R U OK OzBargainers? (2016)

neil on 06/09/2016 - 12:02
Last edited 08/09/2016 - 00:37 by 1 other user

Last Thursday, someone in my partner's family took their life. He was young and vibrant and you'd of never guessed anything was wrong. He was smart, funny, doing well in his career and well liked.

The hardest part is wondering if you could have done something to prevent it. Just said something, just spent more time.

Don't wait for a free call day. Ring someone who you haven't spoken to for a while. Your Mum or Dad, brother, sister, friend from school, a former job - just one person.

-toristo

R U OK?

R U OK? Day is an annual day in September (today, 8/9) dedicated to remind people to ask family, friends and colleagues the question, "R U OK?", in a meaningful way, because connecting regularly and meaningfully is one thing everyone can do to make a difference and even save lives.

Some may notice that we've used the same quote above as last years post. It's such a powerful story that it's worth mentioning again. It is part of why we are proud to support R U OK? Day by changing our colours and promoting their cause.

One of the biggest challenges to OzBargain and other community sites is promoting an environment where everyone feels comfortable commenting in deals and discussions. Given OzBargain is about scrutinizing deals in an open and honest environment, we can sometimes get negative comments that affect other users.

We should all recognise that our comments have consequences both positive and negative. People don't come here to be attacked or bullied. While some people may say suck it up and people should not be so sensitive, we should be aware that we don't truly know the people behind these accounts. Some are young, some may come to here to escape a tough reality, be mentally unbalanced, or they possibly could have thick skin. We just don't know. On the flip side, something as a simple gesture like thanking someone or sending a friendly PM can go a long way.

Ask family, friends and collegues (possibly utilizing free Virgin calls) how they are doing but don't forget to ask your family of OzBargainers how they are doing. We have forums where you can discuss relationships or anything else off-topic.

You can also feel free to chat with us in the private Talk with a Moderator forum if you have any OzBargain related issues. Or send me a PM about whatever you want (except moderation issues). Please see our Mental Health Page if you need to speak to someone including live chat.

For confidential advice and support call a crisis support line – such as Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

:)

Site Discussion R U OK? Day

Related Stores

R U OK? Day
R U OK? Day

Comments

  • devilbabies on 08/09/2016 - 13:31

    murtaugh and riggs didn't need a special day. they always had each other's back 365 days a year.

    http://www.podcastdequadrinhos.com.br/wp-content/uploads/201…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVl8tJrSaio

  • abacus on 08/09/2016 - 13:32
    +1

    Grab a DAB+ radio, headphones, some spare eneloops and go for a quick one hour walk and see if you feel better. Take two or three times a week.

  • nipun5perera on 08/09/2016 - 13:43
    +1

    What if the person you asking "R U OK ?" Doesn't really wants to tell if she/he's not okay.And keep their feelings to themselves.

    • stonkered on 09/09/2016 - 08:29

      The $64,000,000 question.

  • Forfiet on 08/09/2016 - 13:47

    R U OK? m'kay?

  • outlander on 08/09/2016 - 13:53

    @neil Are you okay?

  • Dipak1981 on 08/09/2016 - 14:05
    +1

    i hope everyone is ok
    plz look after eachother and specially in your family

  • kosh52 on 08/09/2016 - 14:10

    I am OK. Thanks for asking mates

  • cameldownunder on 08/09/2016 - 14:54

    Sorry to hear. Condolances.

    regarding my well-being: I need Enelope batteries, and a quick charger. Where can I find. I need to find today. Now. Immediately. My life is not worth it without.
    Just kidding. I'm fine.

  • shmahoo on 08/09/2016 - 15:15

    Congrats to the OP.

    PS - now I'm thinking of setting up a kickstarter to try and find broden and see if we can reconnect

    • Livert on 08/09/2016 - 18:38
      +1

      I think he killed himself after he got banned.

      • shmahoo on 09/09/2016 - 09:53

        I think you're missing something about the spirit of this post!

        • Livert on 09/09/2016 - 16:17
          -1

          In all seriousness I think this whole R U OK business makes the whole situation worse. It's just a way to make the non-depressed feel good about themselves without actually making any real difference.

          Wouldn't be surprised if there was a slight spike in suicides yesterday.

  • chipstss on 08/09/2016 - 15:20
    +3

    Not to be too depressing but some people's problems are not solvable, a conversation about their problems won't fix them.

    • Snakey Chook on 08/09/2016 - 17:30
      +3

      It's often not about fixing problems.

      "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it"

      Talking to other people is a great way to open your mind to other approaches.

  • narcoleptic-haze on 08/09/2016 - 15:47
    +8

    RU OK? day is not just about depression. Simply reaching out and calling someone is something that's sadly rare with busy people these days. Just by coincidence RU OK last year was the last time I spoke to my mum. Although she had been diagnosed with cancer, we all expected her to have 6-12 months time left. We planned to speak again that weekend as I was busy trying to squeeze some lunch in on my lunch break. However 3 days later she had a bad reaction to the chemo, and 12 hours later she passed away. She was 59. Seriously, life is short.

  • slowmo on 08/09/2016 - 15:55
    +3

    It's been a while since I've last posted… or log on here for that matter.

    Yes and No.
    No i'm not ok, but I'm okay enough to feel that I should just continue to chip at the problem(s) that i have.

    I notice a lot of people would like to say that such things are superficial, sometimes to make themselves feel good. These people sometimes genuinely meant well,even though rarely they are capable of following through with actions on what they say, but that's okay, because people who meant well doesn't have to be the same one who could pull you out of a rut.

    IMHO, what's important is that at least someone cared and could be that last shred of humanity a person needed before crossing over the point of no return.

    tl;dr: just my 2 cents.

    • bluesky on 08/09/2016 - 20:39

      No i'm not ok, but I'm okay enough to feel that I should just continue to chip at the problem(s) that i have.

      Yes, that is the attitude, when you are in a bad place, remember, "This too shall pass", like the weather. So have faith.

  • charzy on 08/09/2016 - 16:06
    +3

    I feel like Guzman y Gomez have taken over this sites design.

  • Colombian on 08/09/2016 - 16:15

    I'm ok.

  • CVonC on 08/09/2016 - 16:31

    Why not put a smiley face on the O of ozbargain too? :)

  • hell0 on 08/09/2016 - 16:33

    That is a very nice thought from the owners of the site & thanks for everyone who sends love each others way!

  • T1OOO on 08/09/2016 - 17:08

    Those that need it the most hide it the best.

  • cminez on 08/09/2016 - 17:12
    +2

    I am OK, but my credit cards are not.

  • Ghosteye on 08/09/2016 - 17:48
    +2

    I once read somewhere that :"suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Never think that any problem is too big!

    • Kangal on 08/09/2016 - 23:18

      What if the problem is death?
      It's not really a solution at all, then is it?

  • Dr Techno on 08/09/2016 - 18:12

    Yep was thinking if OzBargain was OK with the new colour scheme :-/

  • THICKnSLOW on 08/09/2016 - 18:56

    Nobody asked me, but I had serious heart palpitations today, with dizzy spells.

    I'm ok now. Just letting you know..

    • bluesky on 08/09/2016 - 20:29
      +2

      Glad to hear you are OK now.
      Not sure if this is an isolated incident or you have experienced this before, but what you experienced is commonly linked to anxiety. Have a look at this: 8 Tips for Coping with Anxiety Induced Heart Palpitations. It has a step to rule out medical causes, to see if it is mainly anxiety-based.

      If so, here are Tips to manage anxiety and stress. Relaxation techniques are also very beneficial for reducing anxiety/stress - know this from experience. Hope this helps.

      • THICKnSLOW on 09/09/2016 - 10:42
        +1

        Thanks bluesky, for your concern and taking the time to post the links.

        The last severe attack I had was probably 5 months ago, that lasted about half an hour. This time it lasted 40+ mins and I almost fainted.

        It might be a sign that I need to go see my GP and get checked, just in case. Funnily, during the event yesterday I googled as much as I could into the symptoms to see whether I could deem myself as having a stroke or a heart attack to call 000.

        Glad the internet was working, lol.

        • bluesky on 09/09/2016 - 14:33

          Yes, best to see doctor soon. All the best.

  • treeman on 08/09/2016 - 19:24
    +2

    Shouldn't we be asking this everyday?

    • muncan on 08/09/2016 - 19:30
      +1

      We do…

      "How are you?"
      "Good thanks, and you?"

      • Kangal on 08/09/2016 - 23:18

        "I'm swell. How bout you?"

  • cureforanitch on 08/09/2016 - 19:45
    +3

    Big plus from me for Ozbargain's commitment to raising this great initiative. Well done

    Proud to be a member of this community

  • Roja on 08/09/2016 - 21:37
    -1

    I am not okay with MeU Mobile at all

  • marquise on 08/09/2016 - 22:25
    +1

    I was not ok a month. I'm so much better now that I'm on antidepressants. If you go down the medication path, don't be discouraged if there's no improvement, as there's quite a few types and sometimes it's trial and error.

  • [Deactivated] on 08/09/2016 - 22:35

    Slacktivism?

    • outlander on 08/09/2016 - 23:16
      +1

      Of course. Have you actually tried helping people? Its hard..

      • [Deactivated] on 08/09/2016 - 23:40
        +2

        Have you actually tried helping people?

        Was it the Dalai Lama who said, " If you can, help others. If you can't, at least do not harm them"? I personally know of 4 ozbargainers who have disabled their accounts over the past 18months due to bullying.

        Instead of a token "r u ok?" on one day per year, shouldn't we all try to be kinder to each other every single day of the year?

    • [Deactivated] on 11/09/2016 - 19:33

      Hello, you two /plenty of people variously keeping OzBargain kicking along so lots to keep you occupied and distracted from your woes, I would have thought?
      Just in case…

      I had stopped worrying about you, outlander, but mainly on strength of belief that you would - soon after that 'power still on' incident, go back up in your ceiling and electrocute yourself.
      You are in fact still kicking, it would seem..

      For a couple of reasons, I had decided to no longer worry about YOU, Jar Jar Binks - even allowing for those vicious cheesecake thieves that you were dealing with at one point. Ongoing?? Regardless, there are more important things to worry about than your stress levels. Yes.

      What about the reasons for MINE..?

      • Climate change.
      • Contrasting cold sweat picturing a certain former OzBargainer in a dark alley somewhere paying $50 for a slurpee on the non-bargains black market.
      • Nightmares thinking that OzBargain's fearless leader himself could rock up to her lair and personally offer her a set of savings on things that she likes, and this the likely horror that he would face:
        >10-20% off: Resting bitch face
        >20-40% off: Chinese burn
        >40-60% off: Nipple cripple
        >60-80% off: Kick in the nuts
        >80%-FREE: Shallow grave in the backyard
        Yep. Bargains. She hates 'em :(
      • North Korea
      • Cats having worked out a way to have more fun than humans and without even trying
      • Terrorism
      • Not being able to personally take in a furry Syrian refugee because of our quarantine rules, and now that one has died. Shit :(
      • The still high chance of OzBargain Live Page becoming a Live Pidgey and gangsherds of benign Bulbasaur replacing 'Bikies' in OzBargain polls… +munchkin monsters having balls thrown at them and not knowing what to do with them, to the point of requiring a bloody tutorial.

      Oh, and there's even more stress, but I'll spare you..

      Outlander, please enjoy favourite Fred Falke track, via this link, on your mobile phone, as far away from actual mains power as possible. Ok? Ta. https://m.soundcloud.com/fredfalke/fred-falke-ft-kris-menace

      That whole album is worth a listen, JJBinks - https://youtu.be/9o85Qwgr-Ig Potentially stress-relieving, but ignore the unnecessary BladeRunner-sad ending to the record, or maybe hear it instead as a plaintive and beautiful elegy, of sorts, for stolen cheesecake…

      :)

      • outlander on 19/09/2016 - 19:07

        Wow, the things you miss when you're not looking.

        I listened to your track. It's interesting. I liked it, I think. It brings back memories of when I used to really like electronic music with a multilayered structure consisting of simple repetive beats that can be mentally extrapolated, and no little to no words
        example
        I still still like that style, but it no longer resonates quite as much with me.

        Thank you for worrying. Seems like I have a lot of people doing that lately. It's either a sign I'm doing something very wrong or very right.

  • jason101 on 09/09/2016 - 09:05
    +1

    Probably good to reflect on this post in relation to some of the forum and comment bullying which occurs in all forums of which ozb is no exception. Is it worth it if its the final straw that pushes someone who's already fragile or damaged over the edge?

  • georgesc on 09/09/2016 - 09:28
    +1

    Not making a joke, but I actually believe that being dead is poor value, I had (and currently going tru one) lived through my fair share really shitty situations and still cant imagine wanting to die :)

  • shaiguy on 09/09/2016 - 11:45
    +3

    Excellent post and I think the more awareness of this leads to less stigmatism. I think the question R U OK? is a good starter question but I think also further information needs to be provided subsequent to this which I am going to seek to address in the remainder of my message.

    Kind of related to Ozbargain but a lot of people are not aware of the Government's Mental Health Plan which provides Medicare rebates for 10 visits a year to therapists (psychologists, etc.). From experience rebate has been c.90% (fees otherwise are quite expensive but in a way justifiable). More details here: http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/conten…

    The therapy does help a lot and I think I knew a lot beforehand and knew it all (coming from a guy with kids, no money worries, etc.). I encourage everyone to do a mental health assessment with their GP when they do a physical assessment. Often the symptoms have been around for a while. The GP will do a DASS test (Depression, Anxiety, Stress Scale test) where you fill in a questionnaire (an online one is here if you are a bit cautious to go: https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/). You can then get referred to a therapist and fortunately I got a very good one who is booked out by all sorts of similar professionals in my industry.

    I am still working through things and being more self aware, meditating and reading a lot of the therapist's recommended books). Also looking to attend a health resort on burnout (did not realize there were so many but cost a bomb but I need to do it).

  • naru6705 on 09/09/2016 - 12:18

    Funny world here, first makes the life miserable and then promotes events like r u ok?

  • [Deactivated] on 09/09/2016 - 12:47
    -1

    No I'm not OK. Just received this gem from trying to split the shipping from this deal on OzBargain with fellow OzBargainers:

    Me: Is $16.5 ok? Had to buy extra useless item to get the free shipping.

    Them: Thanks for your message. Why 16.5? I though each one costs $15.03?

    So it cost me $5.12 to get "free" shipping, and I was only asking for $1.47, basically making a 24c loss on it, but trying to keep it down to a nice even number for a fellow OzBargainer.

    Just can't please everyone.

    Not as bad as I sold concert tickets on eBay many years ago at COST PRICE, while eating the eBay fee, as not to be seen as scalping, then the tightass waited to the last minute (no time to relist) to demand local pickup as not to pay for the registered post, and then demanded change and a god damn receipt when he showed up at my doorstep to pick it up (I was literally a 15 year old kid).

  • ninjataki on 09/09/2016 - 13:21

    The next fad/pop day for us to commemorate is RUOKYRUOKM8 day.

    Cause its not enough just to ask them if they're ok, you need to press why. It even has an Aussie twist.

    Therefore RUOK day has now officially been superseded!

  • OzzyOzbourne on 09/09/2016 - 15:24

    No, I'm really annoyed that I can't find anything on ozbargain until the day after I bought it! 😠

  • retiredfeline on 09/09/2016 - 15:26

    I want that funky yellow back! Now I'm depressed. 😥

  • [Deactivated] on 09/09/2016 - 20:21

    I still don't know how to deal with my best mate of almost 20 years suicide, in April this year. To be honest I'm sick and tired of people asking me if I'm ok. I don't know how to talk to his family about it (who are like my family) cause I just don't know how to bring it up, and I feel rotten about it. This day sort of annoys me. I get it though we need more awareness about mental health and depression, but how does one day cut it. I think if we are to be serious about it we need drop in centres. More advertisement on tv/Radio/internet/social media for services like Lifeline and beyond blue. We need it in people's faces at all times. Not just one day. I know these ads are not free. So if I have to be taxed $2 more a week for mental health alertness sign me up, or if these Multi billion dollar websites like Facebook would advertise life line for free. People that have not experienced it will never understand, survivors get by day by day but that naggering feeling don't go away and I've been told by other survivors it never does. Depression/suicide ain't a joke, and until you have experienced it, you will never understand.

    • [Deactivated] on 10/09/2016 - 10:04
      +1

      I like the first half of your comment and wouldn't neg, but the attitude if "People that have not experienced it will never understand, " is a curious elitism or victim card that is dismissive of the rest of the population, who equally will likely see or have seen traumatic situations in their lifetimes. Having watched my mother die young from confronting and harrowing brain cancer, technically from sedated malnutrition, I would never spray people who haven't witnessed that as circumstantially ignorant or not understanding, but mental health and addictions have this repeated and unfounded trauma or suffering elitism complex. I think you should concentrate on the constructive pieces of advice rather than dismissing large sections of society for absolutely no fault of their own, particularly as the people you say will never understand still donate and pay taxes that are spent on mental health.

  • Shiny Mew on 10/09/2016 - 08:41

    I was okay… until I missed out on the great Lenovo 11e with SSD bargain posted a few days ago. Now all I can do here is just lay here and wonder 'why?'

  • AussieDolphin on 10/09/2016 - 10:57
    +1

    No! Property settlement not reached so it's off to court we go. The only people that will win are lawyers if I could afford to engage another. Having to self-represent is scary and another stress I don't need :(.

  • Diji1 on 10/09/2016 - 12:02
    +1

    In societies like the USA where the mainstream has basically abandoned community for individualism and meritocracy - and where one's status in society is explicitly and implicitly determined by wealth - rates of depression and suicide are steadily climbing. And happiness of the populations when measured as a whole is going the other way. Ozbargain plays it's own little part in this as an expression of our society.

    Australia has been following the USA for a long time now and it appears that we are going this way also. Rates of suicides are increasing.

    These are not features of societies that haven't followed this path such as Denmark and Norway.

  • Lord Fart Bucket on 20/01/2017 - 20:51
    +1

    More than four months after the actual day, if someone asks… i have to say that i am not OK.

    A few days ago, i found out that the IT manager i have dealt with over the years at work has taken his own life. After speaking to one of his close colleagues, i found out that he's been suffering from depression for many, many years. Something he never showed outwards. Or perhaps, something i never noticed. At age 50 he called it quits.

    I am almost sure there's nothing that i could have done to prevent what has happened. The problem is that it's an "almost" certainty. I am a data analyst by trade, a chemical analyst by training and a person that thinks almost in binary. I like certainty. I like things black and white. And i like to travel close to the edge, the boundary of what's allowed, bend the rules. You could even say that i frequently try to redefine what is black and what is white. I do this to achieve goals at work. It makes me sometimes not so easy to deal with, not to say a pain in the ass. And yes, i may have been like that in my dealings with him

    And… since i found out he took his own life, it's been playing with my mind. Could i have done something? Did my actions and interactions with him play a tiny little part in his final decision? Objectively, looking at it from a distance, i'd say probably not… But i don't like probably. And now, i will never know. And now, i am questioning my actions and interactions with others… i am not good at reading people, so what if…

    Again, i am not OK. I am not OK because first and foremost there's a family out there who now have to continue living without someone they love. I am not OK because i am questioning my every interaction with everyone.

    We all know the reddit user who posted the dealing with grief post (https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend…).

    I am not OK… but i will be.

    • cameldownunder on 20/01/2017 - 23:36

      I guess we have some similarities. I like to "challenge" people. I come through as arrogant and know it all. I have seen a lot and use logic to come to conclusion. I like to analyse issues and people. And one could say that I am not kind to my boss. If he ever commits suicide I know I will have extended his life. So have you.
      I did study IT and became good friend with a fellow student. I never laughed so much, and we really bonded. I was his best man. He now suffers under depression, despite having a house, lovely wife and a beautiful grown up daughter. He has cut the contact with me.
      My neighbour suffers of depression too, and he was always smiling. He too has a beautiful wife and two smart kids.
      I guess there is really nothing you or I could or could have done to make things better or worse.
      So, go to sleep, and stop worrying. You are OK.

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