[April Fools] 澳八根将全面中文化 (Announcement: OzBargain Is Changing to Chinese)

For those too sensitive to see it, yes it is an April Fools Day joke, something that we have been doing every year for the last couple of years. See our April Fools post in 2017 #1, 2017 #2, 2016, 2015, 2014 and 2013. See response.


Original Post
澳大利亚在改变,澳八根也需要改变

澳大利亚 2016 年人口调查指出:

  • 有超过五十万中国出生的华人住在澳大利亚
  • 十分之一的悉尼人口是华裔血统
  • 十万个中国留学生在澳大利亚的大学读书

因为地理上靠近远东邻邦,许多海外学生留下了成为居民以及越来越多的移民,澳大利亚的亚洲话是避免不了的。你只要看看去年澳八根网聚的照片和直播就知道-你将不难发现在在澳八根上占强势的人群是哪些!

但这不仅仅只关乎在澳大利亚的华人人口。还有就是中国的购买能力。最近十年来中国扫空了澳大利亚的奶粉鱼油,买了我们的房子,买了我们的农地,买了我们的煤矿,甚至还买了我们的政府官员。很明显地他们对便宜货也是很有兴趣的。几个星期前我与一个澳八根客聊天,他现在在另一家折扣网站工作,市场是在澳大利亚的中国人。他的网站突然挤爆从中国的访客来买澳洲这的奢侈品(iPhone X, 名牌包等等)假想澳八根也可借此打开有十四亿潜力的市场?喀亲!

所以为了更好地照顾不断改变的澳八根客以及让这网站打开更大的市场,澳八根决定改变它的方向。我们的主题色调将采用中国伟大的红色,而语言也将慢慢地转变为中文。在论坛里每当有人问应该学哪种语言,被推荐的绝对是中文。电视剧萤火虫与冲出宁静号早在十五年前就已经知道未来的人一方面用英文沟通,另一方面用中文粗话彼此诅咒,而我们都知道哪种表达方式更重要!

已完成的改变

  • 网站名从 OzBargain 改成澳八根,并以红色为主题色
  • 最上头选单改为中文
  • 公告都将用中文,但有介于一些土澳语言能力有限,将附上一小段英文概要
  • 主页上小米专用链接。这是澳八根最爱的一个中国品牌,但可惜的是他们还是没有赞助我们复活节的寻宝项目

其他改变计划

  • 要是访客从中国来,自动把价钱转换到人民币
  • Udemy 将提供学习普通话课程的优惠码
  • 房地产优惠讯息,特别是精英中学附近的
  • 链接到代购网站帮助你把所购买的运回中国

最后,谁然我们尚未与党的数据仓库订好协议,但敏感话题还是不要提,比如说西藏与台湾的独立等等。它们会在不通知情况下被和谐掉。

最最后。这边谁有马云叔叔的联络方式?想问问他有没有兴趣收购一个澳大利亚折扣分享网站…


Australia is changing, and so should OzBargain

According to 2016 census and various stats that I cannot be bothered linking to, there are now

  • More than 1/2 million China-born Chinese living in Australia.
  • More than 10% of Sydneysiders claim to have Chinese ancestry.
  • More than 100,000 Chinese overseas students studying in universities around Australia.

China & Australia Flags

With geographic proximity to our East-Asian neighbours, overseas students becoming permanent residents after graduation and increasing influx of immigration — Australia becoming more Asianised is inevitable. Taking a look at photos and livestream from previous year's OzBargain meetups, and it is not hard to figure out OzBargain's dominating demographic.

However it's more than just the Chinese population in Australia. It is also about China's purchasing power. Over the last decade China has cleared out our milk powder & fish oil, bought out our flats & houses, our farmlands, our coal mines and even our politicians — and they are obviously also looking for bargains. A few weeks ago I had a chat with an OzBargainer who now works at a competitor deal site targeting Chinese in Australia. Instead of local traffic, his site is flooded with visitors from China shopping for luxury products in Australia (iPhone X, designer bags, etc). Imagine opening up OzBargain to 1.4 billion potential shoppers?! Ka-ching!!

2018 OzBargain Meetup in Chatswood

So, to serve the ever-changing OzBargain demographic better AND to open this site to a huge potential market, OzBargain has also decided to change its course. OzBargain will now embrace the glorious Chinese-red (our new theme colour) and gradually change the language to Chinese. After all whenever "what language should I learn" got asked in the forums, the answer has always been Mandarin. Firefly/Serenity got it right 15 years ago — in the future most people will speak English and swear in Mandarin, and we all know which form of expression is more important.

Firefly Cursing in Chinese

What's Changing

  • Our name will be changed to ào bā gēn and theme colour to red.
  • Top navigation menu will all be changed to Chinese.
  • Announcement will be done in Chinese, and for those who are linguistic challenged, a brief English translation will also be included.
  • Dedicated Xiaomi link on the home page. That's the Chinese brand we all love. Unfortunately they still won't sponsor our Easter treasure hunt.

Planned Improvements

To realign with our future goal, these changes are planned for the rest of the year:

  • Automatically show prices in ¥ Renminbi if you are visiting from China. We just need a bit adjustment to our implementation last year.
  • Exclusive coupon code for free Mandarin lessons at Udemy.
  • Real Estate Bargains section, especially houses around Selective high schools.
  • Quick links to mail forwarding service to send Australian products back to China.

Finally, while we have not yet finalised a deal with CCP on their "data warehousing" project, it would be impolite to mention taboo subjects such as Tibet or Taiwan independence. These will be removed without notification.

PS: Anyone has Uncle Ma Yun's contact detail handy? I would like to ask him whether he is interested in acquiring a little Australian deal sharing website…

Comments

        • +3

          R u sure u r not brainwashed by your beloved/always-truth western media?

        • +3

          yep definitely should go with the American social model. Start handing out guns and let the 1% of the population have all the wealth and power over the other 99%. Democracy at its finest.

        • +3

          You assume Chinese patriotism is support for the CCP.

          Certain issues there are long historical grievances, legacy from the century of humiliation. Territorial disputes for one, China and Taiwan claims are near exact, legacy from Republic of China.

          You have to understand the history behind it rather than what media shoves down your throat.

        • @Frozensage: It is fair to say it is far from perfect (along with many other western countries), yet many (most?) are far worse.

          Worth remembering - just my opinion.

        • @Ragnarok1983: you do realise media in the western world is the least powerful in the world. Overwhelmingly people look at it critically. Just look at Brexit and Trump, people went against what the media overwhelmingly told them to do. That would never happen in China.

      • -4

        Separate Chinese into different group will not do u any good. To any other foreigners, U always been seeing as a Chinese not matter where u born. Hate one is hate all.

        Maybe u can pretending you are from korea or Japan, problem solved for u. You just need to learn the language.

        • +5

          What an utter load of drivel!

        • so if i hate religion that likes to blow theirselft into a crowd than i have to hate all those who embrace that religion????

    • It depends on how brainwashed they are, so many Chinese study overseas, and if they haven't opened their eyes after that there's no hope for them. Though the ones who don't are usually the same shitheels we have here homophobes, bigots, sexists, racists etc, basically the ignorant and hateful ones.

      • Nothing wrong with being racist or sexist. You can have an opinion about a race long as u keep it to urself.

        • Come on, it’s pas noon, no more jokes.

    • The label Chinese doesn't necessarily mean we agree with CCP and the Chinese government.

    • Pointless question - everyone hates PRCs.
      (ABC here)

  • +9

    First sell Xiaomi, second take over ozbargain and third conquer the world

    Whoever controls ozbargain, controls the world!

    • Reminded me of the quote from the game, "whoever controls the spice controls Dune"

    • +2

      The deals must flow

  • +19

    Just woke up to my clocks showing the wrong time, a giant rabbit sneaking around the house, and now this…

    • a giant rabbit sneaking around the house

      Easteril Fool?

      • +15

        I think he means keep Australia white.

        • +17

          No he is saying that in the past decade, Paramattas crime rate has gone down and education has gone up. He is quite sad to see such improvements and would like to revert back to the old days where killing and being dumb is a good things.

        • i wonder how easy it is for australians to get chinese citizenship, surely it's just a property purchase away and i am sure the chinese population as a whole would have absolutely no problem with their second biggest city in their largest province becoming majority white within a couple of decades with the trend increasing

          in fact.. i reckon anyone to even question the notion will be slammed by the population in general as a racist

          heh.. it's all so ridiculous isn't it

        • @centrelink:

          As a matter of fact he could be Chinkston Bigsby. Bogan Asian who really hate Asian
          *Trigger warning : Please dont take the joke out of context, It's Dave Chappelle reference

  • +5

    This belong in the forums…reported to Jin XPing.

  • 不错的愚人节

  • 今天是四月初二和十二岁! :D

  • +4

    Ho Li Fuk. Nice one

    • Is that in Cantonese, could not understand meaning despite reading few times.

  • +17

    This post is not harmonious and makes poor 社会诚信. This will affect your Social Credit Score dearly.

  • I’m must say my first thought was North Korea has taken us over and all deals were to be now approved by Kim Jong-un himself.

    • +8

      He took a train ride to Beijing the other day to discuss the opportunity of NKBargain. It did not work out as he insisted taking nuclear bombs and ICBMs out from the list of banned items.

  • -1

    Sitting on my wet pants, you almost got me.

  • +5

    Where are the bargains for baby formula?

  • +5

    Ni hao

  • +6

    把文章的作者换成澳洲原住民,再把文中的“中国人”换成白人,此文一样通顺。

    虽然这是愚人节笑话,但是对于澳洲的一个重要群体来讲,这并不好笑。

    • +2

      Friends, how do you write "butthurt" in Chinese?

      • -3

        And in aboriginal language?

        • +3

          -1

          I now regret exhausting my daily downvotes on the spoilers above.

          And by the way, Aboriginal people didn't have a written language.

        • @Scrooge McDuck: And in chinese people don’t use the word “butthurt”, nor asking other ethic groups how to say that in their languages.

          You can do -100000 if you want, I am not the one who started it.

        • +2

          @Hsinking:

          And in chinese people don’t use the word “butthurt”,

          I can't say I'm surprised. Many don't understand the concept.

        • U draw a circle and then a kangaroo?

        • +5

          @Hsinking: Actually, we do use the word "butthurt" or "玻璃心" which literally means "glass heart" for its super fragility. It's just not in everybody's dictionary.

      • I think it is 'Kuan Ni Ma'… just ask like a question. I have no idea but it sounds right LOL!

      • Da Ji-Ba Hifi

    • Translated: "Replacing the author of the article with the Australian aborigines, and then replacing the “Chinese” in the article with a white man, this article is as smooth. Although this is April Fool's Day joke, it is not funny for an important group in Australia."

      Get off your high horse, every group is important in Australia. Most humor will make light of a group of people, and it's healthy to be able to take some of it.

      • -2

        Speaking on my horse: as adults, we all know whether this is a joke today( all deleted). Making jokes is fine, no matter it is about Chinese or not, but what happened today has crossed boundary.

  • wow people don't sleep here…

    But yeah. hard to navigate to log in and comment.

    • +10

      True Ozbargainers use their thumb's muscle memory. Just close your eyes and use the Force like Uncle Mao would have.

  • +5

    Gr8 b8 m8 I r8 it 8/8

  • Got a bit scared for a moment then I looked at the date.
    Good one @Scotty

    • Bas-tards! They got me! :) I thought what next? Ozb advertising animal parts for fertility/aphrodisiac?

  • +1

    I support our new chinese overlords.

    • +17

      I think you've put too much msg in your Wontons.

  • +1

    Scotty did you declare the donations you received from the Chinese Communist Party?

  • +1

    Darn, I fell for it! I'm in the us atm so it's still the 31st…

    Only figured it out when I saw the dates on the posts :(

  • We build for China!

    I'll suck the internet dry!

    Speaker tower will be ready soon!

  • +3

    HAPPY APRIL FOOL's. FOOLS!!!!

    • +2

      How come Xi Jinping soldiers didn't neg your comment? What's the trick, mate? haha

  • +1

    There sure are many salty people in OzB, the funny thing is most of them understands Mandarin

  • +1

    applause happy Easter every body

  • April Fool!!!

    • Tadanggg… You got it.

  • +1

    It's going to get rude around here.

    • -2

      Clearly this post is not neutral, it means a lot.
      why not simply using bucket, eneloop intead to give more fun?

      • +1

        🚨🚨🚨 *WHOOP WHOOP* 🚨🚨🚨

        Watch out everyone, the joke police are here!

        • +1

          shame on those in the name of joke but actually have no basic respect to other culture.
          can I MARK you as racist?👈👈👈👈do not mind, it's my joke dedicately for you.

        • @pc6673: 落ち着いて中国人

        • @hooyn:tu n'es qu'un lâche

  • +1

    The deals are still in English and so is the rest of the site. Not a good front end job.

  • +2

    Ths is not a joke. This is a prophecy.

  • +5

    一早打开网页亮瞎了我的钛金狗眼

  • Chinese hackers are at it again. Will see ozbaragin up for sale soon.

  • Ni Hao. Xie Xie

  • +2

    河蟹 河蟹 河蟹 河蟹 河蟹 河蟹 河蟹 河蟹 河蟹 河蟹 河蟹

    LOL

  • +1

    Ha! April fools joke!

  • +1

    Ozbahgain Numba Wan!!

  • 什么他妈的

  • +1

    Where are the dim sim and fly lice speshals??

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