The Perils of Selling on FB Marketplace

johninmelb on 26/08/2025 - 19:50
Last edited 27/08/2025 - 11:33

Given that the internet is awash with stories about people buying and selling stuff on FB Marketplace, this humourous story turned up in my FB tonight from a friend. Haven't had a good laugh for ages. I thought I would try sharing it.

EDIT - Dustin Sims is a American comedian. https://www.facebook.com/simscomedy/

Dustin Sims
7h
·
Selling shit on FB Marketplace is like volunteering for a social experiment run by meth heads.

I listed a microwave for $50. Within 12 seconds my inbox looked like I was giving away crack rocks dipped in Jesus blood. First message “Is this available?” YES, Deborah. It was available 14 seconds ago when you asked, and it’s still available now that you ghosted me like my father.

Then come the bargain hunters. “Will you take $5, a coupon for Jiffy Lube, and a handful of my ex husband’s ashes?” NO, BRENDA. I don’t want your cremation starter kit. I said fifty bucks..

And why does everyone’s pickup plan sound like an FBI sting? Them “I’ll be there at 6.” Me “Cool.” 6 o’clock hits. Nothing. 7 o’clock. “Sorry, my cousin got locked up.” BITCH, what does that have to do with my microwave?

Finally, they show up in a Prius the size of a lunchbox. Six grown adults hop out like it’s Cirque du Soleil.. trying to shove a microwave, two kids, and a pit bull into the backseat. Grandma’s smoking a Virginia Slim, the baby’s chewing on my extension cord. Whole scene looked like an episode of Intervention.

At that point I don’t even want the fucking money. Just take it. Take the microwave, take my soul, take the ghost of every bad decision that led me here.

Marketplace ain’t about selling shit. It’s a psychological test to see how far you’ll go for gas money before you set your house on fire.

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Comments

  • AustriaBargain on 26/08/2025 - 20:03
    +13

    "is it available" is a default message prompt, you should take it as "I'm interested in this".

    • spackbace on 26/08/2025 - 20:47
      +16

      I appreciate the auto-response now "yes. Are you interested?"

      And then crickets

      • AustriaBargain on 26/08/2025 - 21:41
        +15

        You shouldn't even get a notification until something is written after those initial auto responses. Facebook should hire me and get me to fix everything, make Facebook good again.

      • EightImmortals on 27/08/2025 - 06:57
        +2

        I've found the opposite, a few times now I've reached out to sellers, sometimes multiple times (using auto reply and typed messages) and had no reply. Is it that hard to hit reply and say "It's already sold"?

        • payton on 27/08/2025 - 11:40
          +8

          Don't use the template 'is this available', its just peak laziness. I wouldn't prioritise/respond when I have other buyers.

        • pjetson on 29/08/2025 - 12:02
          +1

          had no reply

          I've had the same experience. Most facebook sellers ignore potential buyers - I don't understand why they bother listing things they clearly don't want to sell.

        • dirtybigbjelke on 29/08/2025 - 14:02

          Yes! Sent multiple enquiries only to have the item deleted straight after, also have sometimes fat fingered the "Is this still available" button by mistake. Usually a polite follow up saying my mistake is enough but I once copped abuse that must have been bad enough for Facebook to delete haha

        • SarcasticEmu on 29/08/2025 - 23:57
          +1

          I once reached out to a seller offering a device that seemed too good to be true. They quickly redirected me to WhatsApp. When I told them I’d come pick up the item, they suddenly claimed to be located in the middle of nowhere. It felt like a setup. a wild goose chase meant to waste my time once I didn’t fall for their scam.

      • payton on 27/08/2025 - 11:35
        +1

        do some days at work feel like that, too?

      • Dr Phil on 27/08/2025 - 18:11
        +5

        Yep. 95% dont reply after you say "Yes".

        So many time wasters

      • TightLikeThisx on 27/08/2025 - 23:48
        +3

        That's because on some phones if they click on the add to see the details then scroll down their thumb will accidentally press that button. A sound is played but not everyone may notice or they may just be lazy and ignore your messages.

    • ddhar on 27/08/2025 - 11:12
      +2

      So sick of this question; next time I'll counter with "What is Available?".

      • Dr Phil on 27/08/2025 - 18:12

        More like "Yes but are you available?"

    • smartazz104 on 27/08/2025 - 12:11
      +1

      They should change the default to "I'm interested in this".

      • cfuse on 27/08/2025 - 12:30
        +8

        They should either change the default to blank and won't send until you write something, or to a system that is basically an auction that handles bids, payments, collection times, and everything else without requiring unnecessary manual supervision.

      • Dr Phil on 27/08/2025 - 18:12
        +1

        yes, its more of a committment

        But best just to remove all the prompted replies.

      • braddsey on 27/08/2025 - 19:38
        +1

        I put in my listings that I won't respond to "Is this available", and if the person is really interested they need to actually write something like "Hi <seller>, is this available". If the buyer is too lazy to personalise a message, then they're either a scammer, or going to be a shit to deal with anyway. Not worth the time to respond.

        • MrFrugalSpend on 28/08/2025 - 18:00
          -1

          Interesting, because even as a genuine buyer I try to avoid responding to ads that say "won't respond to "Is this available"" or the worse one is "If the ad is up, it's available, so don't ask me" etc - because as mainly a buyer: (a) I've had too many clowns also who have kept ads up even though it is "pending" or "awaiting someone to pick it up" or already sold and they forgot or haven't got around to taking it down yet when I enquire plus I've also seen unique items I've already bought still listed for days; and (b) at least up until I've read this to explain why, such statements I've thought kind of make you sound like the d!ckhead that I may want to avoid dealing with.

          I get it, there are plenty of timewasters out there - but it's the default question, and a genuine one at that, not a personal affront. I guess I haven't tried selling enough to know how annoying it is to get that default message all the time. But "not worth the time to respond?" - You've literally already read the message to see if it says something unique, its less than 3 seconds to press reply and "yes" then send. Then by all means ignore the timewasters that never respond back again thereafter!

          Maybe write "please write a personalised enquiry rather than the default "is this available" question" to give some more positive context, rather than something that sounds very abrupt.

          • rumblytangara on 28/08/2025 - 19:47
            +4

            @MrFrugalSpend:

            I get it, there are plenty of timewasters out there - but it's the default question, and a genuine one at that, not a personal affront.

            The problem is that it's the "default question" and the default population of Facebook is a very, very low standard. I will only bother to respond to messages written by an actual human. And when I want to ask if something is "still available" will take the time to write like a human being. e.g. "I see the ad's been up for a month, just checking that you still have it for sale?"

            I've been told by sellers that they decided to sell to me purely because I seemed to be a real human being, and not a timewasting bot.

            If the buyer is too lazy to personalise a message, then they're either a scammer, or going to be a shit to deal with anyway. Not worth the time to respond.

            This encapsulates it perfectly. Especially the second half.

        • V2L on 29/08/2025 - 07:10
          +2

          If I'm selling something of reasonable value I actually put in description "say (insert random object eg. pineapple" in your message to let me know you are serious. this weeds out scammers or timewasters who obviously didn't even read the description

        • dirtybigbjelke on 29/08/2025 - 14:03
          +1

          It's very easy to just accidentally hit the send button when on your phone, I wouldn't take it too personally.

      • blackwind on 28/08/2025 - 10:45
        +1

        New reply after: Yes it is available, are you interested?
        Buyer: Yes

        then nothing……. :D welcome to facebook marketplace
        Another problem, you can't leave one star review, because the buyer can see it, and they will give you back one star.
        Its sad all the sellers suffer this crazy trend of facebook bs!

  • Sunny84 on 26/08/2025 - 20:07
    +16

    Hi, is this available?

    • MrFrugalSpend on 28/08/2025 - 18:07
      +1

      Yes - are you interested?

      • KernelPanic on 29/08/2025 - 22:58

        Not really. Just browsing.

        • CocaKoala on 30/08/2025 - 00:14

          Now you've ruined it. That message should have just been ignored.

    • uzz30 on 28/08/2025 - 16:26
      +1

      Dunno why you got neg'd on this - Where Is Bed: Lou Wall's Facebook Marketplace musical | Melbourne International Comedy Festival is incredibly funny

  • George Washington on 26/08/2025 - 20:29
    +6

    Gave away some soil + mulch recently the dude that came some 60yo man kept yapping on and on and on.. No joke just take the soil and leave

    • cfuse on 27/08/2025 - 12:32
      +1

      Don't like the noise, pay for your own fill to get hauled off.

    • aragornelessar on 27/08/2025 - 22:31
      +1

      You're lucky - I got a abuse cause the guy was too slow and lost the 'first in, first served' battle. Not even worth giving away stuff sometimes. Usually the nutters without proper pictures on FB are a good sign to avoid

      • George Washington on 29/08/2025 - 08:55

        He was a nice dude, just single alone widowed too many ideas

  • djones145 on 26/08/2025 - 20:36
    +14

    ill buy it! but im stuck on an oil rig, can i send fedex to pick it up?

  • DashCam AKA Rolts on 26/08/2025 - 20:37
    +2

    ADAFMHS?

  • MS Paint on 26/08/2025 - 21:18
    +9

    Jiffy Lube, Prius - obviously originated in the US of A

  • Far Cough on 26/08/2025 - 21:32
    +13

    i sold a dishwasher and the dude rocked up with a yaris to pick it up.
    somehow it fit.

    • Axelstrife on 26/08/2025 - 23:37
      +1

      Has someone show up to pickup my old fridge freezer 400-500l one he had somekind of SUV, half the fridge was hanging out the back when he drove off.

      • ihbh on 27/08/2025 - 07:45
        +3

        Here's another perspective. I can buy new and get it delivered, but I try to be sustainable and teach my kids the principle and even if you are well off, spending below your means means it's harder to get into financial grief.

        Anyway, I disassemble large Vegepods and can easily fit into my Camry, compost bins, and sometimes long flat pack things hang out, especially since I don't want to remove the kids car seats and fold down the back seats. But I make sure the bungees holding everything in place are sound, etc.

        • Axelstrife on 27/08/2025 - 09:11
          +1

          Nothing against buying used or free, it’s the dumb and dangerous ways people try to pick things up.

          The fridge I was giving away for free too, but it was like 15 plus years old and large and a lot heavier than the similar sized one I bought to replace it.

    • cfuse on 27/08/2025 - 12:34
      +3

      If you have a yaris then you already have a different attitude to life.

    • doperst on 27/08/2025 - 14:46
      +2

      I owned a Yaris - it was surprisingly spacious! With the back seats folded down, you could probably fit a small elephant in there.

      • MrFrugalSpend on 29/08/2025 - 07:28

        Yaris and Honda Jazz - they are like a Tardis

    • druex on 27/08/2025 - 20:57
      +1

      Yaris' can fit just about anything. I transported 300kg of furniture in my 10 year old one.

      • rumblytangara on 28/08/2025 - 10:38

        Well, that's 4 adults, so yeah :)

        • quick-dry on 28/08/2025 - 12:09

          adults as furniture? I pity the poor bastard playing coffee table when that one guy doens't use a coaster

    • xuqi on 29/08/2025 - 11:58

      You can teasily fit one in the right Yaris:

      https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/396880401507

  • niyiaw on 26/08/2025 - 21:36

    Thanks for the hilarious read. It's funny… coz it's true…

  • McMaferMur on 26/08/2025 - 21:43
    +6

    How about a buyer who come and say sorry short of $5 … even though we have agreed on the price 2 days ago…

    • skillet on 27/08/2025 - 09:21

      Tell them haggling surcharge $5 then give them the cricket treatment.

    • bamzero on 27/08/2025 - 11:14
      +3

      How bout the ones that negotiate before, "will you take $45 instead of $50?" then show up with a $50 note and ask for change.

      • smartazz104 on 27/08/2025 - 12:12
        +2

        Then you say "sorry I'm short $5"…

    • cfuse on 27/08/2025 - 12:37
      +3

      "I have other buyers". Works every single time.

  • fantombloo on 26/08/2025 - 23:21

    The Perils of….

    Pretty tied up hanging upside down.

  • Axelstrife on 26/08/2025 - 23:34
    +7

    Im ok with the is it available messages its the fking "Location?" ones that come after, like ready the god damn listing where i state the location in ALL of my listings.

    I swear i could type anything in there cause no one reads it ffs.

    • ihbh on 27/08/2025 - 10:06
      +4

      You'd think location is almost as important (if not more in some cases) than price. But some people who list heaps, don't include it!

    • Greg McGregerson on 27/08/2025 - 13:54

      Agree. You put the location in the title in caps - they still ask…

    • PissLUR on 27/08/2025 - 14:11

      I always answer with its on the description.

      • miicah on 28/08/2025 - 09:12
        -1

        There's a (profanity) MAP you can click on, I don't understand how people find it that difficult?

        Then again, half the things my wife wants, the map shows it's two streets over and after 2 days of pulling teeth with the seller she finds out it's actually an hour fifteen drive because people are idiots.

        • PissLUR on 28/08/2025 - 09:59
          +1

          yeah the map doesnt indicate your suburb location. so if its not written in the description, the first thing that i will always ask is the suburb for pickup.

          • miicah on 28/08/2025 - 12:24

            @PissLUR: It does if you set it correctly when creating the ad.

        • rumblytangara on 28/08/2025 - 10:39
          +1

          Something like 20% of the maps show the location as the CBD.

          • miicah on 28/08/2025 - 12:26

            @rumblytangara: They created the ad while they were at work. It uses your current location when creating the ad.

            • rumblytangara on 28/08/2025 - 13:31

              @miicah: Well, point stands- a lot of the time the map is not useful. Though I'm assuming they are deliberately trying to be vague on location to get more interest.

            • moph on 28/08/2025 - 23:42

              @miicah: I don't think this is the reason, because the map is very often in exactly the same location in the CBD. I think it's when people haven't given location permissions to the browser when they created the ad.

              And even when the maps show some particular suburb, sometimes it's wrong - maybe because of the reason you suggest. So unfortunately unless the pickup location is mentioned in the ad, buyers will have to ask because the map just can't be trusted.

          • PissLUR on 28/08/2025 - 13:04

            @rumblytangara: That's how you get traffic. It's done intentionally.

        • bhubb18 on 28/08/2025 - 11:44
          +1

          To be fair the map can be wayyyyy off

        • oooooooo ahhhhhhh on 28/08/2025 - 12:00
          +1

          I've organised to buy something from someone probably around 10 minutes away (indicated by the map). On the day I ask for the exact address and it's a 3 hours drive away. The seller was completely unaware the map was wrong

    • Windows7forever on 29/08/2025 - 19:20

      100%

  • Stealtho on 27/08/2025 - 08:19
    +1

    I find it good for selling buying not so much.
    Have sold thousands worth of stuff over the last few years.

  • rumblytangara on 27/08/2025 - 08:28
    +3

    That read like an AI regurge.

    • johninmelb on 27/08/2025 - 11:34
      -3

      Dustin Sims is a American comedian. https://www.facebook.com/simscomedy/

    • smartazz104 on 27/08/2025 - 12:13

      Too many big words?

      • rumblytangara on 27/08/2025 - 13:18

        Nah, it just came across as a pale imitation of older and sharper material in the same vein.

        Was this from an actual human (i.e. that Dustin Sims guy)?

        • serpserpserp on 28/08/2025 - 11:14

          Yes. These made up comedy stories have been done forever and much better

    • jacross on 27/08/2025 - 16:27

      Agreed. Comedy is hard, as evidenced by this post.

  • tabitha731 on 27/08/2025 - 08:29
    +1

    thank you for this entertaining read.. have had the same experience lately too… been scammed twice in a row, and ghosted after the buyer has made enquires. i now only interact with messages that have a non- template response

  • skillet on 27/08/2025 - 09:20
    +12

    FB just works for me, I can list something in under 5 minutes and if the price is right, I get to sell it within a day or two. Once you are regular you will be able to tell the genuine buyers.

    There's so many times I have things which are too old for money, I put it up on FB for free they are gone within hours.

    Ghosting, last minute haggle, please deliver to XXX, I met with an accident, car stop working etc is most polite rejection for potential buyer change of mind so don't take it to heart.

    FB isn't suitable for anyone sellers but if you are a person who can accept any friends from all walks of life then it will work very well.

    • ihbh on 27/08/2025 - 10:04
      +7

      Ghosting, last minute haggle, please deliver to XXX, I met with an accident, car stop working etc is most polite rejection for potential buyer change of mind so don't take it to heart.

      Excellent pro mindset.

      Yep, don't take anything to heart, it's just a transaction. And … don't count your chicks until you get the cash in your hand.

      • frewer on 28/08/2025 - 06:51

        Are your chick eggs still available?

  • Cheaplikethebird on 27/08/2025 - 09:31
    +1

    Does anyone ever come when they say??! Every single time I list something I get someone who will hit me up with a time that day, then once they get the address they magically have something come up (grandma's seem to be doing terribly lately).

    My theory is that these people are just doomscrolling marketplace and by reaching out to secure an item they get the same sort of endorphin hit they would from making an online shopping purchase but without have to make any sort of financial or time commitment. When the time comes to follow through on their purchase and actually commit time/effort the high has worn off and they're no longer interested in the item.

    • Stealtho on 27/08/2025 - 11:39
      +4

      I tell them to message 30 mins before coming and then I give the address, works 99% of the time. Never the day before people change their mind or whatever.

      • Cheaplikethebird on 27/08/2025 - 13:29

        Yeah no that's exactly what I do. Still happens. Twice over the last weekend.

    • ihbh on 27/08/2025 - 22:42
      +1

      Just 10 days ago I had a buyer say: "I can come now I’m in [same suburb] I can be there in 3mins."

      I rush out to a house around the corner with the stuff (I sell from a place 2 doors away, around the corner) and almost immediately the buyer is there. I recognise her as the au pair of a friend down the street.

      • bhubb18 on 28/08/2025 - 11:46

        Haha, we had someone from across the road come over. 10/10 response time

  • coffeeinmyveins on 27/08/2025 - 09:55
    +4

    My favourite is when they ask if I can drop it off to their house. I'm selling a $20 shoe rack, not a car.

    • Greg McGregerson on 27/08/2025 - 13:58
      +4

      I've had a request to deliver a free item to the other side of the city…

    • braddsey on 27/08/2025 - 19:43

      I often deliver locally if someone asks. I want this shit out of my house, and if I can deliver it then I don't have to give some random my address, and I know they'll be there.

      • skillet on 28/08/2025 - 09:22
        +1

        I have been ghosted long ago. The buyer claim to live around 30km away, so we planned to meet half way. Never came never reply to my messages.

        From then onwards I get their phone numbers before agreeing to anything else. The genuine buyers will give you their numbers.

        • braddsey on 28/08/2025 - 10:14

          we got ghosted by someone delivering a big piece of furniture to someone for my mum almost into Melbourne CBD. Shitheads were in communication with us until about 5 minutes before we delivered.

          Dropped the item at Salvos and thought nothing more of it.

          • ihbh on 28/08/2025 - 14:11

            @braddsey: At least you got to keep the money. :)

            • braddsey on 28/08/2025 - 21:13

              @ihbh: What money? Cash only!
              (I was the seller, not the buyer)

              • ihbh on 28/08/2025 - 21:30

                @braddsey: It was meant to be /s.

                I wouldn't deliver anything w/o money first.

  • Worf on 27/08/2025 - 10:18

    Thanks for the lols, I sold an old box air conditioner on fb marketplace a while back… and gees that was an experience to say the least. It was a lot of hassle; however, the person who actually came in the end was super nice and appreciative.

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