Am i the tight***? Splitting bills?

Austrian Oak on 17/05/2017 - 22:22

Ok, i know bill splitting has come up before but i just want to get your thoughts.

I find that whenever I go out to dinner with mates, a select few seem to order all the expensive dishes, or extras and then when it's time for the bill to come, they're all let's just divide it equally.

I'm sick of paying for everyone elses shite. Recently we got delivery and i ordered one dish at $13.50. There were 5 of us and the bill came to $150 because everyone basically ordered two dishes, extras etc. Of course everyone says let's split, so I end up paying more than double for my meal. $30

I feel like if i speak up then i'm the tightarse. So i just grind my teeth and pay up. Am i alone? Others more vocal?

Food & Grocery

Comments

    • [Deactivated] on 19/05/2017 - 19:06
      +1

      LoL this was the absolute opposite for me.

      I found myself always ready to pay and everyone else playing the "I'm pretending I don't know what's going on / leaving early / whatever".

      This was a group of about 30 Asian "friends" - I can't even remember a single night where there wasn't a disputed bill.

      • John Kimble on 19/05/2017 - 19:13

        Yes, when we were all at uni, we we always short somehow, no one ever owned up!

      • Findo on 19/05/2017 - 19:29
        +2

        Clearly not really good friends then

    • Dr Techno on 19/05/2017 - 23:30
      +10

      In China they take it to a whole new level, friends normally chase me & my wife down and stuff money into our pockets if we pay any money for a meal. makes for interesting after dinner entertainment :-/ meanwhile here in Melbs I have some western friends that will argue over 5 cents :P

    • ahly92 on 20/05/2017 - 19:52
      +2

      Arabs re like that too… You should see the cashier face when 3 adults fighting over who to pay

      • Findo on 20/05/2017 - 20:35
        +1

        I recall one incident where this mock fighting to pay almost caused an accident when I was a kid. Four grown men including my father were all fighting to pay and somehow my father won. After that we're in our car about to drive off when one of the wives of the men came running after our car with a wad of cash in her hand - obviously my parents knew what was up so dad drove off, she got to our car, opened the door whilst the car was accelerating and she fell. I don't know what happened to the money, I assume her husband paid for the next meal.

  • Brendoo on 19/05/2017 - 05:50
    +3

    Every meal split i have ever done, we always chuck in what our food cost. None of us would want to rip someone else off by ordering more than others but forcing the sparrow eater to pay double, so we pay for what we ordered. It's fair for all. Then all chuck in about an extra 10% each for the tip (if a tip is appropriate). Some people chuck in extra if they are rounding up to a $20 etc and don't care, we then just let the waiter/waitress get a better tip if too much gets added.

    I have spent a lot of time overseas and in some other countries it's the norm to pretty much always split the bill and a receipt is given to every single person individually. None of these arguments then :) Their POS systems also default to handling multiple payments for one table, so there is none of this "NO SPLIT BILLS" crap like we have in Australia and they are happy to split, they actually expect it.

  • misu p on 19/05/2017 - 09:31

    When we go out with our friends we either share or split. If we all eat / drink the same then we usually split. Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose (actually you always win because it is always a good atmosphere). If somebody has ordered a lot less we usually ask them to pay his share and the rest we split. Anyway, I will not ever be offended if a friend asks to split the bill, do not worry about it, just tell your friends and it will all be ok.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 19/05/2017 - 13:41

      If somebody has ordered a lot less we usually ask them to pay his share and the rest we split.

      And what if a minority has ordered a lot more?

      • misu p on 21/05/2017 - 08:41

        That usually does not happen. It may be just our group of friends.

  • Zondor on 19/05/2017 - 09:41

    I don't think it's rude.

  • KozieSeller on 19/05/2017 - 09:51

    I bet all the comments here would be very different (though it shouldn't be) if it was lady friend or a date. 'gender equality'

    • SnakeCasablanca on 19/05/2017 - 10:18
      +2

      Tips fedora

      Hahaha.

      P.S. Seriously Im pretty sure Im on your side in this issue but I don't know why it is relevant in this discussion.

    • samfisher5986 on 19/05/2017 - 14:33

      Not really, if you don't know them that well of course you would rather do the easiest option.

      Otherwise its split.

  • sleet on 19/05/2017 - 10:25
    +3

    It depends on who I'm with. Close friends, we shout each other and take turns. In close friends of smaller groups we pay our own unless sharing.

    In very big groups we kind of split evenly.

    I was young and was a bit uptight about it but learned to let go. They are your friends and hopefully they provide fun, laughter, company, support, help etc when you need it and there's no price on that.

    Hence, I seldom charge my family anything or interest when they borrow off me etc. Life is too short.

    • ddxsamx on 19/05/2017 - 10:33
      +1

      On point!

  • [Deactivated] on 19/05/2017 - 10:37

    ahhh hell no you are not. i have mates that think like this as well and some of them have opened up about it because their cost gets split across all the people and me i dont drink so their beers or partners wines get tacked onto my costs and yep, hate it a lot.

    when we book places i always look for cafes or restaurants that split the bill or ill throw the total on my CC then make everyone pay their share which they always do.

  • j05h on 19/05/2017 - 10:46

    I avoid situations where this happens. But most of my friends are chapo's (like me). Or, I'll say "are we getting our own, or ordering a banquet style where we all share?". That usually gives the message…

    But it also depends on who I'm out with. I'm not a person with a lot of friends, just a couple of close friends. So, I'm usually happy to pay for them/we take it in turns.

  • rave75 on 19/05/2017 - 10:49
    +3

    Me and my friends always pay whatever each person order and never split the bill evenly unless we are sharing food for everyone. Maybe because we are Asians. Next time order something more or at least as expensive as theirs?

  • idonotknowwhy on 19/05/2017 - 11:53
    +1

    Next time order 4 dishes, and get take-away containers.

    If they complain: "My eyes were bigger than my stomach".
    If they persist: "Wow, don't be a tight455!"

  • aromatase on 19/05/2017 - 12:41
    +1

    Personally, we calculate it by weight of said shared dish consumed by the individual and then multiply it by factor based on salary.
    Slowest eater pays additional 10%
    Greediest mofo pays 20%

    • idonotknowwhy on 20/05/2017 - 19:27
      +1

      That sounds complicated.

      • John Kimble on 20/05/2017 - 19:58
        +1

        Sounds like the ATO

    • Scrooge McDuck on 19/05/2017 - 13:48
      +14

      What a great way to draw attention to your superior dietary choices.

      • unelectric on 19/05/2017 - 15:41
        +6

        How is it drawing attention? The statement is fair. They are ordering a dish that they can't share, and they also can't have any of the meat dishes at the table. It's a lose-lose for everyone at the table hence paying separately. It should also be added that veggie dishes are often cheaper anyway, so it relates to the OP with expensive vs. non-expensive dishes & payment sharing.

        As an aside, why is it that whenever someone mentions vegetarianism or veganism people feel the need to give their opinion? They weren't asking for the merits of the life choices.

        • tomsco on 19/05/2017 - 16:40
          +6

          Just the old trope of Vegans making sure everyone knows they are a vegan.

        • callum9999 on 20/05/2017 - 05:49
          +3

          @tomsco: Except, as perfectly demonstrated here, it's far more common to be abused on here for being vegetarian than for vegetarians to randomly let you know they are…

        • tomsco on 20/05/2017 - 07:16
          +1

          @callum9999:

          Oh for sure. I've got a few vegan friends, never here a peep out of them about it.

          I transpose it on to my mother in law. The early 50s and seems like she's going through a mid life crisis - acts childish, always on her phone, uses snapchat…

          So every so often when we're at theirs for dinner, she'll put her phone away. We hear about 4 or 5 times over dinner about how she has put her phone away so we don't get disturbed. IDGAF. Lol.

      • [Deactivated] on 19/05/2017 - 17:45
        +3

        It's a legitimate contribution to the debate - there are other reasons (ie non financial) why some people dont want to split bills to subsidize others' meals.

        • Xastros on 20/05/2017 - 00:18

          What you said doesn't make sense. You can still split bills and subsidize others' meals while eating vegan meals. The only reason not to split bills is for financial reasons. If you didn't care about the money you could eat the vegan meal you couldn't share and still split.

        • [Deactivated] on 20/05/2017 - 05:07
          +1

          @Xastros:

          If you are vegan for ethical reasons then no you wouldnt subsidize others' meals if they contain meat. That wouldn't make sense. Think carefully.

        • bobbified on 20/05/2017 - 15:42
          +1

          @thewingman:

          for ethical reasons

          Then you should definitely subsidise every one else's meal as compensation for subjecting their ears to lectures about those "poor animals"!.

        • [Deactivated] on 20/05/2017 - 17:35
          +1

          @bobbified:
          So funny.

        • Xastros on 23/05/2017 - 12:23

          @thewingman: My bad, I genuinely didn't think carefully before commenting.

        • [Deactivated] on 30/05/2017 - 12:25

          @Xastros:
          No worries.

    • idonotknowwhy on 19/05/2017 - 15:32

      I have a feeling this comment will be a down-vote repository

    • imurgod on 19/05/2017 - 18:23
      -4

      Bloody vegans. I never invite them along because of this.

    • patinadiary on 22/05/2017 - 10:10

      Q: How to tell the people you are dining with are Vegans?
      A: You do have to, they will tell you.

  • Herbse on 19/05/2017 - 13:13

    Why not just start ordering more than everyone and take your leftovers home

  • msmhw on 19/05/2017 - 13:17
    +3

    you should make friends with Middle Eastern People :P
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZTdp11a-IU

  • mousie on 19/05/2017 - 13:18
    +2

    Bring your own leftovers to the next gathering and don't pay anything.

  • DiscoJango on 19/05/2017 - 13:40
    +14

    No friends = no problems

  • banzini on 19/05/2017 - 13:43
    +3

    I have a few mates where we go 'no ph**ark you, this is mine, that's yours, boom pay separate'

    Then I have another cuck mate who I don't see often, if I offered to just pay for mine (in a similar situation to yours) - he would turn it around on me and tell me i'm tight and I have a problem.

    Tell it as it is and you will be free in your thoughts and happy. If they have a problem with it, then phua*rk them. You can only control what you can control.

  • AddNinja on 19/05/2017 - 13:56
    +1

    Easy - just tell your friends that you are poor compared to them and only have $20 to spend. So that's what you'll be putting in (have it in cash), and then order something less than $20. Job done. Richer people, or people who spend big at dinner forget that it can be harder for poorer people or people saving. So just tell them at the start.

    • samfisher5986 on 19/05/2017 - 14:39
      -1

      Maybe its the ozbargainer in me but you'll see get screwed. If you buy something for $16 thats a $4 premium you are paying on your food.

      • AddNinja on 19/05/2017 - 16:11

        :) true - but at least you're not paying 30-40

  • cameldownunder on 19/05/2017 - 14:14

    I had that issue too, not any more, I don't see these people again.
    Also if I have lunch with friends and one does the "I pay with credit card, and you give the money ( and the tip )", I pay LESS then what I had, and give my $2 or $5 to the waiter personally on the way to the toilet, on the way out, while standing around.

    • wukachuka on 20/05/2017 - 15:35
      +2

      What is this "tip" thing you speak of?

      • cameldownunder on 22/05/2017 - 12:28

        Runs around in the virgin forests and has a cone on it's head. ( What is "Dining in a restaurant" )

  • duluxe2000 on 19/05/2017 - 14:35
    +1

    Whoever does the job of a payer will decide how to bill is paid.

    Whenever I'm the payer, I will calculate the precise cost for each person (hint use an app to assist u this, e.g. SplitWise).

    If someone else does the job, I tend to order what I like with considerating other pp's orders as well. I not only save money for myself but for my friends as well and I dont like eating out that much.

  • maximum on 19/05/2017 - 14:37

    We had a friend who would order an extra meal for takeaway for lunch the next day and have it included in the split. This happened quite a bit but I didn't notice because she would have it left at the front and take the bill and split to pay. It was only when another girl lost her job so we went to user pays to save her having to feel obligated to split that someone else pointed this out.

    • Spooked on 20/05/2017 - 11:34
      +2

      Ugh

  • BertieBrown on 19/05/2017 - 15:20

    I don't think that you're a tight-arse. But, I don't think that your mates give a rats-arse what I think.

  • Kail on 19/05/2017 - 15:47

    I have never split a bill before. My friends and co-workers always pay for exactly what we ordered. It's just a given that that is what we will do, nobody has ever suggested bill splitting before. For family, my parents pay but the ozbargainer in me looks at the pricetags anyway. I don't order wine or dessert, and prefer chicken over steak so my meal usually ends up cheapest anyway.

    Personally I'd rather take a social hit than split a bill and end up paying a lot extra. You dine out with friends to have a good time. If you come home seething because you subsidised their meals, did you have a good time?

  • kasp on 19/05/2017 - 15:53
    +4

    I have multiple groups of friends and well I have different rules for every one.

    One group I am fine paying more or less as it evens itself out. Sometimes I go over sometimes them but everyones cool with it and it translates.

    Another group everyones pays their own share and thats cool.

    Then I have group C and I point blank refuse to let them put anything on tab to the point where I have actually gone to the manager after they started putting things on tab and said quite frankly I am not splitting with them and to do separate bills. One time we all went out and some people had drinks others didn't and a friends girlfriend drank like a (profanity) fish. She easily downed 100 bucks worth of booze and had the biggest spend out of everyone and when it came time to split the bill she would only put in 10 dollars because she is a vegetarian and didn't eat meat. Then she took off leaving us all to pay her wage.

    Yeah, I don't go out with people who I consider group C much. However as for my friends gf they got married she cheated on him and they are still together and I call her out and make life as (profanity) uncomfortable as possible if she ever comes out with us. She hasn't been out with us since the last time whenever she tried to say something I would somehow find a way of bringing the convo back on how she cheated on my friend and she left in tears.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 19/05/2017 - 22:34
      +1

      Why did your friend stick with her?

      • kasp on 20/05/2017 - 09:11
        +1

        Dunno self esteem issues maybe. They broke up for a bit then maybe he fot lonely and they back together.

        • Scrooge McDuck on 20/05/2017 - 09:12

          Was it an abusive relationship?

        • kasp on 20/05/2017 - 10:05
          +1

          @Scrooge McDuck:

          Shes a bitch for sure ,as for abusive dunno. Anyway not my problem his a big boy.

  • centrelink on 19/05/2017 - 16:16
    +1

    Its funny when I went to my wife's country of origin (ie: China). People were having huge arguments that they wanted to be the one to pay. Apparently over there its like a brag of "YEAH BIATCH I CAN AFFORD THIS AND YOU CAN'T SO THEREFORE I AM PAYING FOR YOUR PLEB ASS" mentality.

    • gimme on 19/05/2017 - 16:28
      +1

      lol yeah I come from a culture that (not China) used to fight over who pays at a restaurant. I've seen full on arguments as a child. Embarrassing!

      I've been in situations with some friends in the past where I've been screwed by splitting bills. During future outings I've tried to turn the tables by out-ordering them and eaten a lot more than I should. I don't drink much and that's where I've got screwed in the past.

      None of that happens any more with my current attitude. If I eat a lot less than others, I'm more than happy to be assertive and tell them I'll pay for my fair share only. Noone's expressed any gripes (explicitly) and I really don't care anyway. Going out is expensive in Aus, so there's nothing to be ashamed about. Happy to drop friends if they don't like that arrangement.

      • [Deactivated] on 20/05/2017 - 14:25
        +1

        middle eastern?

        I remember extended family dinners with relatives sneakily "going to the toilet" in the middle of the meal just to leave their credit card with the waiter.

      • aromatase on 20/05/2017 - 20:37
        +2

        It's not uncommon for parents to then stuff 50 dollar notes in to the pocket of the son or daughter of couple who paid. Quite a funny scenario.

    • John Kimble on 19/05/2017 - 16:41
      +3

      Yes, when we eat with my wife's best friend and husband, they usually go and pay the full bill in secret whilst we are not paying attention so there is no scene…previously my wife and her friend have a credit card/cash "fight" where they are trying to push it away to stop each other from paying.

      We've also secretly paid it a few times to try and even it out, but they are way ahead/behind…

      I've also seen it with other people…hilarious.

      • Scrooge McDuck on 19/05/2017 - 22:52
        +1

        The few times in my life I've done this, I've sidled up to the EFTPOS terminal with my ING debit card palmed, misdirected my friend's attention when the payment method was selected and jabbed my hand over the payWave reader, covering it until the transaction is complete.

    • joelmuzz on 19/05/2017 - 18:13

      You have to be careful though, because that culture leads to a fairly common scam where scammer groups lure people to attend an overpriced restaurant with them and then leave the victim covering an inflated bill for everyone. The scammers work with the restaurant and there wont be any support when both the group and restaurant say you said you were paying when they came in.

      • Scrooge McDuck on 19/05/2017 - 22:42

        That's the old Chinese tea scam.

    • cintamami on 20/05/2017 - 22:38

      This is a very shortsighted comment.

      Although sometimes you do have an arsehole who likes to brag, but most of time, it is just common courtesy that you don't let your guest to pay and be a good host.

      And most of the time, the other party will definitely pay on your behalf as well when they host you.

      It is not embarrassing at all.

      I for one, never let my parents or my close family pays for any meal whenever possible. Sometimes they go to the "toilet" way faster than me, but I simply be faster the next time I go out with them.

      My recommendation to OP is be like a mirror.

      Treat other the way they treat you. next time, put an expensive order in, if they were fine with it, then that's how you roll. If they stop becoming your friends, consider it your blessing. They certainly werent complaining when you are subsidising them.

    • Cheese86 on 22/05/2017 - 08:58
      +1

      You definitely don't understand Chinese culture if you interpreted it as "I'm rich and can pay for your poor ass! "
      What a simplistic and misguided assumption.
      A working class man would offer to pay the bill if he was shouting a friend who owned a big business. It's still about ego, yes, but in the "I want to be the one to have the honour of treating you" way not "I'm better than you!".
      Your Chinese partner needs to give you some cultural pointers.

  • Donaldhump on 19/05/2017 - 16:38
    +1

    no its not cheap. if your too scared to speak up, order 10 dishes next time, and see if they speak up

  • unelectric on 19/05/2017 - 17:00
    +2

    Are you in your 30's? As someone in their 20's, we are all too poor to be subsidising meals (please, no avocado jokes). My friends and I pay exact amounts (usually by bank transfer to the bill payer if there are no split bills).

  • echelon6 on 19/05/2017 - 17:02
    -6

    You are a tightarse. Things even out in the long run, stop worrying about making sure everything's fair at the end of every day. Things will be fair in the long run.

    • John Kimble on 19/05/2017 - 17:07
      +2

      How long in the long run? OP hasn't specified, but it sounds like they are fed up, which indicates it's been happening for a while with these "friends"…

      • echelon6 on 19/05/2017 - 17:13
        -1

        If he's worried about 'how long' then he's tight.

      • banzini on 23/05/2017 - 22:05

        sounds like more than enough were 'fed'

    • Scrooge McDuck on 19/05/2017 - 22:54
      +4

      You are a tightarse. Things even out in the long run, stop worrying about making sure everything's fair at the end of every day. Things will be fair in the long run.

      You must be one of the people who orders more than average…

    • callum9999 on 20/05/2017 - 05:55
      +3

      Things don't magically even out just because you do it a lot…

  • kolorijo on 19/05/2017 - 18:03

    I go out with my friend, take turns in paying the bill. Checked the bill for our meal cost and transferred exact amount. Fair to the very last cent.

  • joelmuzz on 19/05/2017 - 18:08
    +1

    The tightasses are usually the ones who DO want to split the bill, and then think they are getting some magical discount offer where they buy the most expensive meal and only pay half the cost.

    Restaurants should hurry up with app based ordering so everyone can order and pay directly on their phone.

    • John Kimble on 19/05/2017 - 18:18

      You should develop the app sell it and make millions!

      • joelmuzz on 19/05/2017 - 18:23

        They already exist, just choose one. Fair enough avoid the bigger commercial ones taking an excessive cut.

  • dufflover on 19/05/2017 - 18:08

    Luckily the times I go eat out with friends we all pay what we ordered. I still get a related feeling to OP though where the group decides to hit up some fancy shit place so even though we fairly split the bill, I still end up paying a lot of money for a meal I'd normally pay for (and as usual for those pretentious places leave the place still hungry!)

  • imurgod on 19/05/2017 - 18:30

    It's all about context. If you always split equally, then you're not going to change it comfortably and your mates will probably tease you forevermore.

    If you order together or go out for a meal together, you split equally.

    It's such a tight thing to do to go through who ordered what, etc. Show some class.

    My brother in law and his friends do this… We don't go out with them anymore.

    It's embarrassing and ruins the meal.

    With us, usually one person picks up the bill and the next time it's another person.

    Works well.

  • gimme on 19/05/2017 - 18:59

    I only go out to foodhalls with my friends.

  • MessyG on 19/05/2017 - 19:18
    +1

    I think saying "hey I just ordered one small dish guys, I'm just going to pay for mine" is fine.

  • whoopdeedoo on 19/05/2017 - 19:27

    next time step up your dinner game.

  • Trying2SaveABuck on 19/05/2017 - 19:53

    Just order more and milk em

  • DiscoJango on 19/05/2017 - 20:16
    +1

    im at that age\stage in my life where i will speak my mind, and if you dont like it or me, then see you later, no loss for me. my friends group is much smaller than when i was in my 20's, but they are all on the same level, so there are no arguments.

    also, splitting bills equally is fairly common overseas, its just an issue here in AU.

  • striker5950 on 19/05/2017 - 22:08
    +1

    i just wish the restaurants would bring everyone's bill separately so there would not be this awkward situations like this

  • Invisiblefreak on 19/05/2017 - 23:09
    +2

    We have a mate who is constantly volunteering to pay first (to claim govt rebates) but always rounds it up to the next dollar or two when he asks for money back. But in rare occasions when someone else pays first, he will be sure to transfer the accurate amount (without rounding up). Anyone's got the same experience?

    • Shadowsfury on 20/05/2017 - 17:15

      I have friends like that. And they won't ever give you any discount for the savings they're making claiming the whole receipt instead of what would have been just their meal if they ate alone.

    • aromatase on 20/05/2017 - 20:39

      Those that jump to pay first with their card I always get this feeling they're trying to just get more points / claim. Except, it had some risks. Have some one owing me 60+ dollars for a higher end meal + drinks lol, still hasn't paid for 2 yrs.

      • montorola on 21/05/2017 - 12:21

        Have some one owing me 60+ dollars for a higher end meal + drinks lol, still hasn't paid for 2 yrs.

        Haha do you still hang out with them?

  • hypie on 19/05/2017 - 23:12
    +1

    Splitwise… It will change your life. (I'm always the guy that orders double, so i'm happy to pay my share).

    https://www.splitwise.com/

  • neosin on 19/05/2017 - 23:24

    I will give you the BEST ADVICE on this thread!

    If you are hungry then order more and eat more = you are getting more than what you pay

    If you are not really hungry, don't order anything and get something later on the way home

    Easiest way to deal with this situation :)

  • ATangk on 19/05/2017 - 23:51

    Going out theres a drinkers table and a non-drinkers table. One is substantially more expensive than the other, so thats a compromise of some sorts.

  • gezza90 on 20/05/2017 - 00:06

    This is the exact reason why I always carry a $50, $20, $10, $5 notes and a few $2 and $1 coins so that I can pay pretty much any amount. When it comes pay time, I'll give my exact share to the person who is holding the bill. Also Entrees are a no no for me because that's where restaurants make their money. If the group does order it, just say no and don't eat any of it.

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