Aged Care Nightmare - Goodbye Inheritance

LAged Care Nightmare on 24/07/2025 - 08:54
Last edited 24/07/2025 - 08:59

I have been reading some posts lately about people stating they will be relying on inheritance to get their way through life, but today I have my story to tell you.

In the previous month my dad (70s) had a fall and is now bed bound. The hospital doctors are recommending he be moved to aged care.

Here is where the problem lies. I need to find a way to find $600,000 for the residential aged care deposit, or pay the daily fee which is the equivalent of $128 a day.

Guess what, my dad has instructed me not to sell the house at any cost. So here I am with the dilemma that I have to find a way to stump up $128 a day to pay for his care.

What have others done to prevent this scenario from happening? Or is the whole "waiting for inheritance" not a real reality?

Further information about me:

I don't have my own house sadly… So, I am regretting skimping on the stamp duty and waiting for the property to pass upon death at the $100 rate… I can tell you that probably in a majority of situations this transfer never even happens because a majority of people will go to aged care and be forced to sell their family home.

Looks bad right? I was pretty upset when he went to the hospital, but now I'm in an even worse position.

Financial

Comments

  • theHMASfriendship on 24/07/2025 - 08:58
    +77

    Thank you for signing up to tell us about this.

    Have you spotted any bargains recently?

      • Lichen6420 on 24/07/2025 - 12:33
        +68

        Just sell the house. It's not really his choice at this point unless he wants to stump up his own cash to cover the cost of his ongoing care.

    • HerpinDerp on 24/07/2025 - 21:08
      +12

      If he reads enough of JV's dribble he might pass quicker. This could be the dark side of Ozinheritance.

      (pls dont kill me)

      • markathome on 26/07/2025 - 19:42

        Easy to take shots from the cheap seats. Where are the HerpinDerp bangers?

        • Muppet Detector on 26/07/2025 - 22:40
          +1

          On the BBQ.

          Mrs inside preparing the mash and gravy.

    • Unacceptable on 25/07/2025 - 18:04

      I shouldn't laugh but couldn't help reading this.

    • RTX9090Ti on 26/07/2025 - 09:24
      +1

      sitting on their ar*se waiting for inheritance apparently the best biggest bargain of all time.

  • geekcohen on 24/07/2025 - 09:04
    +33

    Have you looked into government funding? What amount his pension?

    pay the daily fee which is the equivalent of $128 a day

    That's cheaper than what it costs me to have my kids in daycare and they are not even there the full 12 hours.

    • Aged Care Nightmare on 24/07/2025 - 09:12
      -1

      I looked up a few of the figures and you need to have less than $60,000 to your name to get a free place, or ~$200,000 for the DAC. That figure I believe requires the sale of the house as well, so literally you would need to transfer the inheritance in advance to protect your assets. I doubt the government funds people that own their own home, but I haven't done the research on that yet.

      You are right, there is an amount from his pension which could go to paying around 40% of that, but I'm not sure if he will be using that money to pay for the television and other services, e.g. air conditioner. I want him to be as comfortable as possible, so I'm not sure what his own expenses will look like. I don't want to use his pension to pay for the accomodation.

      The $128 a day is only for the accomodation as far as I'm aware.

      • geekcohen on 24/07/2025 - 09:17
        +7

        I would look into it further and see what funding might be available. My grandmother is in a nursing home even though she has a house with my grandfather (where he still lives) and there is still some government funding.

        I would also consider looking around at other homes to get an understanding on pricing and what is included. I think it's a bit unfair to have to pay extra if you want to watch TV or use the aircon. But I haven't looked into this stuff a lot as my parents took care of it for my grandmother.

        I don't want to use his pension to pay for the accomodation.

        How else do you fund it? Often, people's pensions cover the cost of their nursing home fees/costs. Hopefully with enough left to help with other little things he may want.

        Your Dad sounds like he is switched on mentally, and it's just the physical side of things he requires assistance with, so it does make it hard to do things without him knowing, etc.

      • [Deactivated] on 24/07/2025 - 17:59
        +2

        No, your home is excluded from the means test.

        • nikey2k27 on 24/07/2025 - 19:21
          +1

          only if his has wife at home or care at need to live in the house

          • [Deactivated] on 24/07/2025 - 20:37

            @nikey2k27: Op, you’re changing your license details.

          • oldspice on 26/07/2025 - 22:32

            @nikey2k27: Yes, if there is someone else living in the house then they would be considered a 'protected person' and house won't be considered for 2 years.

            • Muppet Detector on 26/07/2025 - 22:45

              @oldspice: Depends who that person is, why they're there, how long they've been there for and what they're actually doing there.

              Not enough to be a sin for example, the rules require you to be a dependent son.

      • [Deactivated] on 24/07/2025 - 20:50

        The aged pension should mostly cover it…
        https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/how-much-age-pension-yo…

        • mrtin on 25/07/2025 - 07:02
          +4

          Only a portion of the basic daily care fee. Accommodation fee is on top

          • TilacVIP on 25/07/2025 - 08:43

            @mrtin: unless you have $60k or less asset value, then they'll cover accom. also.

    • CaptainJack on 24/07/2025 - 09:50
      -5

      Having multiple kids that require constant supervision costs more than a single adult that doesn't. News at 11.

      • geekcohen on 24/07/2025 - 10:53
        +11

        Okay, I should have been clearer. It costs me more per day, per kid than $128. Its ~$160 before CCS.

      • serpserpserp on 24/07/2025 - 13:31
        -6

        Yes, people have to pay for health care. News at 11.

      • Daabido on 25/07/2025 - 19:40

        Too late. I'm in bed by then.

    • AustriaBargain on 24/07/2025 - 10:50
      +9

      I've a mate who is paying more to kennel their pets while on holiday.

      • [Deactivated] on 24/07/2025 - 20:36
        +1

        How… they need to shop around..

        • AustriaBargain on 24/07/2025 - 20:46
          +19

          Some people like dogs more than people. A lot more.

  • Ynk on 24/07/2025 - 09:09
    +76

    So he wants to keep all his assets and not contribute to his care costs? If he refuses to sell your options are to rent it out or take out a reverse mortgage.

    • PopCounty on 25/07/2025 - 13:21
      +3

      Probably his dad is concerned about the OP and wants to give hi the house rather selling. Or maybe OP wants the house badly that he’s looking for alternatives. Once the house is sold, it’s no more inheritance to the OP.

      Looking at how OP has emphasised about inheritance, looks more like he’s not too bothered about welfare of his dad. Or is his second priority.

      • MrFunSocks on 25/07/2025 - 15:06
        +7

        Once the house is sold, it’s no more inheritance to the OP.

        Well the money will be the inheritance - these aged care facilities don't keep the entire $600k - they hold it for the length of the stay, they earn and keep the interest from it during said stay, and then they keep some of it when they "leave" the aged care facility. This interest that they earn (and the exit fee) covers the accomodation costs weekly, I believe you still have to pay for food etc.

        So OP could still probably get $500k inheritance out of that $600k that goes to the aged care facility.

        • PopCounty on 25/07/2025 - 15:25

          Yeah right.

  • shaybisc on 24/07/2025 - 09:10

    $900 a week fees - what's his income?

    • BigTop on 24/07/2025 - 11:44
      +13

      My mum passed a year ago. The nursing home had a $900K RAD deposit. On top of this, they took 85% of her Aged Pension, and because she had more than $70K investments ( not much more ) she had to pay an additional $1200 per month. With interest earned for the nursing home on the $900K RAD deposit, plus everything else they took from Mum, they made over $80K per year off her. We were lucky to get the full RAD back on her passing, but now the nursing home keeps 20% of that as far as I know. It’s big bucks for nursing homes.

      • sckill2712 on 24/07/2025 - 13:09
        +15

        It's not cheap to run a nursing home. You could have a look of those financial report of NGOs which runs nursing home and most of them are not earning much in their nursing home sector.

      • DashCam AKA Rolts on 24/07/2025 - 13:23
        +13

        We were lucky to get the full RAD back on her passing

        It was not luck, it is in the title - Refundable Accommodation Deposit.

        This amount is held in a trust like account, repayable to the estate or the person should they leave care. The interest generated from these funds are what pay the effective rent of the Nursing/Care home facilities.

      • serpserpserp on 24/07/2025 - 13:33
        +3

        Sorry. Did you get 100% of your RAD back or 80%? Story is unclear.

      • afayd on 24/07/2025 - 14:24
        +4

        Could someone explain to me the concept of 'deposit' in this context? If it's for the nursing home to generate income from interest, why don't they simply ask for that amount direct instead of asking for a deposit? To me, 'deposit' sounds like 'in the case that something goes wrong, they'll get to keep it'. Are there cases where they get to keep the whole thing?

        • Some Guy on 25/07/2025 - 13:32
          +5

          It is a government-mandated "fee" with which the aged care industry can do as they wish. It is in effect a legal ponzi scheme. The fact that it is funded by the family jewels at the most stressful time in a family's life adds to the suffering.

      • Muppet Detector on 24/07/2025 - 15:17
        +1

        To put it into a bit of perspective NDIS allocates just under$1 million per year for a person requiring 24/7 assisted living.

        Typically in a group home type situation with on site carers etc.

        • john_conner on 24/07/2025 - 22:04
          +3

          …so you are saying NDIS costs ~21x the cost of age care.
          If you paid for individual care 24/7 and payed penalties, the base wages would be over 200k per year…

        • garddn on 25/07/2025 - 07:40
          +15

          NDIS has a budget as big as the Defence Force.
          Should be scrapped and started again.

          • mycosys on 26/07/2025 - 20:12
            +2

            @garddn: The NDIS has given 10s of thousands of humans a chance at a decent life and following their dreams despite being dealt a ah!t hand through no fault of their own. Seems better spent than on Afghani war crimes and torture.

            • tenpercent on 26/07/2025 - 20:28
              -6

              @mycosys: Plenty of non-disabled people have been dealt a sh!t hand through no fault of their own too. So let's start a NTFCPPS (National Trust Funds for Children of Poor Parents Service) and give it a zillion dollars funding.

              • Muppet Detector on 26/07/2025 - 23:29
                +3

                @tenpercent: Way to demonstrate that you don't understand the reasons and chain of events that culminated with the creation of the NDIS.

                Further failure to acknowledge that the NDIS didn't start from scratch with no pre existing funding for the disability sector.

                Disability is supposed to be managed by the Ststes. There was money already allocated by the States for disability services before Gillard reallocated those funds elsewhere and established a national system to satisfy a different set of agreements that she committed Australia to before hand.

                Pretty sure the Children of Poor Parent Service is a social issue and has already been up and running for years, maybe even decades.

                Their servicing and funding model is called (among other things) baby bonus, family tax A & Family tax B, childcare assistance and who knows what else? Effective healthcare, parenting classes and resources and the handouts are ongoing. Worth a mention that if the Parents are slightly financially challenged, there's a whole bunch of other funding that looks like unemployment/carer benefits, health care cards and complimentary access to a standard education.

                I'm sure that you're aware that the majority of those that are captured by the NDIS, are granted access because their diagnosed disability is a life long sentence which impacts every aspect of their lives across a biopsychosocial model that will require support, intervention and management for the rest of their lives and since Gillard dismantled the state based responsibilities, the NDIS is the only disability support that they've been left with.

                You're hardly comparing apples with apples, are you?

                Yet for some reason, you seem to think that they're the same.

                • tenpercent on 27/07/2025 - 07:01
                  -4

                  @Muppet Detector:

                  You're hardly comparing apples with apples, are you?

                  You're right. I'm comparing gold plated apples with any other old bruised and half-rotted apples.

                  • Muppet Detector on 27/07/2025 - 09:13
                    +2

                    @tenpercent: Whilst I acknowledge that those without permanent disabilities have access to the resources to cultivate inclusive, meaningful and purposeful lives, stereotyping all of them as gold plated apples does seem to be a bit presumptuous and disingenuous, doesn't it?

                    Your contempt and disrespect for the disabled however, is quite alarming.

                    • tenpercent on 27/07/2025 - 09:19
                      -1

                      @Muppet Detector: My disrespect is for the NDIS, not for any particular kind of person (unless they're a politician, NDIS manager, or bureaucrat).

                      To quote this comment (which the comment I was replying to was in turn replying to):

                      NDIS… should be scrapped and started again.

                      There's too much waste and middle men/women skimming from the trough. Bang for buck is very low in the current incarnation.

                      • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 27/07/2025 - 10:31
                        -1

                        @tenpercent: What waste exactly?

                      • mycosys on 27/07/2025 - 15:30
                        +2

                        @tenpercent: You really have no clue, do you? you're just spouting what you heard on Sky at best, more likely X.
                        Its the opposite of true.

                      • Nekosynthesis on 27/07/2025 - 19:27
                        +2

                        @tenpercent:

                        There's too much waste and middle men/women skimming from the trough. Bang for buck is very low in the current incarnation.

                        Work in progress, it's excruciating slow but the pace is understandable.

                        Only recently have minimum qualifications been added to NDIA's guidelines etc. Saw their fraud department is hiring too lol.

                        Only in writing so far though but at least it's progress.

                        • tenpercent on 27/07/2025 - 20:25
                          -1

                          @Nekosynthesis: That's good news then.

                          See guys, I'm not a loon with "no clue" for pointing out the waste in the NDIS. The fact they're doing these things (introducing minimum qualifications, expanding their fraud department) indicates I'm correct and they are also fully aware of the waste and the scalpers, and hopefully will start cutting it back.

          • Protractor on 27/07/2025 - 16:22
            +1

            @garddn: Yes,scrap defence funding

      • MrFunSocks on 25/07/2025 - 15:08
        +3

        plus everything else they took from Mum, they made over $80K per year off her.

        You could also say that she paid $80k a year for round the clock care and accomodation/food/etc.

        • BigTop on 25/07/2025 - 17:11
          -2

          Say it anyway you like.

  • pencilman on 24/07/2025 - 09:10
    +1

    I believe there is usually a care fee of >>$100 as well as the daily residential fee, so cost prob >>$300 per day.
    Maybe with some government subsidy.

    • Aged Care Nightmare on 24/07/2025 - 09:16

      Yeah, good point, I can't use any of his pension to pay the accomodation because it will likely go towards his daily care fee.

      I just googled it and it states this: The basic daily care fee is currently $63.82 per day, which equates to 89.15% of the standard full aged pension.

      I am sure his care fee will be higher though…

      • mrtin on 25/07/2025 - 07:04

        Basic daily care fee, plus means tested fee, plus accommodation fee…

  • apu on 24/07/2025 - 09:12
    +19

    Guess what, my dad has instructed me not to sell the house at any cost.

    Guess what, if you have power of attorney, you get to make the decisions which you believe best suit your father's requirements. That might include selling the house to pay for ongoing care.

    • jv on 24/07/2025 - 11:13
      +5

      Guess what, if you have power of attorney

      They likely don't…

    • oldspice on 26/07/2025 - 22:37
      +1

      He would only be able to make financial decisions on behalf of his father if his father no longer had capacity to do so, and he was previously appointed as his father's enduring power of attorney. From what OP has written it sounds like his father still has capacity.

  • pegaxs on 24/07/2025 - 09:20
    +27

    I need to find a way to find $600,000 for the residential aged care deposit

    Yeah, I dont think a "deposit" is going to be $600,000. At $128/day, they are looking to cover if your father doesnt pay for 12 years? What I think you are talking about is a "Lump Sum" payment. Any unused portion will be returned to the estate upon him either leaving or passing away and not requiring any more care.

    dad has instructed me not to sell the house at any cost.

    Well, that is on him then, as it will be taken from his estate. If he doesn't pay or has no ability to pay, then they will not admit him. It kind of sounds like he is cutting off his nose to spite his face. Either way, if he instructs you to not sell the house "at any cost" then where is the cost to be borne for this accommodation? Because you might not have to sell the house now, you may have to sell it after.

    You need to have a sit down talk with your dad and the whole family who is involved (brothers, sisters, etc) and work out just how this is going to be paid. Your dad's stubbornness should not financially ruin other people because "at any price…"

    So here I am with the dilemma that I have to find a way to stump up $128 a day

    No, your father needs to find $128/day. If he has no other assets other than the house, then this may be his only option.

    I think you need to speak to some form of legal advisor on this subject so this doesn't burden you with your father's financial decisions. I have heard of some aged care homes going after the children of patients and having them sign on as being financially responsible in the event of any debts. You need legal advice, not an opinion from a bunch of armchair experts on a bargain forum.

    Anyway, on all that note, I do find it obscenely morbid that some families hang around dying parents just to pick over their dead carcass for any scraps of inheritance and then burn it all up on new cars, holidays or on lawyers fighting with siblings over who gets what share. They stop seeing their parents as living humans that need care and just as a clock waiting to be punched so they can get some scraps. It's like "Oh, mum is 86 this year… we can afford that 6 week holiday to Bali because I know mum has some savings put away for when she passes…."

    • MrFunSocks on 25/07/2025 - 15:12
      +1

      Yep was recently in this position with a relative and they didn't want to sell their house to cover the lump sum, but if they didn't they would burn through their entire savings in about 12 months and then have to sell the house anyway, which would have been essentially just throwning away their entire savings for nothing. Thankfully they understood this and sold the house.

    • Aged Care Nightmare on 24/07/2025 - 09:28
      +15

      No, he is unable to be taken care of at home, which is how he was being taken care of previously whilst I was working at home.

        • Muppet Detector on 24/07/2025 - 15:52
          +17

          My in-laws moved into a nursing home about six months ago.

          (Same one but different rooms).

          They absolutely loved it!

          Plenty of other folk around to talk to engage with.

          Plenty of organised activities for them to access.

          Reasonable level of autonomy whilst having a team of qualified carers, trained in recognising and managing situations, thoughts and feelings older people may experience, on hand should they need any care or other support.

          Option to make their own cuppa and snacks if they're up to it, or someone on hand to do it for them if they're not.

          So many other things they enjoyed during the later stages of their lives but two others were quite important to them

          1) They were able to have good memories of their home as well as not worrying if it were cleaned/looked after properly, adequately maintained etc.

          2) They didn't feel like they were being a burden on any of their children.

          It was an environment which they voluntarily chose to enter and appreciated and enjoyed the time they were able to spend there.

          Unfortunately, MIL, passed away a month or so back, leaving grandad on his own after almost 80 years of marriage, but the friends he made there and the structured nature of the environment, provide him with the necessary support and friendship he needs in addition to providing him with an environment in which he feels safe.

          • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 27/07/2025 - 10:34

            @Muppet Detector: I have in laws with the exact same experience. Fought hard initially, but moved into a nursing home and actually love it, the people and the activities there.

            • Muppet Detector on 27/07/2025 - 17:56
              +1

              @Typical16-bitEnjoyer: The in-laws have a whole bunch of kids, grandkids, respective partners, great grandkids and maybe even a few double G's who would do absolutely anything for them.

              Beloved and cherished by all, and they're definitely nothing like the stereotypical in-laws! They are/were totally awesome and I loved them to bits as well.

              But in their older years, many of their friends have already passed, or moved away and as much as they adored all of their kinder, they're just not the same thing as having a chin wag with friends, so despite never really being alone, they were often very lonely as they became more isolated and further confined to their home.

              Add to that, as their mobility decreased and things stopped working as well as they once did, their self esteem and self worth really took a hit and they found it absolutely frustrating that simple tasks, previously taken for granted, started taking inordinate lengths of time if they even remained possible at all.

              (Granny had a tough time manoeuvring her walker thingy around her bathroom and doing the stuff one normally does in there, for example, it just wasn't big enough to accomodate all the crap she needed and room she needed to do stuff).

              Sure, they were getting old and there were a literal army prepared to step in and sort them out, but they resented their loss of independence and largely saw us as an intrusion of privacy and a reminder of their diminishing autonomy.

              They simply endured our efforts towards their care and were counting down the days until suitable nursing home accomodation became available for them.

              For them, a nursing home was an amazing solution to give them the best quality of life they were able combined with the specialised, necessary care and support that best suited their circumstances.

              It certainly wasn't a failure on our part or a poor reflection about the kind of people we were for "allowing" them to go into care.

              I think that the fact we listened to what they wanted and didn't force ourselves into them to make ourselves feel better was probably one of the greatest things we could have done for them.

        • TrumpisKing on 25/07/2025 - 22:21
          -2

          You are đź’Ż correct

        • SlickMick on 25/07/2025 - 23:24
          +5

          More than three mate. I don't think you understand aged care.

          My mum looked after my grandmother as long as she could, and it was dangerous. My mum was actually trained as a nurse many decades earlier, but wasn't able to adequately look after her. Eventually grandma had to go to a nursing home against her will, where she could get the care she needed.

        • RTX9090Ti on 26/07/2025 - 09:28

          Dude, the nanny state with their laws have their own ways, OP most likely would take care of his dad till the end, but the law say this and that and house and that and blah blah blah, and basically just want to drain OP inheritance away and make him a beggar for the rest of his life. Aged care is lucrative business don't you noe?

        • Muppet Detector on 26/07/2025 - 23:47
          +1

          LOL, just revisiting this sermon at the pulpit to realise, that according to your teachings, it is a requirement for me to accomodate my parents in nursing homes.

          I mean, they packed me off to boarding school when I was at school, seems like it's only fair that I show them that same respect now, eh?

    • JiGaXD on 24/07/2025 - 09:38
      +15

      I don't think this is what OP is getting at. Also, OP might have other commitments like a full-time job or family to take care of. It might not make sense for OP to prioritise aged care for dad at the expense of say time nurturing OP's own children.

        • JiGaXD on 24/07/2025 - 11:11
          +24

          Your example is very narrow and doesn't apply to everyone. You're privileged if you can just go to work and leave whenever you want. Aged care could be for the next 20+ years part-time.

          For example, if you're self employed or working in hospitality, you can't just "leave work as needed".

        • vi9ilante on 24/07/2025 - 13:00
          +15

          Do you go on holidays every year, fly business and give your kid a private school education in a G Wagon? No? That's screwed up bro. You need to get a better job to take care of him, you speak to your employer and HR and explain the situation. I have a child too and he's rich because of me, no big deal. When I felt poor, I was able to storm into work and ask for that raise, no issues. YOU BE A PROPER RESPECTFUL DAD
          At the end of the day it is all excuses.

        • Muppet Detector on 24/07/2025 - 15:37
          +17

          Neither of my parents will ALLOW me to move into their home, far less provide them with 24/7 care.

          Both of my parents would feel so humiliated and ashamed if I were to help them with their showering, toileting or dressing needs.

          Trust me, they don't want me wiping their bums or seeing their "private parts".

          They don't want me to need to clean up their vomit or address any incontinency issues.

          They don't want me washing them or brushing their teeth.

          They don't even want me cutting their finger or toe nails.

          Heck my father won't even let his wife wash his underpants ffs. And when mum washes hers, it's this super secret sneaky exercise and they only get hung on an inside line behind a bunch of other clothes, inside their garage - to stop anybody peeking at her undergarments!

          I don't know if it's because they're really old or just old fashioned, but for them, certain things are private and their child has no business attending to them.

          You have no idea what the circumstances, family dynamics or reasons for why anybody cannot care for their parents positing these later stages of their lives.

          It could even be something as simple as them not being able to safely lift their parent into/out of/onto places and things.

          So many other reasons that clearly that judgmental conga line dancing through your head needs to consider.

          • SlickMick on 25/07/2025 - 23:34
            +3

            @Muppet Detector: I remember my mum trying to care for her mum. I found her dry retching whilst cleaning up a messed up toilet room.
            I told her to take a break and I cleaned it up, then said it was time for grandma to get professional assistance. They might want to remain independent, but sometimes they're beyond that.

            It was far better for everyone to spend good times with grandma and let a trained professional deal with the less fun events.

        • Muppet Detector on 25/07/2025 - 12:49
          +5

          LOL.

          My parents are still in their own home, but at 97 & 103, they are starting to slow down.

          I have offered to move in with them a few days a week. I have begged them to move in with me full time.

          They don't even have to live in the main house with the rest of the family, they could live independently in a little 2 bedroom self contained granny flat about 10 meters from the main house.

          Did it ever occur to you that the father doesn't want to be dependent on the son? Perhaps his personal pride prevents him from considering that?

          Just maybe, the old man doesn't want to be in a position where their kid can dig around and stick his nose into his business!

          A few months ago, one of my brothers visited my parents and rejigged some of their computer settings. As a throwaway comment on his way out, he told mum to be careful where she left her iPad because others could access it easily.

          Fortunately, mum was tuned in enough to mention it to my other brother.

          Seems brother one changed settings to allow him to remotely log into mums computer and devices and have a look around at all her private business including her banking apps and transactions

          Now, I am quite sure his intentions weren't meant to be nefarious, as in he was intending to isolate or swipe all her money, he is independently wealthy enough in his own right to not need to do dodgy stuff like that.

          I'm more inclined to believe that he was just keeping an eye on her that she wasn't getting herself scammed or watching that others weren't trying to bleed her dry. At worst, maybe he was just being nosey.

          But the fact remained, mum didn't want anybody snooping around her private business, particularly not peeking at her financials!

          Now, my brother isn't waiting for an inheritance, but the dude in this OP is. Maybe the father doesn't want the kid meddling in his private affairs and telling him how to manage them!

          Internet is ripe with examples of elder abuse.

          As for taking extended time off work? Even if the boss is on board, from where is the son going to derive the income he needs to support himself that he is no longer getting from his employment?

          —- Sheesh dude… for all we know, the old guy might live another 20 years! For how long is the son supposed to put his life on hold?

        • Muppet Detector on 25/07/2025 - 15:30
          +3

          What a wonderful world your father must exist in where his entire social circle evolves around you.

          Do you provide him with opportunities to engage with other people his age/experiencing life in the manner he is?

          Do you provide him with opportunities to explore and concerns or questions he may have about this stage of his life?

          Do you provide him with opportunities to engage in hobbies and interests he already has, opportunities to learn new ones and opportunities to meet and engage with other people who share similar hobbies and interests as he does?

          Does he ever get a chance to shoot the breeze with somebody other than you?

          Does he ever get to go outside, attend other appropriate outings or do anything else apart from spend his life moving between his bed and the lounge?

          Do you even bath him each day (or whenever he needs to freshen up) and then dress him in clean laundered clothes each time?

          Do you even bother changing him out of his jammies each morning into day clothes and then back into jammies again?

          Meh,

        • RTX9090Ti on 26/07/2025 - 09:30

          your statement is a prime example of "didn't read nor understand the OP full story" but keep "forcing your narrative anyway possible" you probably should make a new thread with your own story.

      • Protractor on 24/07/2025 - 13:39
        -1

        Which part of > Goodbye Inheritance did you miss or misinterpret?

    • BigTop on 24/07/2025 - 11:47

      Good luck with that Bucko.

    • Lunarboogie on 24/07/2025 - 13:59
      +14

      I agree. The majority of responses on here reflect an Anglo-centric world view. As an Asian Australian, my outlook cleaves to mrkorrupt. If I was OP, I'd move into the place and care for dad, certainly initially anyway.

      My first insinct wouldn't be to farm him off to a nursing home and outsource the problem, and then bleat on OzB about 'loosing my inheritance'. This issue isn't all about you.

      Suck it up and deal with the hand that has been dealt you. You wouldn't be here today if not for your dad. I'm not suggesting you flagelate yourself on the alter of filial piety, but you should at least exhaust all options before you settle on the easiest one. Even if just for 12-months or so. You can even consider the $128 you're saving (and the $600k deposit) as your salary.

      Good luck OP. Sometimes life calls you to do the right thing, even when it's tough on you. Foker out.

      • ozb1ozb2ozb3 on 24/07/2025 - 15:20
        +5

        With due respect - OP should feel proud to have the chance to give back to their father, even in a small way.

        While it's true that we can never fully repay what our parents have done for us, especially emotionally and personally, when it comes to finances, some studies estimate that raising a child to adulthood can cost a family over $600K-1M considering cost, loss of income/opportunities etc.

        With that perspective, perhaps OP might consider contributing up to that amount as a gesture of gratitude—before worrying too much about a potential loss of inheritance, which isn’t something anyone is inherently entitled to.

        • Muppet Detector on 24/07/2025 - 16:56
          +5

          Ooohhhhh

          I will walk on water for my parents, and give them anything they want or need within my ability, but only because I want to and I like doing nice things for them that hopefully positively enhance their lives.

          I didn't ask to be born, nor did I have much input into how I was raised. I don't owe them anything but love, respect and gratitude.

          They chose to become parents. Being a parent has certain obligations and responsibilities. If that costs money, then that's on them.

          Doing those parenty things? That's literally their job!

      • tenpercent on 24/07/2025 - 16:19
        +4

        Tbh, it's not really an "Anglo-centric world view" behind OP's "first instict to farm him off to a nursing home and outsource the problem". It's more of a me-me-me attitude and consumerism culture.
        No one in my family has ever done that with elder family members. They've always been taken care of, at least to start with, in their home or they move into the home of family members.

        • skillet on 25/07/2025 - 18:09
          +2

          It's nothing to do with race, I have Greek neighbour with a big family the grands in their 90s moved in a few years ago. The teens looked after them while the parents worked full-time. Which was lovely. They were friendly and warm people with well brought up children. Sometimes it's more about work and financial ability. If wasn't for the kids there won't be anyone looking after the grands. One of them will have to quit and they will be financially limited. I have also plenty of Indian friends who lives with their elderly parents.

      • garddn on 25/07/2025 - 07:44

        Bit of race there. Careful

      • SlickMick on 25/07/2025 - 23:42
        +1

        I'm married to a similar culture, or I thought so. But in my wife's culture, there is a large extended family providing assistance. So as it turns out, immediate family actually don't do the messy, hands on things. Others step in and do that stuff so that immediate family only share the good stuff and don't tarnish it with messy things that could tarnish good memories.

        So in a way, I find in this regard, the Anglo-centric approach has perfected the "it takes a village" approach, and those trying to look after parents themselves aren't doing anybody any good.

      • SpotTheOzzie on 26/07/2025 - 23:12

        Call a spade a spade here.

        To say that some bloke making a self centred post with the majority responses in a similar vein are anglo centric is bullshit. You've randomly high horsed Australian Asians vs Anglos when its not even an anglo value.

        Im married into a Chinese family and have witnessed firsthand prety hefty backstabbing when money became involved.

        Happens everywhere. Being a dick isn't race based pal.

      • cfuse on 28/07/2025 - 02:16
        +1

        I'm white and I spent 20 years caring for my father before it became too dangerous to do so (dementia in him, mental health issues in me).

        People considering nursing homes need to consider like for like. Sure, it's expensive day to day, but I can assure you that paying for a dependent in home isn't cheap either. You tally that to a daily rate and it won't be as cheap as you assume. Get financial and legal advice and then make the choice that makes sense.

        The truth is that it is about you too. I'm not going to say I regret my choices, but I will gladly say they came at very steep cost. Time can never be regained. You will age much faster when you are a carer. When it stops it will take years for you to recover from the shock of it, and you will never recover completely. What is really happening here isn't about money, it's about you trading some of your life for theirs. Not everyone can do that, and not everyone wants to do that. Know who you are before you make that commitment because you aren't coming back from it.

    • Muppet Detector on 24/07/2025 - 15:55
      +8

      How do you even know if he was in the picture when OP was a child, or if he was, that he was a decent father that treated his son well, eh?

      Assumptions much?

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