. All my attention was focused on the client : timing her seizure activities, monitoring her breathing, administering PRN,calling '000', reassuring her…etc Paramedics came, checked her heart rate, her temperature… Her mother came. We finally managed to get her off the floor and onto the stretcher ( she's quite a big girl). So my lacy, black bra was on show for quite some time :$ The paramedics were 2 males in their 20s. Somehow that makes it even more embarrassing that they were male and young :(
I offered to follow the ambulance back to the hospital and the mother snapped back at me. I'm still not sure if it was because of my unprofessional attire ( I didn't notice the gaping blouse until after they left) or because I called her at 5 p.m, the day before a long weekend. Maybe she would have prefered that I had called her estranged husband instead o.O
You may not be proud of it Wiki, but the punch sure sounds like an interesting story. It may not have solved anything but at the time it obviously felt the thing to do (no thinking involved). I've known of a couple of stories like this, some are near misses, but they are all interesting and often good for a laugh and a bit of embarrassment after the fact. ;)
I think you should be a Author selling novels
@Jar Jar Binks:
Then you can count me out. Maybe try either Deepika Padukone or Alicia Vikander. Those 2 women were suggested by ozbargainers, one of whom has never met me afaik.
If you want a truly sad and depressing movie, go with Lars Von Trier. He did a beautiful job with Melancholia.
Edit: That movie : Melancholia should come with a warning. It is very nihilistic. If you suffer from depression, anxiety, OCD ,Bipolar disorder..etc maybe don't watch. If you are a partner/close friend/relative of someone who suffers from any of these disorders, you might find watching this film distressing.