Help Me Think of a Witty Comeback - Gender Stereotypes

I'm seeking some help from the collective mind of Ozbargain.

I'm a woman who was recently fortunate to purchase the car of my dreams. This car does not fit the gender stereotypes for a female driver and as such it sometimes attracts unwelcome attention. This is usually in the form of some variation of "is that your boyfriend's car?". Yesterday it was a truck driving leaning out of his truck to ask if it was my boyfriend's car. I answered no, and after some time he formulated the gem "is it your dad's car?".

This has happened enough times now to grate on me and being gobsmacked every time it occurs I blunder like an idiot and politely tell them no. Now I'm sure these comments are just well intended attempts at conversing with me, but I find it quite gross.

Given that I don't want to obnoxious and just tell them straight to f-off, I would love the help of this community to formulate a pithy response for these times. I know Ozbargainers tend to excel at the witty response so I hope the collective can suggest a few gems to me.

Comments

  • +4

    It's my car. B*tch.

    • Ok. That made me really laugh. Perfect 👌

    • Nah, whoever asks is waiting for an aggressive response. Don’t give them what they want.

  • +1

    So what car do you have.. Lol

  • +8

    just respond with…" nah, my boyfriend doesnt have balls big enough to drive this", and hold up your handbag adding.."cos i got em, lol"

  • +2

    "No, is that your boyfriend's?".

    • +1

      "No, is that your Girlfriend's?".

  • +3

    Troll Thread. OP drives a 1998 Honda Civic and is super fat so car leans to the right side so other drivers take notice.

    • ek9 b16b, to be exact

  • +1

    If you're that offended by it then sell the car.

  • +3

    "Oi, love, is that your boy friend's car?"

    "No…"

    "Is it your dad's car then??"

    "If you think only a man could handle a car like this, you sure as shit haven't ever handled a real woman."

    • Oooooooooh I like this one…..

    • +4

      How long are people sitting in traffic to have a full blown conversation lol

      • +2

        seems kind of like "then the whole train clapped" kind of thing to me tbh

  • +4

    "Yeah it's mine, your dad bought it for me"

  • If your going to ask us for a witty comeback than you really need to tell us the make and model of the car.

  • Tell them to eat a d

  • +2

    What car is it? My friend’s gfs car is modded and faster than my whole group of fellas and we all have decent cars, it's quiet entertaining haha

    I find it cool

    • +1

      What car she drive and your fellas drive that's modded up?

      • +1

        She drives the latest STI in manual I must add lol, my friends have a few modded WRX, evox, s2000s, SSV etc

        • ooh nice…

        • My missus always drove our track day WRX to work.
          Never got asked if it was her boyfriend's, I think. Might ask her tonight

  • Why not say "No, it's my great grandmother's."

    That will give them something to think about. While they are doing that you are well and truly kms away.

  • +1

    Why are you worrying about what other people think?
    You bought the car because you liked it. Why do you care what other people think?

  • +6

    Sounds like you knew you'd get attention when you bought the car, and again when you posted on here. I know females that drive hotted up utes etc and have never been asked that question.

  • +2

    when asked who's car is it, respond, "Hey I don't know the owner wasn't around when I stole it" :)

  • Boyfriend's car?
    Nah mate, it's a <insert model name>.

    Daddy's car?
    Sugar-daddy's!

    Test driving it?
    Sshhh, stole it!

  • Im thinking Mustang.

    • Probably right. Mustangs are like falcons and commodores in the US, everyone has them.

  • +1
  • +1

    If all these questions are from men, OP is probably decent looking. Few men are going out of their way to banter with a female otherwise.

    So deal with the unwanted attention the same way you do in the rest of your life?

    I don't have that issue, would be a nice change though.

  • +1

    "Jealous you can't afford to buy your girlfriend/wife one??"

    I get how you feel btw. Unwanted comments are awful and the lack of understanding/sympathy as to why is pretty typical.

  • +9

    'Its a high-yield investment vehicle'

  • +2

    When I had the Royal Purple VW bug (it looked pink) and also the Golf Cabrio people would ask if it was my Mum's/Sister's/Girlfriends car. I'd reply "No, it's your Mums/Sisters/Girlfriend's. She gave it to me last night after I gave it to her."

    Possibly not appropriate for your situation and I always had an escape route and both cars were quite nippy.

    • Royal Purple VW bug

      Admit it.. you liked being asked! :p

  • +1

    Just yell back, "You're just jealous because my d#ck is bigger than yours!".

    • +1

      BDE..

  • +1

    yeah nah

  • +2

    Yelling and screaming, baring teeth, barking, and carrying on like a raving lunatic would shut most people up.

    • But attract the other kinds.

  • +5

    Simple - 'No it's your mums, she let me borrow it after I dropped her home last night'

    • So simple, so effective.

      • +3

        So capable of turning into an ugly road rage incident.

        • +2

          True, winding window up and ignoring would probably be best call but that doesn't seem like someone OP wants to do

        • Unless they were on meth they have engaged in the banter, this is what we call match point. He serves, you return ftw

          • +1

            @Pootie Tang: Assuming random road users are good reasonable people and saying something which might aggravate them is generally not good for your health. Doubly so if you're seen as an easy target.

  • +6

    Why would anyone put any effort into this? I can think of plenty of good comebacks but none that beat just ignoring them. Guys that do this are doing it to get a rise out of you because their lives are boring. If you reply with something cute and the guy is a complete buffoon he may end up trying to hurt you. Why risk a road rage incident with a small minded, small appendaged git who has nothing to lose? The most you have to gain is you get to feel smug.

    If you really insist my only suggestion is if it's daytime put on your sunnies Horatio Caine style. Bonus points if you have the music for the theme on a usb stick to play when you do. I don't think any idiot can take offense to that.

  • +6

    "This has happened enough times now to grate on me and being gobsmacked every time it occurs I blunder like an idiot and politely tell them no. Now I'm sure these comments are just well intended attempts at conversing with me, but I find it quite gross."

    Your post makes you appear a bit self-centred and insecure. This isn't an attack but just an observation that I made. If what you're saying is true and guys are obnoxiously making stupid remarks, I actually do sympathise with you in that it's annoying having to divert energy towards people who just want to inconvenience you, but I assume that those people are just jumping on an opportunity to talk shit, and not because they are so keen on conversing with you.

    • +2

      Your post makes you appear a bit self-centred and insecure.

      Roll up the windows, enjoy the aircon, and your music, and troll them with a smile.

  • +4

    Just choose not to be offended & ignore people trying to waste your time or belittle you.

    • +1

      But knocking them down with a witty response give you so much more pleasure.

      • How?

        Any time you waste responding to people like that is already letting them get the better of you, because your devoting your time to thinking / arguing / engaging with them. Trolling you so you piss away your time / thoughts & energy is exactly what they want. They don't care about anything you say back to them. The fact that you were triggered and responded is what they wanted in the first place.

  • +5

    Person buys car of their dreams, proceeds to complain about how people react to it.

    Who cares?
    You got your car, be happy.

    • +1

      Same as people wearing a low cut dress.

      I don't wear a low cut dress then cry when people gawk at me.

      • +4

        People need to learn that buying nice cars gets you attention. You can't demand that it be positive attention or admiration. You're gonna get some bad light that you have to deal with too. If you can't, don't buy a flashy car.

  • Window tints, roll up windows. or lift up sun-glasses with middle finger, choice is yours

    I have a black WRX STI, its a $#!tmagnet, if its not a cop tailgating me its a P-plater in rolling trashcan trying his best to cause a accident.

  • Sell the car, you will soon come to realise that dreams arnt all they are cracked up to be.

  • +1

    Actually, no words are necessary. Just do the little-finger-wiggle from the "no one thinks big of you" campaign. Best comeback to most of the crap these blokes spew.

  • Ask them back if that's their boyfriend's car they're driving, if not, is it their dad's?

  • +6

    This kind of thing kills me. I work in tech and also often attend gaming/nerd culture events. Quite a different context to cars but being assumed to be "someone's girlfriend" and not an individual person with interests and skills is one of the most infuriating things I encounter even if it's 'well meaning'.

    The commenters here who don't get the problem clearly don't understand how frustrating it can be to be breezily undermined. The fact that it's often said with good intent can make MORE frustrating as the person making the 'you here with your boyfriend?' comment can't even see why dismissing an entire area of your life would be a rude thing to do.

    It's not a disastrously bad thing to say to someone by any means, and it's not ruining my life and presumably not the OP's either, but it's definitely something you might idly fantasise about having a good comeback to!

    If anyone has a more generalised response to the 'your gender indicates to me you have no interest in the thing you are clearly and directly signalling your interest and investment in' outside of just the OP's car context I would love to hear it!

    • Most approaches are fishing for marital status. It helps them later when they make a wank-bank withdrawal.

      • Yeah the reasons to say this stuff seem to range from 'well intentioned obliviousness' to 'deliberate needling' and 'I'm going to find out if you're single by kind-of negging you about your interests.'

  • +1

    Cars and gender stereotypes are baked in and hard to get rid of. I have friends who will never buy a small car (shorter than 5m, less than V6) because it's a "woman's car". Have a look at car advertising on TV/Youtube. Small car? Young women driving it (and the boyfriend of the women gets to have a go too sometimes). Large car? Almost always a male driver.

    The strangest thing is that some men feel the need to make snide remarks about stranger's cars. I mean, who cares what their opinion is on the matter? They may think they're being extremely witty but rest assured it's the complete opposite.

    • +2

      Gender stereotypes exist everywhere, often to the benefit of women. There was a news doco done in Australia a few years back where a woman went to the beach taking photos of people and nothing happened. As soon as a man came and did it they called the cops and had him questioned. Same goes for single men being treated very differently at a kids park to single women. Shit happens. They've even found that in most domestic disturbance or criminal acts the cops usually come and point the heat at the man before they even know anhthing. You don't see any tears of outrage.

      • -2

        Girlfriend physically attacks boyfriend in public: nobody cares.
        Boyfriend physically attacks girlfriend in public: white knights galore.

        This experiment has been done plenty of times on YouTube.

        Also, female teacher, male student: he da man!
        Male teacher, female student: life sentence.

  • -2

    Maybe grow up and ignore them?

    • +7

      Honestly, telling the OP to grow up when grown men are leaning out of their trucks to say this stuff..seriously. When are they going to grow up and ignore these changes in social norms?

      • They don't sound like grown men to me.

        Again, the most mature thing to do is ignore them.

        Maybe you need to grow up too?

        • I was not aware that children were allowed to drive trucks.

  • +2

    Whats the point a witty retort you're just looking for more attention

    Next they will be seeing if you can actually drive it and it will end in tears or worse

    • +1

      This made me laugh - your first line there is a perfect response for those guys! I recommend this one OP, it actually works well.

  • Well what's the damn car and your age? Info left out thumbs down

    Also what a stupid thing to get offended about haha. If you didn't like the attention perhaps you shouldn't have bought a dudes car :D Is it too simple just to ignore them?

    I'm sure dudes who drive an MX-5 got the same thing

  • +1

    If you want to be polite: No, it's my car.

    Some possible witty comeback replies:

    • Nah, it is my car. My boyfriend / husband is not allowed to drive this car.
    • No, it's a car for women / girls. Most guys are too thick to drive this.
    • No, it is my car. Are you driving your girlfriend/wife's car or your mum's car?
  • +14

    I think angry or witty, you're engaging which is what they want. A very long eye contact followed by 'what makes you say that?' though has the tendency to make people uncomfortable if you feel like calling it out.

    But this is really about boundaries. Boundaries are the standards you set for the way people treat you. So if you don't want to be treated this way (and frankly who does, it's so easy to call it social banter when you're not the tiny person on the receiving end but we know what it really feels like), then don't tolerate it. Drive off, don't feed it. I know current feminism is all about 'calling it out' but I think being witty back legitimises it. A simple 'not interested mate' and a drive off is best. Of course then you'll get labelled stuck up etc etc - but you're not. You're boundaried. If someone wants a genuine discussion with you, they'll seek it out in an adult and genuine way. Not out of a truck window.

    • You've summed it up beautifully MissG, thanks.

  • Wanna race? Then watch as they take off and hopefully get done speeding.

    Alternatively, consider that you driving this car could be viewed as attention seeking. You want people to notice you but you hate the inevitable stupid comments that will come with that.

    Alternatively, belittle their masculinity.

  • "Shutup."

  • +1

    Most of them aren't asking out of spite. Were they trying to chat you up? Is that why you saw it as gross. What happens when a girl asks you the same question?

  • Reply - "If you save hard enough, maybe you'll afford it one day"

  • Nah, it's mine. I saved up. Every time I screwed your boyfriend, he gave me $100.

  • Simple

    Reply back with

    No it’s your boyfriends car, I just dropped him off at your dads

    Or if u want to be harsh reply back with

    No it’s mine, if u had a decent job you could afford one too /I’m sure truckies want good money but reaction would be insulting to them)

  • +2

    or you can just ignore them and enjoy your car.

  • +2

    Witty comeback with a Gronk that's catcalling you in a flashy car?

    Mate - Did you use your last Centrelink payment on rego?

  • Ask them if they wanna swap since their choice of car is so Girly.

    If they say Yes, say on second thought, I think this car needs someone that can handle it, then leave them in your dust.

  • "No, it's YOUR boyfriends car!"

  • +1

    Are you as old as you sound?

  • You can just ask them if they like it, coz u just stole it, or another reply could be yes its your sugar daddy’s present to you..yes it fills they’re stereotype.. but guaranteed theyre not really expecting a response

  • +14

    I've been watching the responses to this thread with interest but have intentionally given myself some time for the comments to sit before responding. It was not my intention to start a spirited debate about gender, but it seems that I have unintentionally done so.

    Many people have responded asking for the details of my car and my age. I've thought long and hard about this and have decided to share neither. This is not to infuriate the masses, however I suspect that many asking those questions are interested in that information only to make a more informed judgement about the validity of my claims. This belief is only fueled by the unsolicited and negative comments on my weight, appearance, age, political views and personality.

    I genuinely appreciate the considered responses of many users. MissG is correct, asking for the advice of Ozbargainers was calculated. I view this as an active forum, one largely occupied by men and it seemed like a good place to look for the views of a cross section of people, largely males, from our society. As I suppose I should have expected, there have been responses ranging from supportive to belittling, some of which have stung.

    My issue with these unsolicited comments from men is that they belittle me and as other users have suggested, we are allowed to hope for better in 2019.

    It is interesting to see the debate raging about the sort of response these comments are seeking. I feel these comments place me in a impossible situation, as correctly noted by a number of users, there is no correct response. If I respond aggressively, I'm a crazy bitch, if I ignore them, I'm a stuck up bitch, if I respond with a witty retort I need to remember that men can be scary and may take offense to my response. These comments back me into a corner where I am a bitch, no matter my choice of my response - this from an interaction that I did not invite or initiate.

    I should add that I do think there is an element of 'victim shaming' in many of these comments. Suggestions such as "toughen up" or "sell the car then" imply that I am the problem, not the men making these comments and that I should just accept this as a by-product of my choice to drive the car.

    I appreciate those people that have suggested ignoring the comments, I am inclined to think this might be the best advice and perhaps this is the response that I need to go with. Some users appear to be of the view that I am inviting these comments. I passionately disagree. I drive the car because I love the car. The attention that has come with it was not totally unexpected as it is an uncommon car and prior to buying this one, I was the one watching from afar, however the implication that I only have the car because I enjoy the attention is absolutely false. Similarly, having the windows down in a car that does not have air conditioning should not be perceived an an invitation for this attention. Owning the car is about my love for the car, not a deep seated desire to be noticed. Happily, I continue to own my Subaru daily driver and only use this car on weekends and for car shows and events.

    sbot put it so beautifully when she said that comments like these minimize by own interests and my own independent thought.

    MissG especially, thank you for your comments, you've summed the issue up beautifully with your comments, certainly much better than I could have done.

    And now I need to remind myself that arguing with strangers on the internet is as futile as arguing with random men who feel the need to make unsolicited remarks about my choice of car.

    • +2

      "No, it's my car" is a simple response you could have given.

    • +10

      Just tell us what car it is

    • +3

      A very considered and articulate response. Nice work. And you're absolutely right, ignoring them in the best you can do unfortunately.

      The only other thing I'll say is that it's not only women who get this sort of attention. The sorts of comments you're getting will normally be directed at people who don't fit the stereotype of a muscle-car driver. A small man would likely get the same sorts of remarks. You're not alone.

      Anyway, enjoy your dream car and stay safe :)

      • +2

        True! Not often but occasionally, I got comments as I didn't fit the stereotype as a bit of a nerdy guy that used to drive a flashy V8 muscle car and play Metallica at full blast in it too. For example, apparently people thought I'd own a Prius… I didn't own it for attention at all as a shy introvert, I just loved the car and bought one young and silly when I found one for sale for a bargain, of course!

        My GF at the time would get more comments if she drove it, but she basically just said "yes, it is my boyfriends car!" Kind of ends it there really (but she didnt like the presumption regardless).

      • Thanks Payne :)

    • -9

      It was not my intention to start a spirited debate about gender

      Seems like you were

      I should add that I do think there is an element of 'victim shaming' in many of these comments.

      I think there is a sense of victim hood mentality over a simple question.

      Hopefully you have enough responses for any future predicaments.

    • +10

      I've seen a lot of 'just ignore it', 'toughen up' and 'it's just banter' on this thread.

      I feel a bit sad when I hear these statements because I think about all the men who've been taught that it's completely normal to be treated in a way they don't deserve, that someone in their lives have made them feel that 'just joking' is somehow okay when it's really not, when deep down it really does hurt. And of course they feel angry at people (and it is women) who decide they wont stand for it, because why didn't someone ever do that for them?

      I wish more guys would realise they are worth more than they shit they accept from people dressed up as 'social banter'. As someone said earlier in the thread, no one is the arbiter of hurt, except the person being hurt. The idea that laughing off insults, intimidation and bullying is somehow 'tough' is just a big lie told to guys to keep them quiet about the bad behaviour of the more dominant guys. There's nothing tough about keeping quiet, it's designed to disenfranchise and nothing more.

      I've gone through a lot of shit in my life and often wished people had of stuck up for me, I went through a period of feeling angry at people who demanded more and decided the way they wanted to be treated. I've finally realised that while I can't expect anyone to stick up for me, I can still be that change I want to see, and do the thing for people I've always wanted, which is sticking up for them and trying to get them to realise, that everyone is a valid and worthy human and they do not deserve to be spoken to or treated dismissively. Especially not when that bad behaviour is sold as 'banter' in order to dismiss the receivers feelings about it and make them feel worthless.

      • +4

        Your opinion here hurts me as it attacks my social construct.

        I wish you'd learn to not make comments like these as you are directly offending my sensitivities.

        Edit - help, I'm being negged. My hurt is being arbitrated by those other than myself. :(

        • +2

          I'd ask if you're ok, but would hate to hurt you more with an unsolicited comment. oh wait….

          • +6

            @ozhunter: Thank you for sticking up for me/sticking it to me.

            I'm not sure so thank/F you, you thoughtful/insensitive gentleman/bastard.